I will institute topless Wednesdays!

There will be a sheet cake in the break room the first and third Friday of every month!

I will put beer in the soda vending machines!

Cake, heel holes, and booze. Look out OS the times they are a changing.

This place can't handle negative entropy.

You both have my vote.
rated

That is why me and the woman with the starving cat would be perfect!

The kitty girl could provide us all with extra u's in things! IT WILL BE FANTASTICING!

I like the way you campaign, Freaky.

What about Ultimate Fridays?

We both have such enigmatic smiles.

And yes, I bring the 'u's.

But the top stays on until the gin bottle is empty.

That's a great campaign slogan! She's already earning her keep!

I'll vote for you just for the beer in the soda machine!

(thumbified for drunken cakemongers everywhere)

um...that's cake everyday....Stacey, I think we need a little negative entropy around here...xox

You've got my vote!!!

I want martini Thursdays and chardonay Saturdays. I want fresh flowers on my blog on Tuesdays, and I want Mondays off damn it. I can't do this all week.

I want pedicures on Sundays AND sundaes on Fridays. And I want Salon to cover my trips to the Betty Ford and the marriage councelor. I want a car allowance and signing bonus.

Oops. I got carried away. This is why I am still looking for work. Whatever; you had me at cake.

Freaky, you had me with "Topless Wednesdays"

Rated.

Well! Of course I vote for you. I nominated you after all!

Can we have Neked Queer Chick Friday? With pictures and stuff?

Got my vote!

holy cannoli! beer in the soda machine I'm in!

Topless Wednesdays, finally I'll feel like I belong!

Topless Wednesdays? Wonderful! Now, I can show off my moobies.

If you dye your hair yellow for just one day, I'll give you my vote.

Dear Ms. Freaky Troll Editor,

I am so very impressed. That does not happen often. I love your new name, and I am sending all my good thoughts of your joint editorship, cake, and all cake related activities your way.

I would very much like to join the staff for your campaign.

I think it will be a landslide in your favor. I am going out and about the village now to raise campaign funds. I'll ask my nephew Luke to wire a little something into your joint account.

Hope

Will you provide an annual OS conference where you fly us all in and put us up for free? If so, count my vote as yours!

Mary, you intelligent slut.

But who are you going to put on the cover?

Suzanne Somers, of course.

Point me to the ballot box.

As long as everyone can fit into a $7 mailer box, I don't see why we can't have a conference.

I have always belived in a womens right to troll, so I will vote for you, but wait I am a bit of troll myself. I have always had you wee people in my home, as I belive they bring good luck.

I've got a friend here in Ohio that would be happy to rig the voting machines in your favor.... for a price...

Did I read something about Gin? If so, you have my vote too!!!

WSFTC: Now you made my evening!

MOMSACOMIC doesn't like people weeing in her house. So noted.

Will puddin rasslin make EP and cover?

Mary, if elected, I will be everything to everybody.
I do solemnly swear.

Often.

Cindy, we will cover you in pudding and put you on the cover.

Deal?

I'm in. Sorry Lonnie but really, don't YOU want to vote for Freaky too?

I like the extra u's and the cake, but my computer doesn't have a vending slot so I'll be settling for virtual cake, I suppose - not as tasty, but less fattening. You are all delightful and I will support any coup you preside over!

I would not, could not, vote for a troll in a purse.
I could not, would not, because cake I curse.
I will not vote for you in a house.
I will not vote for a foot hole flashing louse.
I will not vote for you here or there.
I will not vote for you even if you dye your hair.
I do not eat cake and I distrust you, creature droll.
I do not like you cuz damn few things rhyme with troll!

(with my sincerest apologies to Dr. Suess)

HA! So there!

Signed,

Safe_Bet
President
Cake Anti-Deformation League

Skin the Cat--Here's just the pic for the cover, me 'n' JK covered in puddin. Hope it's okay that a href="http://open.salon.com/blog/cindy_ross/2009/07/11/puddin_fight_extravaganza_live_blogging">it was previously published.

OOPS - html fail.

P.S. AND I'd very much like to see a birth certificate!

*ahem*

STILL waiting....

There's no question in my mind that Freaky Troll Editor would bring a whole new fab-ness to the cover, and a whole lotta hawt, too. That alone could cause a landslide . . . or a mudslide . . . isn't there a drink by that name?

Oh, and it's Robin Sneed's birthday, and No Frills Devil Monkey brought cake to the comments over there - just thought you might want to know, Ms. Freaky!

