gail maria's Blog

GONEPAUSAL

gail maria

gail maria
Location
Rancho Mirage, California,
Birthday
November 29
Title
President
Company
gonepausal
Bio
I'm a blogger, radio host, and recently started using capital letters again. I went through a long period of all lower case. As an adult I discovered I read too many damn fairy tales as a girl and live in a state of perpetual shock. Ixnay to "Cinderella" and yes, to "The Little Match Girl." I haven't caught up to Liz and Ivana in the husband category but I tried for a while. They were much better financial planners than I, however. I complain a lot on my blog and ialso in person. It seems there's always something to bitch about once your hormones are hasta la bye-bye! www.gonepausal.com

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APRIL 29, 2010 2:16PM

Am I Carrie Bradshaw or Roseanne?

I hate moving but decided after 30 years in the suburbs of Chicago to be a city girl again. Yea, I'm a decrepit Carrie Bradshaw! Unfortunately, once the initial "oh goody I love my new apartment " passed, which took 30 seconds, I looked around at the boxes filled withRead full post »
"Oh my God, what is that smell?" Nebraska. Me, Emily and Beefy Boy Elliot were gasping for air. Yes siree, cattle lining the landscape are lovely to behold but, do not under any circumstances open the window of your car. For that matter just hold your breath across the stateRead full post »
"Yep, you could have been on the interstate all night. Only the back way 'round from Phoenix could've saved ya and that's windy as hell too," we heard from the cashier at the gas station half way back to Flagstaff. "Twenty car pile-up a week ago, coulda been out thereRead full post »
Who are those people who love the open road? They must have a special "inner peace" and "solitude" gene. I have the special "when are we going to get there" variety which forces me to constantly look at the odometer and clock . "Crap, it's only been 12 minutes sinceRead full post »
There is no way to make the 2,000 mile car ride back to Chicago from Palm Springs short. It's endless, it's painful, it's boring and it starts tomorrow. I've spent four days mopping, sweeping, washing, wiping, and vacuuming my way out the door. No cleaning service for this girl. Yep,Read full post »
I had 18 seconds of fame. Unfortunately they came when I looked like crap. I was out for a run heading down the main street of Palm Springs when a news crew stopped me. "Ma'm would you mind if we asked you a few questions?" Moi?! Really me? It's neverRead full post »
APRIL 2, 2010 1:00PM

Are we whores for celebrity?

It's baaaack! And I'm am so over it. Lo and behold Tiger Wood's sex life is back in the news. Just when I thought it was really disturbing to hear about pedophile priests there was more gossip about our lothario golfer instead. Huh? Initially, I was as riveted as theRead full post »
MARCH 25, 2010 12:39PM

Queen of One Date Tells All

"Sam, you have to help me!" I cried into the phone.
"What is it babe, try and calm down and tell me what's wrong."
"I don't get it , I've become the "QUEEN OF ONE DATE." Yep I gave myself a new title, "Jewish Princess" was out. Although I liked theRead full post »
MARCH 19, 2010 4:14PM

Being Sandra Bullock

More bad news for the country and I'm not talking about health care, settlements in East Jerusalem, or a surge in Afghanistan. The announcement scrolled across my computer screen and stopped me mid click. Sandra Bullock is leaving her husband Jesse because he's cheated on her. How much more canRead full post »
Uh oh I'm not standing up straight. My Mom just came to Palm Springs to visit and reminded me of this. "Gail, I was noticing at dinner that you weren't standing up straight. You really should , you look so much prettier when you do." "Yes I was," I insistedRead full post »
I'm a heretic. I did something unheard of, veritably blasphemous. I don't think there were any witnesses, although I can't be certain. I had to do it. Regardless of whether or not the economy is getting stonger I'm not. I'm still cheap, and unable to resist a bargain no matterRead full post »
Blondes don't have more fun, at least this blonde didn't. I tried, but fun wasn't in the cards. Blondes are a phenomenon I've never understood. I grew up a brunette, a color that received very little attention. Trust me when a brunette walks in a room, not one male headRead full post »
FEBRUARY 22, 2010 6:14PM

