Tits Forward
My gym is having a charity drive, but instead of donating money, we donate meters rowed on the rowing machine. The rowing machine company pays 2 cents for every 1000 meters our club rows. At first, rowing looked easy. Push with your legs, pull with your arms, take off your sweater because it gets caught in the machinery under the sliding seat.
I was building up a sweat and my arms were tired in less than 5 minutes. The woman next to me said, “Tits forward.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t lean back, and don’t hunch forward. Keep your tits pointing forward.”
I’d been doing about 30 strokes per minute and not getting very many meters for it. In 10 minutes, I was lucky to have rowed 1000 meters. 2 cents for 10 minutes is not good wages, even if it’s going into somebody else’s pocket.
The woman next to me demonstrated. Push with your legs until they are straight. Pull with your arms until the bar is at your belly. Release slowly with your arms until they are straight. Relax your legs until they are comfortably bent. Repeat. It’s a four-part motion. And there’s no need to go 30 strokes per minutes.
The meters keep accumulating while you slowly return to the starting position. They keep accumulating if you take a short break. It’s like coasting in the water. 20 strokes per minute is plenty to easily row 1000 meters in about 6 minutes. Still lousy wages, but at least I’m not tired and it feels like a pleasant workout.
The rowing machine company will be donating about $40,000 as a result of folks rowing at gyms all over the country. Today I rowed 2000 meters. 4 cents for charity. And my body is getting more coordinated.
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