You, freakin' troll editor, are a genius. So, starving cat woman, you succumbed to the pressure I see. Is anybody else running? I don't want to miss out on any voter-fraud-gifts.

i'm liking this. since no one seems to want me as editor, you have my vote so long as we don't have to wear those awful high heels you had on the other day! the promise of cake won me over. I'm a twinkie tart (I confessed this on jodi's blog today). I like cake more than EPs. I think. I've never had one. i'm assuming cake tastes better.

Freaky, Freaky, let me be your secretary! Look, I found you a panda ring pic!! So you can add it to your post!

Dear Ms. Freaky Troll Editor,

I just returned from shaking down the villagers here for your campaign fund. So far I've raised a cool million in pocket change, (that was just from my nephew Luke's pockets), and what appears to be a lovely upside down cake. I hope it helps to put the two of you over the top.

Although I think you're already there.

Hope

Okay, ya got me with the beers in the soda machine. Where do I sign?

Dear Freaky and Cat,

Voting for you is a piece of cake.

Your adoring sycophant,

BL4

Ooh, even better:

A TROLL YOU CAN BELIEVE IN AND A CAT YOU CAN COUNT ON.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Give Cat lady the job so she feed her cat
( I was gonna say, "pu***" but that would have too easy; who luvs ya Lorraine).
BTW, will you have clothing-optional Friday's? Just asking.

Trudge, you have my permission to stroll around naked every Friday.

Whether I win or not.

There's been a ground swell of support. At least I think that's the ground.

Another vote here!

Now there's a platform I could trip on Freaky!

You've got my vote. I want chardonnay in the vending machines. And you and Kerry are like twins separated at birth anyway.

i want all my pals to have a weekends-free clause in their players' contracts.
and LOTS of cake, all the time.

and even if i don't get those, i'll vote for you. well, except the cake is nonnegotiable.

WoooooHoooo!

I just realized my lettering is MUCH smaller than the Troll's.

She may need a cake tester, should we be elected. I am not a second fiddle.

Hmm. Freaky, are you sure you didn't have something to do with Thomas'...er...reassignment? It's all falling into place a little..too.. easily...(but I'm in for the gin, of course.)

I motion for an OS prom.

A prom! A prom! I'll finally get to go to a prom!

Wait. Did I say that out loud?

I was already named OS Prom Queen - but as a grand gesture, I'll step down to allow others to compete--- because I CARE ABOUT THE NON-COMMUNITY!

Cat Feeder, the font size difference is an optical illusion.

You mean an optional illusion.

That too.

I totally believe in both of you, sort of like I believe in fairies. You just can't get better than that. I pledge to vote early and often for Freaky and the let-the-cat-out chick. We can have a poshy fundraiser at my poshy home in the poshy gated community.

@ Will Cat, just Fridays?

Tell you what. If the Freaky Troll can survive being shot from a cannon through a flaming ring of death into a giant fan, A.I. style, I'll vote for the cat lady and what's left over.
Now excuse me while I don my bicycle reflector armor and hide over in the cave.

Of all the worthy candidates, Freaky, you take the cake.

Get it?

Cake?

OK, off to sip my sixth--er, seventh--glass of chard now.

Dear Freaky.

Hang on a second am setting up a conference call to get this done.
Rahm? Valerie? David? Barry? You guys all there?

Everybody OK with this?

OK Freaky. It's done.

Wait a minute---I just saw the note about the prom. What were we talking about here?

I got Andy's vote!

Laugh while you can, Freaky. Friday draws nigh.

And what other editor could jump through a flaming hoop with sky high pink hair and not catch on fire? None, that's who!

Holy crap. You did it. Do you enjoy making grown men pee their pants? Are you proud of yourself?
I need to go change my clothes and get a towel for the chair.

You have both of my votes!

Andy, I do! And that makes me perfect editor material.

well, now, i have assured zuma i would vote for her - but there are several jobs available, so maybe there can be a conglomerate?

and what about sally swift? i would vote for her, too.

Your determination is boundless, Freaky . . . you're on your way to editor in no time flat!

I actually thought Sandra wrote she motions for OS prOn.

Freaky and Cat, there are no better Ed I Tors than you two. (of course, i tell that to everyone who's in the running) but with you two i REALLY REALLY MEAN IT!!! that ring of fire just seals the deal. love love love and hjuge gratitude for this dymanic duo.

Dang it, I go to work for one day, one day people, and there is a revolution and a vote going on!

Don't make me turn this salon around!

I will vote for anyone who provides Weird Wednesdays, Chardonnay on demand and cakes in 3 flavors. Period. I could be persuaded to vote again if I get an office with Surly's view. And maybe once more if WSFTC agrees to feed MY cat.