Computer Exorcist Wanted; good pay

I'm a technology loser. I need the power of positive technological thinking. Is there a Dale Carnegie course for people like me? I can't Tweet, and have people "following" me who I mistake for stalkers. I still don't understand Facebook. I have "friends" I don't know and never will alongRead full post »
FEBRUARY 16, 2010 1:58PM

Why I Hate the Winter Olympics

I don't have the fever. I desperately wanted it. The thrills, the chills ,the shaking and quaking just aren't there. I've checked my forehead and it's cold as ice. I stare at the TV clicker and pine for last summer. I sadly place it on the couch and consider pickingRead full post »
FEBRUARY 12, 2010 2:01PM

Valentine's Day Sucks

Uh oh Valentine's Day is loomimg. I have a feeling of dread much like I do on New Year's Eve. Are there two more pressure packed days in the year than February 14th and December 31st? I'm supposed to be happy and also have a date. Crap. With only 48Read full post »
By mistake I glanced in the hall mirror on my way downstairs. I think I briefly lost consciousness before letting out a small shriek. I surprised me. Whoa, who was that? I backed up and took a closer look. I needed emergency lipstick, eye liner, and rouge or it actuallyRead full post »
I had a fantasy about climbing Mt. Everest. I know I hate the cold, detest the sight of snow , and have a fear of heights but I could still dream.

"Chirp, chiiiiirrrrp, CHIRRRRRPP !" Holy crap, what was going on? I bolted up in bed and wildly looked aroundRead full post »
JANUARY 26, 2010 1:03PM

Giant breasts get the guy!

I have reached a TV watching nadir. It finally happened, I acheived watching the lowest form of programming to date. Ironically it feels like a "personal best." This has nothing to do with my life long addiction to "All My Children," which btw is highbrow by comparison. And as aRead full post »
JANUARY 20, 2010 2:20PM

My High School Musical

High school was hell. Every morning was pressure packed with the emotionally draining dilemma of what I was gong to wear. I'd rip blouses, skirts, and sweaters our of my closet desperately trying to remember when I wore them last. At my school we had the unwritten "one week" ruleRead full post »
JANUARY 13, 2010 10:35AM

Earthquakes vs. Snow

I just bought 164 bottles of water. Why why why would I do this? I'm not thirsty besides which I never drink water. Iced tea, a Fat Tire beer or a lively Sauvignon Blanc is my idea of quenching thirst. I needed 164 bottles because Mother Nature has followed me to… Read full post »

JANUARY 8, 2010 10:59AM

I Want a Square on the "Walk of Fame"

I want a square on the "Walk of Fame" in Palm Springs . I wonder whether this takes cash or actual celebrity. I happened to step on Phylis Diller yesterday and under her name it read "comedian" which got me thinking. I can't decide what they would write after myRead full post »
2010 will not be the year I buy an iPhone. I know, I know, it's the latest, best and dandiest gadget on the market. I realize I'm way behind the technological curve. I never had a Palm Pilot and still schlep around a Filofax which btw you can no longerRead full post »
DECEMBER 31, 2009 1:17PM

I Hate New Year's Eve

Oh crap it's New Year's Eve. I can feel the pressure mounting. What am I doing? Where am I going? What will I wear? Does anyone like me? Is it too late to get a date? What if someone sees me home alone? Am I still in high school? Answers:Read full post »
DECEMBER 28, 2009 12:35PM

I Need New Years Resolutions Quick

Crap, another new year looms. It's resolution time again. The pressure to resolve something, anything ,mounts and I can't even remember what I resolved or didn't resolve last year. I know for certain I didn't vow to lose weight, but I think I did anyway. I'm sure this is aRead full post »
My Yellow Lab Elliot needs your help this holiday season. He wants a nice big crate so he never has to drive to Palm Springs with me again. He hates the car and knows I'm too cheap to buy the crate. He may not like airplanes either but I thinkRead full post »