gail maria's Blog

GONEPAUSAL

gail maria

gail maria
Location
Rancho Mirage, California,
Birthday
November 29
Title
President
Company
gonepausal
Bio
I'm a blogger, radio host, and recently started using capital letters again. I went through a long period of all lower case. As an adult I discovered I read too many damn fairy tales as a girl and live in a state of perpetual shock. Ixnay to "Cinderella" and yes, to "The Little Match Girl." I haven't caught up to Liz and Ivana in the husband category but I tried for a while. They were much better financial planners than I, however. I complain a lot on my blog and ialso in person. It seems there's always something to bitch about once your hormones are hasta la bye-bye! www.gonepausal.com

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OCTOBER 19, 2011 12:27AM

Who Wants to be President?

I'm for no one who is marching to the White House. Besides which isn't it too early to fill one's brain with political jabberwocky? I have enough things on my mind no less spend time remembering who is running for President and who changed their mind and decided to stay… Read full post »
1 Comments
SEPTEMBER 14, 2011 1:17AM

Collecting Husbands and Stamps

I've had two husbands which at one time seemed like a lot. I have however, met men and women who are on their third , fourth and fifth spouse. It's a little jaw dropping but seeing as how everyone is living so much longer it's apparently possible to collect marriages like… Read full post »

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SEPTEMBER 7, 2011 6:07PM

"I'll Have What She's Having"

I have a psychological disorder. Many of my friends have speculated this for years. And in my defense they were presumptuous. I've checked the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" and my problem is not mentioned. It's either not officially recognized, not taken seriously by psychi… Read full post »
7 Comments
AUGUST 6, 2011 3:52PM

Loungd Lizards and Me

Reptiles creep me out. They are slimy, slithery and scary. As as child I was forced to go in the Reptile House at the zoo because my parents wouldn't let me wait outside alone. I was pissed. I walked around with my eyes squinted half shut. There were Lizards longer… Read full post »
1 Comments
APRIL 14, 2011 2:13PM

The Original Gonepausal Girl Tells All

 Meet the original gonepausal fashionista, my Mom as she tells us what to wear and how to stay young looking.  Trust me Mom knows....she's 93!  The premier gonepausal video.  Mom will stun and amaze you.

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JANUARY 3, 2011 6:03PM

Requiem for a Laptop

2011 was not even 12 hours old when disaster struck. I abandoned any thoughts of my New Year's resolutions earlier than planned and switched into a state of high anxiety. The day started out innocently enough - I dragged my sleepy sorry self over to my desk and turned on… Read full post »
3 Comments
DECEMBER 28, 2010 1:45PM

Will Hugh Hefner Explode From Too Much Viagra?

It's holiday time and one of my favorite things to do between Christmas and New Years is bitch and moan about how I hate the time between Christmas and New Years. Or I dutifully start my list of impossible to fulfill resolutions for the coming year. I'm a couple of years… Read full post »
4 Comments
DECEMBER 21, 2010 11:45AM

Dressing for Successful Dating - or how would I know?

I'm an unconcerned dresser. I get up in the morning throw gym shorts and a sweat shirt hoodie on over the boxer shorts and t-shirt in which I slept and think I'm presentable. It's scary but quick and requires no thinking. Truthfully I'm in this snappy outfit until around noon. If… Read full post »
3 Comments
DECEMBER 14, 2010 3:18PM

The Dinnerless Dinner Date or Hey Buddy I'm Hungry

My last post "Going on a Date is Hard Work," agonized over the labor of pre-date preparation. HA! Today boys and girls I'm going to tell you how in truth that is the easy part. I went on a date that I've actually given a title - "my dinnerless dinner… Read full post »
7 Comments
DECEMBER 11, 2010 12:48AM

Going on a Date is a Shitload of Work

Going on a date is just too much work. Do men realize how much effort it takes to get out the door in order to have a drink with them? Which is why I never offer to pay. I really have no idea why I accept an invitation because inevitably when… Read full post »
3 Comments
NOVEMBER 29, 2010 11:01PM

"The Housewives of Beverly Hills" Scared the Crap out of Me

I never liked to watch scary TV when I was growing up. The most frightening I could tolerate was"The Twilight Zone." "Shock Theater" was out of the question as was anything with Frankenstein , The Mummy , or a monster who could later haunt me in my dreams. I had… Read full post »
3 Comments
NOVEMBER 23, 2010 1:35PM

Confessions of a Texting Loser

Please don't text me. I'm constantly confused how to receive or respond to a message. I think my phone has a special tone when a text comes through but I'm not sure. I get jumpy and slightly sweaty when I hear the sound. "Why is someone texting me?" I groan in… Read full post »

1 Comments
NOVEMBER 19, 2010 9:10AM

"Peter Pan Come Get Me and Don't Forget the Fairy Dust

Why was I in such a hurry to grow up? This question has haunted me because I recently saw a production of "Peter Pan." Maybe the flying boy who sprinkled fairy dust on the unsuspecting John, Michael, and Wendy was on to something when he declared, "I'll never grow up,… Read full post »
1 Comments
NOVEMBER 15, 2010 9:29AM

"Wanna Play 'The Dating Game' With Me?

