Rated for the numbering/lettering system.

~r for genius of the heart - and any other kind of genius is just fluff unless we have genius of the heart!

Agreed. Some smart guy said "it's always better to be some kind of buddhist." I think he's right . . . but then, what do I know? I'm half an inch from declaring myself a nothingist.

i keep going back over this and finding more quotable lines, but there are so many that this comment would be simply a repeat and not helpful. one that resonates with me so much is, "If you write well, you sacrifice nothing by being generous." and i think i could even shorten that to "you sacrifice nothing by being generous."

i'll be saving this, greg. and next time i think about stringing the bow, i'm going to try to remember to read it first. thank you so much for writing this with such kindness and understanding.

I like your list of rules. Especially the PM part.

Here are some quotes I keep in mind when I am interacting with others... most of the time I can use these for self-control... we should conserve our energy and choose our battles:

"He who tastes life as it really is, not as men say or think it is, is indeed wise..." -- Thomas A Kempis

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.” -- C.S. Lewis

“Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” -- Mahatma Gandhi

"Do not let your peace depend on the words of others. Their thinking well or badly of you does not make you different from what you are. A person who neither cares to please others nor fears to displease them will enjoy great peace." --Thomas Kempis

"He who sees all beings in the very self, and the self in all beings, feels no hatred by virtue of that (realization).'' -- Upanishads

The are rules of speech too in Buddhism if you walk that path.
One of them is Right Speech.
That means abstaining from malicious speech (my interpretation/ words, t/here). Great Post Greg. Thanks

All well said.
I other words, think first, write second.
Great post.

Well said. I have been reminded very much in reading the recent posts of Golding's allegory, Lord of the Flies. We find ourselves in a new little world, and how we create it, and who we become in it, is a marvel...

Can I just say well done. But I can see why sometimes these things happen it still makes me sad when they do. I don't know who said this so can't quote them but yes someone else said this so " can't we all just get along"!

You are a very wise man. I especially love the part about Nelson Mandela. _r

Brilliant. Must reread. :)

Greg - this is flat out genius. I love this sentiment: Let us stir up our thinking, not each other. Absolute brilliance in that statement.
You are a gracious and giving soul. Thank you for this wisdom.
~R~

Thank you, Greg. I love the thoughfulness and wisdom in your post. There's too much to highlight without rewriting the entire thing, thus let me suffice by pointing to my favorite clause:
"If you must say something, say it, then retreat gracefully."
Rated

The numbering and footnote system is cracking me up, but I was still able to read enough to agree with point o

Column 2, Part F: my favorite.

Compassion is seldom wrong.

Sorry, I will never condone plagiarism no matter who is doing it, friend, foe, or complete stranger. THAT is what this particular battle is about, which seems to have been forgotten in the rush to kill the messengers . Some things are worth fighting for, and against, and if certain people don't like it, or choose to be hypocrites, that is their right. I will always stand up for what I believe, especially when it demeans the profession of writing I have been proud to call my own most of my life.

good sound advice for a newbie.

Like it.
The insight about needing to win.
People are always right from their point of view.

The last time I stood up for principle in the real world, I was right as hell. But then I started thinking that it was a minor injustice toward a group of high school kids that are for the most part overly protected and that I should save it for people that live on $1/day and Haitians and maybe people that could really use someone standing up for them.

Well done M. Correll!

Good words, fine words, especially this:
"Let us stir up our thinking, not each other. Let's comfort each other."

Thanks for this Greg.

Act in haste. Repent at leisure. -- Benjamin Franklin

Say something once. Why say it again? -- David Byrne

Excellent post for let's-try-to-play-well-with-others. Quote from Oscar Wilde, " I am not young enough to know everything."

Greg,

I have been reading you for a short while (2 months or so). In that short time your maturity as a man in this world and your maturity as writer who has worked at his craft for longer and more faithfully than I has inspired me and grown me up some.

Your posts have taken a file to some of my character flaws. Your careful consideration of each subject before you write about it is apparent and when I recognize that as I read your work it calls me to work more carefully as a writer.

There's more to say, but most is summed up this simply. I grow a little as a man and as a writer thru your work. Thank you.

This post was just a perfect example of what I am trying to say about the whole body of your work.

Thanks again.

A good list indeed and one we all need to copy...if that's allowed. Personally I try to stay out of these things, take care of my own little piece of OS and nothing more.

