Skyline Elementary School is on the rural outskirts of Portland, Oregon, where Kyron Horman disappeared a week ago. It's only a few miles from my house.
I'm just as perplexed as everyone that a child could disappear in broad daylight from a rural elementary school.
What irks me no end, however, is the endless speculation I see in blogs, in comments threads after news stories (local and national), and a few even here on Open Salon, that his stepmother Terri Horman is somehow to blame. That perhaps she abducted him. Perhaps this is a setup. Perhaps she's not talking to the media because she did it. Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.
Perhaps she is just as distraught as any parent would be who has a missing child. Perhaps she and Kyron's father haven't spoken to the media because they have no desire to cry on national television. Who can blame them? They are fully cooperating with all police agencies (and there are several, including the FBI). They just haven't lent us their faces to fawn over in People Magazine and the Oprah show.
Our cultural attachment to the Wicked Stepmother lies just beneath the surface.
Here's what we actually know about Kyron Horman's stepmother. She married his father years ago. She's a former elementary school teacher, now an at-home mom. She has raised Kyron since he was an infant. She and Kyron's father have another child together. She dropped Kyron off at school. She toured the school science fair with him. She took his picture by his science fair board. And then she left. And a few other people reported seeing him at school around 9:00, after she left.
Anyone who's ever had a child in public school knows about science fair days. The place is a zoo, full of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and little sisters. If someone were to snatch a child, that would be the perfect opportunity.
The school never called to report him absent, which is an enormous lapse in security. Kyron's stepmother didn't know he was missing until he didn't show up on the school bus in the afternoon.
At that point, she called the school, she called 911. His biological mom who lives three hours away, came immediately. We all know the story since then. Days and days of searchers, dogs, helicopters, news stories.
I've watched with growing irritation the days and days of idle speculation about the one woman who is experiencing the nightmare no one should ever have to. Along with missing a child, she's enduring the idle and hurtful speculation of an army of bloggers and commenters who jump to conclusions. She's a stepmother. She won't talk to the press. She must be hiding something.
The family has said, through a family spokesperson, that they want the focus on Kyron, not on them. They've praised the efforts of the search teams. They've released many photos of Kyron. The posters are everywhere--my grocery store, every business, every telephone pole. Everywhere.
Although this is a local story for me, I don't know the Horman family. I don't know Terri Horman. But my heart aches for her as she endures this tragedy and media scrutiny.
Our own beloved Lunchlady is a step parent, and a damn good one. Ann Nichols is a step parent, and has written beautifully about her own shortcomings (none of which, by the way, included child abduction). Many people on OS are raising step-children, and have written eloquently about their experiences. I would never assume that one would abduct a child, or harm a child, or try to get rid of a little interloper.
Yet because little Kyron is missing, and his family isn't talking to the media, all idle fingers point to the stepmother.
Update Saturday 6/12/2010 The Horman and Young Families Speak to the Media (The Oregonian)
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Lizz Schumer
Deven McKay
Crystal Nolan
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Molly Tennyson
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Comments
It's sad that we as a nation have come to this.
I pray they find their little man safe and sound soon. The not knowing has to be killing them daily.
I also agree these children are as much mine as if I had birthed them. I am sure she feels the same way...
lunchlady--I want to throttle some of the commenters on some of the national news sites. This isn't a reality TV show where we can speculate about why someone got voted off the island. These are real people. It saddens me how many people are willing to immediately assume a stepparent must be guilty.
Joan H--yes, it's terrifying. Everyone thinks this kind of thing could only happen somewhere else. Now, for me, it's here.
That they are cooperating with authorities should be all anyone needs to know, beyond that, it is just idle speculation.
Prayers for this family, and for dear Kyron.
I also think he left the school with someone. But in the middle of a busy science fair with tons of kids and parents around, it would be nearly impossible to find out who.
