It is with a heavy heart and deep regrets that I will be closing my blog on Open Salon on February 29^th.  I am incredibly busy with my full-time job as a social worker where my responsib… Read full post »

            I had a date the Sunday before Thanksgiving which is an extremely rare occurrence.  I hadn’t had a date since 2008.  I met him online and we began to chat.  He was everything I had thought I wanted; he was intelli/… Read full post »

              A friend sent me a link to Mona Simpson’s eulogy for her brother Steve Jobs and the speech was beautiful. 

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/30/opinion/mona-simpsons-eulogy-for-steve-jobs.html?src=me&… Read full post »

        My father’s parents lived in Romania and came to the United States before the war.  With them they brought many, many paintings, most of which were by an artist named Cottavoz.  Cottoavoz painted out of Paris and my grandparents were loyal pa… Read full post »

I am making order out of chaos.  Taking responsibility.  Creating authorship.

Looking back at my first post, I Am My Mother’s Daughter; The Story of a Suicide Attempt, my introduction to my fellow OS’ers was that of an ill person, one still in chaos, is one that I now regret.&nb… Read full post »

I took a ride down to the other side of the world this morning – Brooklyn.  This is my second time in as many years and there is only one thing that is enticing enough to lure me there and that is…The Brooklyn Book Festival.  So many presses, so many books,/… Read full post »

I don’t know where to start.  After my last post of things going so well, everything has fallen apart.  I got my hand on a bottle of Klonpin the other day and I said to my therapist if I killed myself now I wouldn’t have to see myself, my life self/… Read full post »

I don’t know where to start.  After my last post of things going so well, everything has fallen apart.  I got my hand on a bottle of Klonpin the other day and I said to my therapist if I killed myself now I wouldn’t have to see myself, my life self/… Read full post »

     I am waiting for time to expand.  I wanted to get back on OS in what I perceived to be the “politically correct” way.  I wanted to go on and read the posts of my friends, catch up on what’s current with everyone, feel the… Read full post »

I am taking a short breather from slugging my way through a (seemingly) seven million word book proposal to write about an exciting article I have just come across in the May/June 2011 issue of Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com  (though it is not/… Read full post »

     On a literal level recovery means accepting a fuller face, a rounder belly and disappearing bones. My once protruding collarbones, one jutting hipbones, once prominent ribs have receded into my flesh, where they should be. Recovery means selecting jeans a size bigger from my… Read full post »

          In one of the comments on my last blog, Kim Gamble said that rock bottom is when we’re so scared we change.  If I didn’t hit that point this past Thursday night to Saturday night then I’m a hopeless case.

   … Read full post »

     “Oh my God.” Those were the words that came out of my nutritionist’s mouth as she weighed me yesterday morning (backwards, with my eyes facing away from the numbers, so I can’t see my weight).

          … Read full post »

            Anger – “a feeling of displeasure resulting from injury, mistreatment, opposition, etc., and usually showing itself in a desire to… Read full post »

     I don’t know whether to say I’m relapsing or collapsing.  However I define it, I’m deep into my disease of anorexia and it is affecting the areas of my life in which I used to take pleasure, one of them being my writing and pos… Read full post »

My fiftieth birthday party was almost all I could have hoped it could be.  I’ll get to the almost part in a minute.  It was held at Xaviar’s on the Hudson, a restaurant in Westchester, NY, a suburb of New York City.  The restaurant was right on the Hudson River with/… Read full post »

           Although I am struggling, I am coming up on a reason to celebrate.  Not one, not two, but three wonderful reasons.

            First, on Sunday, February 13^th it will be my fiftiet/… Read full post »

     People in the midst of an eating disorder are masters of deceit.  I believe (and correct me if I am wrong) that many of my fellow OS’ers think I have not been as active on the site because I have busy working on my book.  That was true – up/… Read full post »

     I had a confrontation with my father last Thursday night that left me upset, shaken and having a tearful breakdown in the main office among all my colleagues because at that hour of the evening there are no private offices available for me in which to conduct my personal busi… Read full post »

I have been reading the posts in response to Little Kate’s open call – “Children” – with much interest and raw emotion.  I don’t have any children of my own.  I have no regrets; I knew in my early twenties that I didn’t wan… Read full post »

            I am falling from grace. I feel ashamed and humiliated. In The Garden of Eden, when tempted by the serpent to eat fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, Eve shares the fruit with Adam.  They succumb to the temptation/… Read full post »

It has only been in the past two years that I have come to realize how truly ill I was.  I don’t know what the right word is to describe my state of ignorance; oblivion, naiveté, stupidity, narcissism, or a combination of all of the above.  Some of the signs were apparent;/… Read full post »

           Yesterday afternoon I entered my local Barnes & Noble and made my way to the psychology section where as a professional and a patient I enjoy perusing the shelves to see what&rsquo… Read full post »

My therapist has described the nature of my last few sessions, actually the sessions since she has returned from vacation as “optimistic” and that is scaring the shit out of me.     

            Upon her retu/… Read full post »