I spent the morning talking with friends about the idea of gratitude. In that spirit:

Thanks for this, Greg.

Interesting set of guidelines. But, I say, write what you want and damn the torpedos. Write about those places wear angels fear to tread. And if you believe in what you write stand by it and don't close your comments. R

Wait! What? (credit to Tink) I have NOT

You have TOO!

Sorry about that, Greg. Have to finish this little dust-up with PAUST!!! first...@#!$%&*+%$#@!...There, all finished!

I do like Nr. 1 the best, tho. It really is the best! I mean the Nr. 1 that's last. Not Numero Uno, which is pretty good, too. (r)

Ranji: yeah, that was fun to do. Thank you.

Kit: i like that expression. Tho I am at best a ba-jeenius. Thank you.

Owl: so long as it isn't a know-nothingist! ;) Thank you.

Femme: I completely agree with your amended version. I will leave mine alone because as embedded in my flow it has a mild connection to the gentle noodge to "work on the writing, instead of working each other over". But you are truly right. Thank you.

geezerchick: yeah, that one has big practical value. Thank you.

Leonde: well, just excellent additions! I like all but especially Kempis speaks to me today. Thank you.

Elisa: Thank you.

Scarlett: Right Speech idea is one Buddhist idea I like, a lot, but only up to the point where to not speak, right or not, assists suffering. And even the Dalai Lama gets some things wrong, IMHO: His continuing support of the absurdity of reincarnation is unsupportable from a rational point of view, and his stubbornness about conventional anti-homosexual Buddhist beliefs is not only profoundly un-scientific -- there are 400 and counting species who exhibit homosexuality -- but it is the only position he takes wherein I fault him for not being compassionate.

I revere his writings on compassion, learn from them daily, and feel sad that he cannot see the pain his tradition-bound beliefs cause to gay Buddhists.

But the essential point of Right Speech is consistent with all i say here, from my lofty soapbox. Ha! Thank you.


Steve: There it is. You beat Tom Cordle to making my verbiage pithy and succinct: think first, write second. Thank you.

aspasia: a marvel indeed. "Marvel", like "interesting" and "incredible", is one of those safe words to use when you want to politely remark on the spectacle, good and/or bad, of a think. Aptly put. Thank you.

lunchlady: unfortunately, we can't. But we can forebear each other, and/or retreat gracefully, yes? Thank you.

Joan: He is a secular saint. Thank you.

Aunt: ok already, I heard you the first time!

;) ( Thank you.)

sweetfeet: Thank you.

unbreakable: your post inspired me. You also make a good plea for being non-toxic, in yours (http://open.salon.com/blog/unbreakable/2010/03/20/i_thought_we_were_here_to_write)

Bonnie, my friend: I accept, and essentially agree with, all you say here. I am glad you came and see fit to rate this. My point is not to be Pollyannas, to never be fierce -- briefly -- with our ideas and responses. My point is to say it well, never call names, be convincing with ideas, and forego ad hominem. To respond to bad with better. It's hard to do.

That's a very nasty post title, to be sure. I do not deign to tell you what is the best or appropriate way to deal with it. I guess my extended point is this: what happens next? do we recover? can we reach out privately? do we just let it rest?

Someone here on OS recently threatened my life after I took him to task for racism. He was removed from OS. I then heard that Stellaa had a good opinion of his poetry. I reached out to her, and through her to this booted OS'r, offering a way for us to sort it out. I hate that a writer is lost to us here, or that I do not extend my hand if it seems viable at all. I know: very unlikely that anyone walks back from abject racism or many other things.

But it DOES happen, and i will always want to offer the chance, because others have similarly helped me recover my sensibility.

If not? It can't be helped.

I am glad you fight the good fight for women at risk. Good on ye. Thank you.

FusunA: We at least have that retreat. And then Ignore the "last word" thing? now THAT's hard! Thank you.

Alicia: I sort of want to do a purely nonsensical numbered thing now! Thank you.

mypsyche: that certainly is the most profound, objective truth of our time, eh? Thank you.

emma: I take no exception to what you say, and agree, profoundly. I note you fire a good point at a worthy tiger here: the entire idea of unattributed "borrowing". Worth speaking up about.

I find some merit to some points made by others, that a PM, or making one's OWN post about this critical ethical issue, might have been more effective.