Sheila--I also hope it has a happy ending. I'm taking supplies up to the searchers this weekend. They're asking for granola bars, peanuts, etc... hiking food. It's a rural, hilly, wooded area. Lots of trees, barns, and blackberry vines.
Sparking--I agree. I can't imagine putting myself in their shoes.
Monique C.--Yes. And it's great exercise for some.
I just hope that they find this little boy alive and well. (Congrats on the EP and cover.)
Amanda G--I hope so too. I think all of us who are parents just can't even make our minds go there.
nolalibrarian--We all want to be amateur investigators. Short of spotting the kid somewhere (which the pictures and posters help with immensely) there's not a lot we can do. The rest is all speculation.
happygolucky--I also hope they find him. I just find it sad that stepparents are immediately objects of suspicion by the uninformed public--I know a lot of excellent step parents who in every way parents.
You make an excellent point about the well-entrenched "Wicked Stepmother" stereotype. But how can we help but have that, when stepmothers are the main source of misery and strife in fairy tales, the very first stories we learn as children?
I spent a semester in college studying fairy tales, and learned many interesting things. The two pertinent to this situation are as follows: it's known the Grimm brothers frequently edited their stories to make them more "acceptable" to the ideals of the time--and many of those edits included turning the Wicked Mother into a Stepmother. It's also speculated that stories out of the French tradition ended up with Wicked Stepmothers because for a long time, the French used the same term for stepmothers and mothers-in-law.
And we all know how evil mothers-in-law are, amirite? :P
That's the human nightmare of this kind of thing.
For myself, I only know what I'm given to hear and read, otherwise I make no judgments, I *know* nothing. Only that every case is individual, there is no 'formula' for how it's done.
Rated for Kyron to come home.
I simply hope that he is found and the truth is revealed.
Seer--Yes, they fit in. I agree. I updated the story with a new link (above). It's clear to me that the investigators know a lot more than they are revealing to the public, and they've expanded the search to Sauvie Island, quite a few miles away from the school. Which is as it should be, I wouldn't expect an active investigation to reveal every tidbit to the public.
teendoc--I agree it's odd. But... I know a lot of people play video games for stress relief. I know I go on the internet all the time to ignore things I don't want to deal with. I can't judge what I would do in this situation.
It is a total shame and a sign of our lack of respect for other folks' privacy. I blame the stupid reality TV that makes the public think they have a right to know other folks' pain.
Thanks so much for this, froggy, my fellow sopping wet Oregonian.
Let's hope for the best, pray for the rest.
If you too live in this area, perhaps you saw the breaking news story that aired earlier today to announce changes in the search process, now that it's hit the 10 day mark. One of the points the press liaison had to address was the accusatory reaction to the silence of the parents. He made it clear that the family conducted themselves as directed by the police, including going to their gym for their usual workout. The police believe it is important for family to try to maintain some of their usual routine and that exercise is important to help relieve stress. He also made it VERY clear that the family did not address the press until the 7th day, because that is what was recommended by the police. If you viewed that 7th day press conference and didn't spot the anguish and anxiety in all 4 parents, then you need help in the sensitivity dept.
This little boy is lucky - he is loved by 2 pairs of parents who are working together to find him.
The Portland Police dept. has its issues these days regarding violence and racism, but it doesn't sacrifice child safety for sensational press or succumb to pressure from the press. That can't be said for every police dept. in the area, but at least this one sets an example for how to deal with the press.
At one point in the search, a woman on the search team held a short press conference to, among other things, let the press know that the reason they've been kept away from the search areas is because they were creating trouble earlier with no respect for the needs of the searchers.
Obviously, this is a hot topic for me. I could say so much more, but it's time to shut up.
