In past blogs, I've received some feedback about the name I selected for this blog. I suspect it's been a source of disgust for some, and for others--liberation. Whatever your opinion, to hear the term "girlyboy" is generally considered to be a provocative term; and yet, it most closely describes my child's gender expression.

My intention for naming my blog "GirlyBoy" was obviously not to attract the lunatics who suggest my child should be removed from my home for the disgrace I have brought to him. Instead, I named this blog as such in an effort to invite people to rethink its connotation.

For those that are offended by the term "girlyboy," I believe the emotion stems from a deep-seated fear of non-conformity to the gender binary. In that sense, perhaps the name of my blog does produce an alternate--and ultimately positive--side effect:  that is, making people state their own binary and outdated opinions in an effort to open a discussion about this subject. Let's just say that I am no stranger to the term "shit disturber."

Nevertheless, my child's emotions and feelings are paramount. For this reason, we avoid any kind of discussions that require him to label himself so that he fits into a category that people can understand. He is who he is.

So the other day I asked him, "Does the word 'girlyboy' bother you at all?"

To my surprise, he answered softly, "Yeah, kind of..."

My brain fired off all kinds of wild responses like "But that's what YOU ARE! It's just a word! Why is it bad?" But I refrained. Instead, I said, "Oh, ok. I won't use that word then."

Even before the time that Alex informed us of his "God-given" name, I've seized any opportunity I can to get a read on how he sees himself. Is he a BOY who likes GIRL things? Does he feel like a girl inside? Is he in the wrong biological body?

If you ask him, he will tell you he's a boy. However, with those whom he knows well, you might get a different answer. Consistently, over and over again, he shares that he feels like BOTH a boy and a girl. And then, in the same breath, he will say that he feels like NEITHER a boy or a girl. In his own words, he is a "BOYGIR."

In my mind, this is that "OTHER" category you hear more and more about these days. Some may call it "gender fluid," but there is no fluidity to his expression. He is consistent in that he expresses himself as a girl in his actions, friend choice, and clothing preferences, but he acknowledges that he was born biologically a boy. Fluidity suggests to me a changing situation from day to day where one day he may be more boy, and another day more girl. For Alex, his expression is unwaiveringly girl. And yet, he does not exhibit any dysphoria with his body or confusion between his expression, identity, and biological gender. Where it is difficult for most of us to wrap our minds around this concept, to him I believe it is more confusing and frustrating to try to define it for those around him who question his gender.

It may sound strange, but  even those who are transgender fit on the gender binary that most of us understand. In this way, I understand that once a phsyical transition is made, it is often much easier to fit into society. Mentally speaking, post transition, I would imagine that transgender people have finally "found their place." In my son's case, it's a bit more difficult. He is in the "grey zone." There is no place for OTHER. YET. But it will happen. Of this I am certain.

Today, my son is not transgender. Today, my son is not gender fluid. Today, my son is gender nonconforming. Some might even say he is gender queer.  That might change someday, but for now, being a BoyGir is good enough for me!