We are both more and less real than we think, here online. We are the "ideas" we present, objectively. They might not be a real; well, for example, "O'Really". (though she is funnier than Cartouche! sorry, C, but tis true.) We project things on each other. So we must not get too charged up by personalities, and shift our umbrage to concepts and words.

On the other hand we must never forget we all breathe behind these tappity-taps. And to allow, to show, kindness.

You condemn the right thing, methinks, either way: we must all write with honor. Honesty. No stolen goods, no concealed cards.

Thank you.

seafarer: Thank you.

Nick: good comment. Great point about scale and perspective. We must allow dignity even to those who dumbfound us for not seeing it "correctly".

M. Chariot. merci. C'est ce bon.

Gary: You comfort me, often, and your writing soars. Thank you.

Old New Lefty: love the Byrne quote! Of course the answer is: they aren't listening (agreeing) yet! Thank you.

cindy: ha! good one. Thank you.

Charlie: you honor me deeply with this exceptional comment. I can't imagine anything finer. (Well, I would like a swimming pool.) Thank you, friend.

Torman: if you copy and use this you must, by license, also purchase the greg Correll Action Figure, life size, and put it on your wall or fridge alongside the text.

I recommend the one of me scrunched over the keyboard. Tho the one of me sitting at the library is nice too. Because of legal issues in some states I no longer the one of me reading in bed at 2 am.

Be careful: the glue is cheap and it ruins most surfaces.

Frank: sounds like a good morning. LOVE that recent post, the one I commented on, btw. Thank you.

Trudge: I agree almost always about close comments, tho a few times it made sense, such as when someone has written something very painful.

I also agree, and say, that fierceness with ideas is essential sometimes. We need to jolt each other out of comfort zones at times. and to poke people who are abusing OS privileges, acting dishonestly, or pulling a con.

But all things require balance and scale and humility. So tho I understand and generally agree with the colloquial use of it, i would not personally add "damn the torpedoes." Because no one "wins" online fights. Thank you.

Matt: uh-huh. Yes you did. And I'm going to TELL. Unless you give me your new Thor comic book. And say "Matt is a doody".

I'm waiting.

Stellaa. Damn. I knew it wouldn't get past you.

Wait: Spinoza's Ethics is a numbered list! And it requires 20 years of deep reading to understand! HA! I "win"!

( Thank you.)

ClarkK: Geez. You guys. Take it outside. You're going to spill your Kool-aid on us.

Greg, by all means this does not mean do not speak up. I think the idea of Right Speech is to speak without maliciousness. Insults hardly ever bring out a change of heart or mind ...
thanks

Thank you Greg. IV is yet another answer I need, going on scratch paper and on the mirror, hmm maybe the fridge too.

Don't knock lists too hard please. I like finding them scattered about and discovering which undone things were never important after all.

Nothing like laughing at myself pole vaulting over molehills.

Excellent.

"Rocketship x9: We are each utterly alone here on OS. Don't build sides. All "alliances" are temporary."

I'm always surprised people support or defend nasty behavior of others without realizing that the nastiness will eventually turn their way, too. It's like those women who are surprised when their husbands cheat on them...yet started their relationships with their husbands when the guy was cheating on his previous wife with them.

Always look at how people treat others -- it's a sneak preview of how you will be treated by them at some future date (often not too far in the future).

You are the man.

Scarlett: good point. I will walk back mine: Right Speech is not the culprit per se. Maliciousness is to be abhorred. Period. But even in traditional Buddhist societies there have been social injustices, so I make an oblique, different point: no "better form" of speech or politess should trump being noisy and rude about entrenched societal wrongs, or sanctified privilege. Whether its a party in power, a race, a gender, or a shockingly wealthy monastery of otherwise very decent monks engaged in admirable practice.

L'heure: I agree with Stellaa up to a considerable point. Hers is a truly a valuable contribution and shrewd take on our self-help addicted, condensed to formula, disengaged culture. I just think it blames a bit too much on orderly numerics, and not enough on the simplistic thinking behind so many lists. It's just another format, like paragraphs, sentences, syntax. And in some circumstances, invaluable. Coherency is a Great and Good Thing. Sequence is sometimes NOT patriarchy hiding behind rows. I have written software manuals. Lists are necessary things. And their ironic use is just another writers can deploy. Methinks.

Ha! The image of a two foot pole comes to mind. Well, what I mean, um, YOUR joke, that is... Damn. I am probably not gay.