Just because some high-profile cases have included descriptions of murderers who didn't seem to be upset enough and that's become a "sign" that something isn't right. It's not a sign of anything. Don't expect people to live up to the script you are told they should follow.
o'stephanie--nice to "meet" another Oregonian! Yes, the police agencies have even had to address all of the idle speculation.
woodclogkitten--I hope so too.
hethafetha2--the family didn't talk to the press because the police advised them not to. The police also advised them to do their daily routines, specifically go to the gym and get some exercise. I can't say how a person "appeared" in a press conference. I can say that in almost any investigation, the immediate family is the first under intense scrutiny from the police. If the police agencies (including the FBI) are satisfied, in my opinion they don't need an army of bloggers and TV watchers second-guessing them.
Carol Cole--thanks. I agree that the searchers and police agencies are doing everything in their power, and the families are cooperating in every way. Everything else from a bunch of amateurs (i.e. us) is nothing more than speculation. Expecting people to behave in a certain way (cry on cue, look sad for the camera, etc.) and then accusing them of child abduction when they don't is a huge accusation to make.
I've followed little Kyron's story, and, as a stepmother myself, felt what is, I'm sure, just a tiny, tiny bit of the horror his stepmother and family must be experiencing. I wish for his safe return into the waiting and loving arms of his family (which includes his stepmother).
And the truth is, most of the time family or romantic partners of parents *are* involved when a child disappears. Since in this case, the last family member to have contact with the boy happens to be the stepmom, she, right or wrong, seems the most suspicious. I don't think it necessarily has as much with the fact that she's not a bio parent. Look at Madeline Mcann. Her parents were put through the ringer after she disappeared - not only suspected of murdering their child, but also severely castigated for leaving her alone in a hotel room. Jon Benet Ramsey's and Elizabeth Smart's parents were subjects of suspicion too and in the Ramsey case to some extent - still are.
I think the reason is a combination of odds (i.e. most kids are harmed by family), and the desire to believe there are fewer people in the world who want to harm random kids. When a parent is the guilty party, it's almost like "Whew! That couldn't happen to us!"
I hope and pray this boy is found alive. What a nightmare.
Ann--thanks so much for your kind words. I think with your experience catering funerals, you truly appreciate that grief has many faces, just as we all do. Expecting a certain "look" comes from too much reality TV. Everyone becoming an amateur investigator comes from too much CSI. This one is real, and I can't imagine being Terri Horman knowing the world is speculating about me.
marytkelly--thanks so much. I'm not a stepmother, but I know so many people who are--who give tirelessly of themselves over and over, and get none of the credit and all of the suspicion. I appreciate the link.
SuiJuris94--I agree. I'm sure there's a good-sized measure of this that is everyone wanting to reassure themselves that this couldn't possibly happen to me. A random stranger abduction is much more frightening than a crazy stepmother.
Diamonds&Rust--I agree that many times a family member is at fault. The honest truth is that not one of us who is not a trained investigator on this case has any idea. I'd bet a lot of money that everyone in that family has been investigated within an inch of their lives. I'm sure the stepmother was the first target. In my book, if the police have satisfied themselves with her story, they don't need me (an idle bystander) to speculate based on how she acts in a news conference on TV.
I also hope he is found alive.
I am another loving 'extra' mother, aka stepmom. Stepmothers do the same things that any other mother does, but they take a lot of crap about whatever they do. Screw the cruel Luddites with rusty screw who don't get how deep the connection is between children and the women who mother them.
Dr. Susanne--I agree--Kyron looks very much loved. I don't understand the urge for the public to play amateur investigator based on too little information and a lot of storytelling.
I HOPE it wasn't the stepmother but what Iv'e seen and heard.......................................no. uhh uhh, just doesn't sound right.
The people defending her may be shocked if/when they find out down the road that it, in fact, WAS her involved in the abduction.
I mean, ....if that's what ends up being the case.
If not.....GOOD but you can't just RULE out the family either.
It's just the way it is. The family will have to deal with it. ESPECIALLY the stepmother. She's the one who dropped him off.
And of COURSE she could have been the one responsible. Just because she took a dang picture and left him there didn't mean she wasn't keen enough to PLAN an abduction. .............anyone ever think maybe she had help?... She was a former elementry school teacher!! She knows schools. How the groove is in those places. Of COURSE she could've been involved.