There, I'm done now. :)

i was gonna vote for you 'til i read safe bet's poem a la seuss. was that hot?? as hot as cake? maybeee ...

femme on the fence

I thought Safe unscore Bet was ironicing.

You have our votes, Freaky, we second your co-editor, will someone please feed these damm cats? ForeverMom put us on a diet.
~fatrocco(18 1/2 lbs) and feralrusty

You've got my vote, Freak! Can you wear something sparkly for the jump through the flaming hula-hoop?

Darn keyboard - I mean FREAKY!

It beats the Freaky Devil, no ReFills on canned beer from the canned skeleton .... clunk tin rattle trap, soccer paps e-male in a yellow flame lexus with cake icing on the soft leather goat skin seats, how do you cut and paste so well?
I haven't applied!
I'd be fired quick!
Larry Killermann?
He be interesting?
He dances topless.
Sock with big hole.
Ask former Homeland Security Disorganizer Mr. Chertoff? He dices carrots for hot stew!
I love to think older women than me will be unbiased and not fool the dentist and jump!
Hopfrom wedding cake!
I still don't know what's happening.
I'll go read`The Vagina Monologues.
I still can't understand my own post.
Take knitting course with a 5-yr old.
Knitting! Mennonites women knit!
Real men love nits to calm nerves!
Knitting at a farm is the new craze!
I bought a Know-How to knit book!
Knitting is easier than fighting @ OS!
Blogging is dangerous. Agitation. Oy!
Great post. Freaky for Home Heck Ay!
I vote:`ice cream, beer, cake, bare chest!
I pray too. I want no toothache in the rain!
Open Salon is more and more a fun loon farm!
Irritating?
Ya can delete?
This makes no cents!
I write with beer midriff!
I'll go knit a scarf in the rain!

i think that's the longest comment mr. james has ever left. y'all win.

Lonnie Lazer. huh?
You deserve a Oscar.
You be Oscar a Grouch.
Let's swap pharm R# meds?
I'll get over I had no Bar Mitzvah?
I say:`Chocolate milk is addictive!
We need a good NYC psychiatrist!
We need pregnant midwife advice!
We will somehow endure all strife!
Let's play in the puddles? A splash!

You had me at Topless Wednesday.

Trudge is in the corner, drawers half off, waiting for the go-ahead.

"Freaky Troll and Will Someone Feed The Cat -
Because at Open Salon, you CAN have your cake and eat it too.

Just not in the litter box."

"How could anyone say no to the Freaky Cat Ticket?"

"Freaky and WSFTC for Editors - because NOTHING beats troll pussy."

"Freaky and WSFTC - who needs an election when you have cake and tiaras?"

I got about a hundred slogans for you. And I will work for cake. Or beer. Or even beer cake.


Well, maybe rum cake instead. With beer chasers. That could be good.

Consider yourself rated again, from me.

jane smithie would vote for me! (yea, jane! hmm, I could've sworn I had a view other friends around here somewhere...) Still, one vote is a landslide where I come from (Philly's like Chicago that way).

Um, Freaky, I have just one question: Wouldn't your marriage to Joan constitute a Conflict of Interest?

EXCUSE ME! I was NOT ironicing, I was sarcatisizing! I expected this though, from a convicted frosting molester and foot hole slut! Hmmmmph!

BTW, I'm STILL waiting to see your birth certificate there Missy... *taps foot impatiently!*

I smell burning troll hair...

Where do you stand on Pantsless Thursdays?

Where do you stand on Pantsless Thursdays?

Certainly NOT behind the horse.

*COUGH*

I kind of want the job myself, but what the hell... I'll vote for you.

Bill S - You're just ascared of my powerful junk.

There. I said it.

oh my good god - is there no end to your awesome hilarity?!

Too perfect! Yes! Pedicures, martini's, beer, and lap dances.. I mean, laptops!

no longer on the fence. i'll follow bill s. and rum cake anywhere.

I like topless Wed. but pleeeeze no Prom! More Irish dancing.
Voting Yes with no hanging chads.

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now.

Failing that, cake, first dibs on the bowl and if I eat the frosting and leave the cake, no one better say a word! Rated and Freaky, the glasses are an excellent addition.

To: Will Someone Hump The Cat. I'm voting for you because you have the kind of political skills we need. Like taking your hat out of the ring in one early comment, but getting back in now. If you form a PAC, I'll give big bucks if I get access to covers.

Don't you have to be human to be an editor, hon?

Oh, Noni, I could only be persuaded to jump back into the firey, awesome ring with a troll in it!

Not the real one. You know, with adults and things like that.