Lea! You can tell, all the way through these internets? Even tho i cross my legs thusly? (hey, it's more comfortable! and I 'm at home, so who cares?)

(thank you)

I have been attempting to steer around the icebergs here the past two days, but am glad to have run into this. Your kind clear reasoning is welcome, as are the thoughtful comments.

sign seen on LA freeway overpass: You are not in a traffic jam. You are the traffic jam.

God, you're good at this. And it's so hard!

You and Mary Kelly together might make us all Good People one day. (I'm thinking of her post where she says married couples shouldn't seek referees, shouldn't focus so much on the content of their disagreements. It's the style, or attitudes, that matters, and she listed four that are problematic in marriages. I couldn't wait to send that to my husband, secretly hoping he could see how clearly he violated Nos. 2 and 4.)(!) Honestly, Greg, you should teach negotiation skills somewhere. This stuff is truly hard.

And I'm gathering that there was a dustup somewhere? I have managed to avoid it.

Silkstone: Hey if we can't gossip about each other, who CAN we gossip about?

Seriously, THIS is a deep contribution. If I could go back in time I would tell my teenage self two things: 1. Floss, and 2. When people hear you talk about others, they will know you talk about them, too.

Damn another list., Oh well, I might as well add this too: 3. Buy Apple stock and hold onto it.

We somehow fail to realize: our "intimate" sharing, the kind that snarks or criticizes, reveals us as unreliable. Gains us a short-term fix of bonding -- or seeming to -- at the expense of lowering us to the average, 2nd tier of most human beings: the gossips. We all know people we trust, and admire. They are usually the ones who refrain from dissing. Thank you.

loved the numbering! Makes all your points equally important and worthy of being first, except they can't all be first. Wisdom oozes! Super-rated!

Yes, I can tell you are the man through the net, despite the way you are crossing your legs.

greenheron: true. I am often a traffic jam. And some kind of nut butter. hmm...no. I will just leave it at that.

;) thank you.

What a superb post. Three times I got involved in OS's fights, destabilzing my manic depression. I was so hurt and vulnerable and humiliatedthat I deleted my all my posts. I came back in January with a post on staying sane on OS, and I have managed to stay out of the flames. Deleting my posts is what I regret. I have learned I need to take unannounced sabbaticals.

Bravo, Greg!

Lainey: Mary T is on of my fab faves. One of he first to friend me here, almost 2.4 years ago. She is all you say and more.

And the dustup? here it is, in its entirety: there was stuff about a thing, but it wasn't his stuff, and then people got into a thing, and told each other to get stuffed, and then others said that's not the thing, then everybody felt completely stuffed to the gills with all this, and the thing is, none of this stuff was supposed to be personal, but the thing is, they made it personal, so now they don't know how to get stuff they want from each other, so they are throwing things, still. It's petering out. As it were.

Irish Colleen: Wisdom oozes! I love it! Maybe that way it will stick! ha! Thank you.

Lea: it must be rugged good lucks. It took hours with Photoshop to achieve that.

Restocking: Sounds like you have a plan and a good one. It makes me sad to hear about writing deleted. There is a worthy community here. Glad you are staying! Thank you.

High: Thanks!

Greg, Just for the record, the unfortunate thing about all of these organized belief systems ( I don't carry a card from any) with rules is that they do not include, adapt and update, when IMO, they should. Maybe what I do is selfish but ... "I take what I need and leave the rest." I think we're on the same page my friend.

Bonnie: I am conciliatory but not a fool. Well, no, I am a fool, Regularly.

You know, this self-examination gets tiresome.

But gestures require of us such small costs. If we can just get past the mountain of feeling, there is such a small real obstacle to it.

For instance, if person A said: Damn, I am sorry, everyone. I love it here, I want to be here. I must always take care with my attributions. And i am especially sorry for the way my anger spiked into such hurtful words.

If persons B, C, etc said Damn. I am sorry we came to such volatile language with each other. I wish I might have thought to do this, or that.

Then they exchange appreciations of each others words. Ok, that's sort of idealized.

Perhaps they just say We still don't see eye to eye, I still reserve private feelings about this, I am still hoping you will say certain things some day. I am not your friend any more.

But we are not enemies. We are done with scorch and flame and blister.

And No WAY! that is SUCH a cool hydroponic system. A really cool evolutionary step for that tech. Bookmarked and I will investigate more! Thanks!!

