It is becoming more and more evident in the days, months, years that pass, that the more we allow Alex the freedom to express himself, the more he gravitates towards any and everything feminine. Despite this, he does not reject his boy gender.

Alex is only seven. He is still defining who he is, his preferences, his friends, his demeanor. I know he has a few more years before we need to concern ourselves with the dialog that involves which specific gender box he’ll need to check on various enrollment forms (at time of this writing and last I checked, there are only two official genders: male and female). I have to admit, though, that thought is weighing on my mind. Perhaps not so much that I need to have a definition of him so that I can understand him better (although that used to be the case), but rather, to help him find the words he can use to understand himself and his place in our community.

The one thing I want desperately for him, though, is to have the strength not to succumb to the pressures of gender conformity--for him to have the courage to continue being who he is. So far, so good; however, I am deeply aware that it seems to be human nature that we should apply stricter gender conformity standards the older we get. It’s not his peer group I’m so much concerned about now, it’s their parents. NerdyAppleBottom’s post depicted this beautifully. This single concept seems to keep popping up: that parents and adults tend to be way more at odds with gender non-conformity than kids. So what does this tell us? A conversation –again centering around boyfriends and girlfriends—I had with Alex this evening at bath time sums up the essence of it.

Helping Alex out of the bathtub and drying off his flaxen hair that reminds me of spun gold (honestly, this child has hair that can make the biggest diva green with envy), I was overcome by a proud mommy moment. I couldn’t help myself so I gushed, “Someday you’re going to have both boys and girls falling at your feet. You are so handsome!”

He giggled bashfully. “Not handsome…” he replied.

“Oh. That’s right. BEAUTIFUL. Is that what you want to be?” I corrected myself.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he smiled.

“Well, you are beautiful, and one of these days you will have a boyfriend or a girlfriend!” This topic usually closes a door, so when it comes up, I tend to proceed with caution. But not this time. Reckless Abandon was my badge of the hour. “If you had to choose to be a boyfriend or girlfriend, which would you?”

With all the clarity of a wise old sage, he reluctantly replied, “I don’t know. I’m a boy and a girl. So… both.” (Sound familiar?)

“You know, adults can really be idiots. We get confused so easily, but you understand this better than most of us do,” I offered. “It seems like kids way more get it. Until after the adults in their lives have taught them otherwise…” My comment trailed off but Alex picked it up without skipping a beat.

“They become infused, and confused!” he replied, proud to use a word he had inquired about recently. My raised eyebrow must have been the indicator that displayed my doubt in his understanding the meaning of the word. I mean, he is a smart kid, but that's a .25 word and here he was using it appropriately. What were the odds?

“You know… infused? Like, their parents are infusing them with their confusion?” he generously explained.

“Thanks. Yeah, I get it!” Ooo, smacked down by a seven year old. At least he’s my seven year old.

Each and every day, I marvel at my kids much in the way I am sure almost every parent who has ever walked this earth has done. Alex’ four year old brother navigates Alex’ gender non-conformity like a champ, never questioning Alex’ gender, accepting him as he is—a bossy, sneaky older sibling. To him, Alex just is. As it should be, I might add, but in practice, even for me—as liberal and accepting of him as I am, this is a lot harder than it may seem. My mind is constantly trying to foresee Alex’ future.

Alex’ own creativity, enthusiasm for life, his passion and unweilding determination in every. single. thing. he. does leaves me feeling a bit like having a proverbial dragon by the tail. With a little luck, a fantastic and supportive community, and his own good sense, I really do think that a new way of perceiving kids like Alex is imminent. That Glee would tackle homophobic bullying (Kurt + Blaine = TLF! for all you Gleeks who may be reading this) and The It Gets Better Project has had it’s time to shine speaks volumes to me that maybe… perhaps… we’re finally ready to not only listen to these kids, but embrace them for all they are and will be.