gail maria's Blog

GONEPAUSAL

gail maria

gail maria
Location
Rancho Mirage, California,
Birthday
November 29
Title
President
Company
gonepausal
Bio
I'm a blogger, radio host, and recently started using capital letters again. I went through a long period of all lower case. As an adult I discovered I read too many damn fairy tales as a girl and live in a state of perpetual shock. Ixnay to "Cinderella" and yes, to "The Little Match Girl." I haven't caught up to Liz and Ivana in the husband category but I tried for a while. They were much better financial planners than I, however. I complain a lot on my blog and ialso in person. It seems there's always something to bitch about once your hormones are hasta la bye-bye! www.gonepausal.com

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SEPTEMBER 7, 2011 6:07PM

"I'll Have What She's Having"

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I have a psychological disorder. Many of my friends have speculated this for years. And in my defense they were presumptuous. I've checked the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" and my problem is not mentioned. It's either not officially recognized, not taken seriously by psychiatrists or I'm the first person to exhibit symptoms and give it a name. It falls under the general category of "envy" and no it's not for a penis. I don't know what Freud was smoking when he thought up that idea. I've never wanted one of my own. A pair of Manolos or Jimmy Choos but not a penis. My problem is more troubling yet I'm too humiliated to seek counseling.

I have "order envy." Yes it's a real issue. I never order right in a restaurant. I look longingly at what is on everyone else's plate and despairingly at mine. It makes me sad and costs money. My friend Betsy has a perfect record when it comes to getting the best thing on the menu. It never fails I always want what she's having. So, why I don't follow her lead? This question haunts me. For example she gets a fresh farm veggie omelet and do I order the same thing? No, I ask for the turkey sandwich after sweating with indecision. Out comes her fluffy yummy looking eggs and my thinly sliced fake turkey. I'm green with envy as I pick at my loser choice and fight back tears.

"What are you getting?" is my restaurant mantra. I query everyone at the table and carefully consider their answers. The pressure mounts as I insist on ordering last and the waiter is impatiently hovering over me waiting for my selection and my friends are giving me dirty looks because they're hungry and I'm torn between Emily's choice of curried chicken, and Les's order of Trout. "I can't decide!" I want to shout and seek medical attention , but don't. Then it never fails the fatal yet predictable words come out of my mouth. "I'll have the Salmon."

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Always ask the server what he/she thinks is the best thing on the menu. If it sucks you can at least blame someone.
FYI: Freud smoked cigars and used cocaine.
I always ask the waiter because I can use all the help I can get. I'm such an "ordering" loser. And of course Freud used cocaine...makes perfect sense. Just speeding and talking off the top of his head and thinking it sounds smart.
I always ask the waiter because I can use all the help I can get. I'm such an "ordering" loser. And of course Freud used cocaine...makes perfect sense. Just speeding and talking off the top of his head and thinking it sounds smart.
time for subtle trickery. ascertain the alpha female
or male's choice beforehand. say,
"i have had such bad luck ordering. who can
help me?"

alphas jump in at that, i have found.
Oh freshly fried Salmon steak is my absolute favorite. I used to have the same complex funny. Now I realize it just faded away over the years. Of coarse today things are always so much easier because I can barely afford to go out.
Oh yes John Blumenthal has the best answer. Just the first part please.
I do throw myself on the mercy of the alpha orderer but then ignore their directive and order something else. Of course when their fab meal comes I curse myself .