Helpful. Thanks.

"...all things require balance and scale and humility." Very good point: everything in moderation and tempered with love and understanding.

" Because no one "wins" online fights." True, unless you are a metrics whore (like me) who uses the fight to generate lots of Views, Comments and Ratings for your blog. Like we used to say in TV, "it doesn't matter if they love you or hate you as long they watch because you live and die by the ratings. "

Jonathan: Thank you.

Trudge: You honesty is admirable. But I must ask: ratings -- to what end? if the case you make is blinding glare, not illuminating light, and rasps your points instead of burnishing them, what's the result?

Not that I know you are/aren't doing things. I say this abstractly, since you might radiate clarity and nuance and balance in your posts, for all I know.

That said, and having working in advertising in NYC, you are correct. It does get viewers, the whole Joe Pyne, Rush, Glenn Beck, Randi Rhodes poison ivy thing. More's the pity.

You are at once wise and hilarious.

L.

I often take beautiful things away from visiting you Greg. I don't know why I don't comment more often...a lame excuse: perhaps because you've said it so well there's not much I can add? like this?

I've had a blog in the tank for a while about Fair Use and copyright issues related to photography, still doing some research on it even though I've taught classes on it...I'm sure that it will come across as a scold to some so I'm of two minds about it.

Thanks for the meditation and the mediation.

Incredibly rated for wise advice on peacekeeping and generally adult and gracious behavior.

All excellent points. I recently got into a PM dust-up here -- and by the way, that's another point that should be made -- keep it private. Thanks could have easily gotten out of hand, but I literally used the phrase "I'm going to walk this back" and admitted that I may have over-reacted. That was all it took to settle the matter amiably -- even while we continued to disagree.

Good points. Well taken. Rated.

Highest praise: you made your points with humor. Especially with a numbering system designed by the Marx Brothers. And if you insist on winning, you've already lost.

Greg: I find it easy and very gratifying when I read a post or a comment that riles up the blood to write a comment that is exquisitely reasoned, sharply argued, concise, devastatingly accurate, clever beyond all expectation, so-good-it-should-be-copyrighted, so devilish Beelzebub himself would be jealous. It is so good, so compelling that upon finishing one, re-working then tweaking it ever so gently, I wake up (when I'm lucky) and remember that anything that makes me feel this self-righteous can't be good.

I take a breath, take a break, leave the room. Get some distance. The slightest reflection tells me that as good as it felt to write such stuff in such a way, I was never in control of my writing. I was possessed, usually by anger. Reacting. Strutting my stuff. Looking for praise. Careless, the last thing a writer can afford to be.

I never feel so good, so truly lucky, as when I back away from the edge of self-righteousness & hit the delete button. I think I remember the Buddha said something about Right Deleting.

yeah, yeah, all this touchy-feely stuff is good.

but i just want to know where i can buy the full-size Greg Correll Action Figure. i mean, do i have to go to amazon.com or what?? (r)

We'd probably be insufferable if we were right all the time, even wise all the time. I'm working on being more sufferable by exercising my humanity in all its hit and miss ways. No choice there. Greg, you'd be ghastly without the flaws. I love the way you so eloquently express what it is to be human. It is precisely because we are so flawed that it is compassion that wins over the sanity clause. I find myself impossible to deal with. It is sheer compassion on my part that allows me to persist.

Trying to do #1.

I feel it would be easier to avoid fights if we actually met each other face to face. I am organizing a Memorial Weekend Party on Long Island. I hope to make it an annual tradition. See my latest post. I have started a reasonably secure (worked for my grandson's blog) to organize the party. It can't be done by comments and private messages. I have even posted polls, so I can get some idea of who is interested. I live a 40 minute train ride from Penn Station (which is 2 blocks away from the Empire State Building). I am 15 minutes from Jones Beach and two miles away from a state park perfect for picnics.

OS NY Memorial Day Weekend Party

Please share this with your NYC metropolitan area friends.

Sorry all, spent all day in medical tests. Don't ask.
_________________
Lin: thank you.

bbd: I want to see that Fair use post! My wife Deb worked for the Graphic Artists Guild and helped craft the rights legislation for them.

Thank you!

Shiral: to be honest I doubt my motives enough to keep it in check. If there is any merit to this it's because I know my jerk potential. But thank you.

Tom! i always look forward to your comments. Yep, PMs. A Good Thing. And glad you had that experience. thanks

Steven: Thank you.