Who's to say she didn't tell him to meet her outside an hour later!
I think maybe SOMEONE would've noticed if a little boy was wandering around the area during that time frame. so if someone took him, Her or someone else.......it HAD to have been RIGHT there!!!!! WHO WAS IT?
This whole case is odd and Bonnie is at least ONE person who is realistic enough to consider these things as well.
I consider the other side, of course. Maybe no-one in his family had anything to do with it. But a stepmother who isn't showing genuine emotion..was a former E.school teacher.....playing games on her Facebook, DROPPED HIM OFF THAT DAY........just raises many red flags for me.
Police investigations always begin with those closest to the victim. Family members are looked at automatically. Again, not an unfair speculation of the stepmother. She was this boys caretaker, mother.
Kyron's science fair project looks like he had a lot of help by an adult. I could speculate and say the stepmother helped him since she was a teacher. That is pure conjecture.
We, as the public, get a gut reaction to things we are seeing and hearing. Subtle things, overt things. Body language speaks louder than words. Written comments are telling. Omissions are also observed. Add it all up and you get speculation. Unfair speculation? I don't think so. Wicked? Let's hope not...
I have heard several people say she's suspicious because of her behavior after Kyron went missing.
Big difference.
The truth is that we don't know. We are a bunch of amateurs on the outside looking in, making guesses (and in some cases hurtful remarks) based on appearances.
Perhaps I'm naive to trust police agencies to handle this without my speculation. But there it is--I do trust them.
I, too, live in Portland and I have not felt at all that the community is pointing fingers at her because of her status as the evil "step-mom." Portland is a diverse community where step-parenting, same-sex parenting and everything in between is the acceptable. It was stated very early on in the case that Terri was a devoted step parent, had been with him since infancy, there was a positive light cast on her. The negativity began with her own behavior. And as a side note it was quickly speculated that the bio-mom probably had something to with it, which was just as quickly difused because of her location. If you want to take a feminist, sociological approach, the most backwards attacks have been, why didn't the bio-mom have custody, what's wrong with her? Which I find offensive - I assume they were just doing best for Kyron and it was probably a difficult decision for all involved.
Now, back to Terri...the reason people in the community are throwing around thier speculations is because of Terri's actions and activity on Facebook, such as stating she was "hitting the gym," she didn't change her profile picture to Kyron's missing person poster for 6 long days even though most of her FB friends had. She was accepting an enormous amount of new friends and stated "poking" people on FB was "addicting." It was because she was the last person to see him alive and there was a source that said a couple people at the school thought that they saw her and Kyron leaving together. And just to clarify, officially the police have not said who saw Kyron at 9am, whether he was alone, with Terri, another person, outside, inside or otherwise. The only confirmed statement is that Terri last saw him at 845am. The have not confirmed that she left the school at 845, that was her statement.
As far as the family not speaking out and the police not offering information, of course it's their right. However, this story is becoming less and less newsworthy at this point. Today is wasn't even the top story anymore! I feel that it's a horrid situation but if the news has nothing to report this story will fall way and I don't want that to happen. So, I think that's part of the problem for folks. We know what's going to happen to this story if they continue to stay so tight-lipped. Not to mention Kyron has somehow become everyones child here, in Portland. People are genuinely sick and worried and want him to be found. We just want info because we actually care in this case. We're not bottlenecking, we're heartbroken.
Also, Medford is about 4 to 5 hours away.
I've been away for a few weeks, and watching the case from a distance. I have a new post up about this:
http://open.salon.com/blog/froggy/2010/07/14/i_was_wrong_the_kyron_horman_case
I'll fully admit I was wrong. I was. Like you, I'm worried about Kyron, and hoping there is some chance he is alive. After all the craziness in the news over the past four weeks, I think Terri Horman is capable of murder, or at least abduction. It makes me sick.
I hope Kyron is alive somewhere, and not in the water near Sauvie Island.