Remember the TV show "The Dating Game?" I used to watch and wish I was one of the hot bachelorettes who got asked those really dumb questions. Sadly I never was and didn't have a micro mini skirt anyway. But opportunity might be knocking as "Here Women Talk" is bringing the… Read full post »

3 Comments
NOVEMBER 8, 2010 1:31PM

"Mirror Mirror on the Wall Am I My Mother After All?"

"Mirror mirror on the wall am I my Mother after all?" Crap. "How could this happen?" I sobbed. Except there I was in the bathroom holding one of the jars of face creams she gave me. I stared at it resistantly yet her words rang in my ears,

"Gail, this is… Read full post »
2 Comments
NOVEMBER 1, 2010 11:58AM

Breaking News - There's too Much Breaking News!

Growing up I had a little red leather diary. It was locked at all times. No one had the key except me. All my thoughts, dreams and childhood humiliations were safe from the outside world. In that red book I wrote - "Dear Diary: Roger talked to me today after… Read full post »
2 Comments
OCTOBER 29, 2010 12:43PM

Japanese Food is Complicated but Colorful

I love Japanese food but it's confusing. "Let's go for Japanese!" sends chills down my spine and I feel a nervous rash breaking out on my cheek. Japanese food sure looks fun though doesn't it? It's fresh (hopefully), colorful, and groovy to eat. I'm handy with the chopsticks and don't mind… Read full post »

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OCTOBER 28, 2010 11:32AM

Tell, Even if Your Best Friend Doesn't Ask

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I never thought he was right for you." Excuse me?! How many people have heard that before? And even worse it was your best friend who finally spit it out. Your closest friend in the world with whom you've shared every secret… Read full post »
2 Comments
OCTOBER 22, 2010 12:31PM

I'm Sorry Bergdorfs but I LOVE TARGET

I love Target. I know I've said it before and I'm saying it again - Target is the new Bergdorfs. If you're feeling every so slightly pinched for cash and your t-shirts have tiny little rips under the arms like mine don't despair. Jump in the car and head out to… Read full post »

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OCTOBER 19, 2010 9:40AM

Wedding Announcements Can Ruin a Perfectly Nice Sunday

 

My sister Terry is mad and on the warpath again. It happens every Monday like clockwork. The phone rings and,

"Do you want to feel really bad about yourself... and not only yourself but your kids?" She doesn't stop for me to respond but continues, "I hate the bridal announcements in… Read full post »

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OCTOBER 15, 2010 12:17PM

Wanted: A Giant Pedestal for my Next Date

I have a lovely white pedestal and can't decide what to put on it: a flowering plant, a sculpture, a pre-Columbian pot or a man. This is a big problem because recently I read in order to secure a date, or maintain a relationship I need to put a… Read full post »
3 Comments
OCTOBER 11, 2010 3:34PM

Men Can't Live Alone - True, False, Urban Legend?

Boys and girls prepare for battle. My friend Jack says he's tired of women always going on and on about how they are better at living alone than men. "Blah, blah, blah, blah," is apparently all he hears when women start the "men can't live alone conversation." "I've heard it… Read full post »
3 Comments
OCTOBER 4, 2010 4:02PM

He's Baaaaaaaaack - No not Michael Jordan

Just when I thought my guy Sam was engaged and off the dating market...he's baaaaaack. Admitedly not as huge an announcement as the return of Michael Jordan but surprising none-the-less. "Wow cute engaged guy what happened?" I was finally beginning to believe that maybe there really is "someone for… Read full post »
2 Comments
SEPTEMBER 28, 2010 11:32AM

Mirror Mirror on the Wall I'm so Screwed

OMG just when I thought getting up and looking in the mirror couldn't get any worse I've discovered everyone I know may soon be able to see me first thing in the morning too. Confused? I'm innocently having a nice dinner with my friend Jay and his IT guy Anthony… Read full post »
6 Comments
SEPTEMBER 22, 2010 1:25PM

Twitter , Neiman Marcus or Star Wars

My name is Gail Maria Forrest and I'm a "Twitterholic." There I've said it. Yet strangely I don't feel any better, probably because I'm blogging and not "tweeting." Yes, I'm the same person who thought "Twitter" was a neurological condition and anyone who "tweeted" should seek immediate medical atte… Read full post »
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