Cranky: Ha! high praise indeed! winning is relative. And we never win with our relatives. Ba-dum-tsh. Thank you.

Jeremiah! Right Deleting! Wow!!! You have just made a seriously great addition to the oeuvre. You describe a critical thing here, in personal, accessible terms: we indulge, then we delete. Self-discretion-y thing. Thank you.

Missingk8: with or without spandex? because there are laws about where I can ship the latter. Most have to settle for the one of me sitting in frumpy clothes, scribbling. I have on quality sneakers, though. And a straw cowboy hat.

( Thank you.)

Gail: I might be ghastly now and then anyway. In fact, i am certain my wife is humoring me, sometimes. Just a feeling I get.

Compassion always trumps sanity, IMHO.

I am not only impossible I am nearly inconceivable. Just ask my daughters.

Thank you.

AtHome: me too. Even now, this minute. Thank you.

Redstocking: THERE'S a thought! lovely idea. I will revive my writer's weekend very soon, but it is a small group workshop thing, at Mohonk. I like a Jones beach party!

I have never really engaged in an online battle, but once did jump in to defend a person against an ad hominem attack. I also ended up PM'ing the "attacker" and came to a civil conclusion...but I think defense of the original person actually served to distance him from me...perhaps he just wanted to let sleeping dogs lie; delete ill-wisher's posts; or handle his own defense.

I've stayed silent on all matters that don't concern me since then. It seems the screeching flares up around here about about 3 months or so. I have witnessed 3 major battles unfold: the one in which a "sock puppet" drew ire and bile from a VERY prolific OS'er, who ended up looking freaky himself in the end; the one about the multiple avatars; and now, I'm acquainting myself with some of the details of the one about the plagiarism...

Since I am a sort of dilettante at OS...I've just learned that it is usually best to refrain entirely from even opening my "quiver".

I always learn from you. Thanks for the thoughtful and humourous post.

duh...that'd be "about EVERY 3 months or so"...thank's for your indulgence, sempai.

Great post and listing, Greg. I don't have much to add, except this could apply every day and may as well be posted on my wall. Mind if I print it out? ;

Yeldeli: yours is a wise and amiable path thru life. I sincerely believe there's merit to keep had down, do good work. So I am working on a piece about what if the Dalai Lama had teen
nage daughters. It's time.
Thank you

My licensing agent says you must also order the life-size Greg Correll Action Figure, and paste alongside the text. Me sitting reading at home an at library; the one of me reading in bed at 2 am is no longer avalable in seven states.
The glue os cheap so pick your wall carefully.

Yes, but Mandela didn't have to deal with some of the, um... folks... on OS...

Prison was probably the much better option...

I'm just sayin.... :-)

as usual, I missed the entire dust-up, but I'm thinking they should make up some kind of OS manual, & when they do, this should be on the front page. Especially that part about the arrows.

1a. Please clone yourself
xxi. Please download the intelligence, humor, compassion and ethics shown in this post into said clone.
v3b1123. Forward said clone here.

Mr. E: ha! thanks.

Ardee: I obsess. I have tremors. I give my wife dirty looks sometimes. But thank you.

Eric: Now THAT's unrealistic, expecting Beck to have self-knowledge and humility.

But hey, George Wallace changed his heart. Sen. Byrd was a segregationist once. You never know.

Thanks.

Eric: I went, commented. Yours is the rarest of posts, good sir, and I want everyone to see it. And the commenting that followed it was wonderful, the exceptions and debate instructive.

You raised the bar, for me and all, with that palms-up, direct declaration. We'll both grumble tomorrow, and have to re-commit again and again to compassion -- but yours is an elegant soulful planting-of-your-feet. Loved it.

Rated for excellent advice.

Love the numbering system -- puts a smart face what we often take so seriously.

A few weeks ago there was a flame up that so upset me I thought about removing myself from OS. It probably should not have disturbed me but it did and I had to disassociate from OS from several weeks to gain sime perspective. It was not about winning for me it was about seering someone else need to win so badly and be cruel in the process. It really pained me, and pissed me off in the process.

I decided not to leave, and wish I'd have had this post to cool me off when it happened. I will not involve meyself in another flameup no matter the cost of my dignity to suppress my opinion. I choose to be more adult, more kind and way out of the way of a flameup. I choose not to burn myself....thanks for a great post.