TITLE:

[something droll but intriguing]

POST:

[A post about a thing.

Some stuff about that thing.

A few beautiful flourishy sentences that make other writers go "ooh!"

(Because if we writers had our way publishers would publish our Big Book of Beautiful Sentences and not give a crap about content, subject matter, salability or narrative arc. Goddamn publishers.*)

Then the Mistake--or not--is made, according to Others: a few lines that can be interpreted to mean OS is This or That, or that Someone is Not Good or Just Wrong.

Then ambiguous lines that the Poster thinks winkish, sly and slick and at which  Others take umbrage as passive-aggressive/ignorant/snarky.

A few lean, eloquent sentences that set up some denouement ending with a bottom-dropaway feeling that makes the better writers go "ooh".

This last bit will be lost on the Others who start loading their potato guns]

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^{Author Tags:
[Poster write a few normal things so it will be found/indexed properly by grad students in 50 years when Poster is dead and famous, and a few funny things]
Your Tags:
//always empty//
Tip:
//never used//
Share:
huh?}
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________________

Comments, if functioning:
________________


{Fan 1 writes "First!"}

{Fan 2 writes comment with "love" and/or "beautiful" and/or "heartbreaking" and/or "honest" and/or "powerful"}

{Newbie 1 writes gush}

{Fan 3 dittos Fan 2, more briefly, having only scanned the piece and hoping Poster will now read Fan 3's post in return; figures this will suffice today}

{Odd Duck 1 writes misspelled non-sequitor}

{True Fan 1 shows up, writes Workshop-style exegesis, quotes a few lines, make Poster feel Simply Wonderful}

{ ===== Ad for Nikes from AxbSesivbmx}

{Combo OS / FB Friend 1 writes the usual nice thing, contains the lulling, deadly, "another good..." phrase that Poster appreciates anyway}

{Good Snark 1 writes effing clever thing; everyone with the sense God gave a rock laughs at this}

{Newbie 2 writes one word: either Cool! or Great! or Wonderful! or Stunning!, followed by some variant of "R~" on a new line}

{Lovely Christian 1 says a Sweet Thing}


{Fan 4 writes sweet innocuous thing, forgets to rate}

{Other 1 shows up. Points out flaws. Throws in "harmless" ad hominems but feels totally justified because of course Poster knows this is a stupid post, really, so trusts Poster to respond with chagrin at the brilliant dissection, not the necessary-if-kinda-mean asides that simply express Other 1's understandable anger, and righteous stand for intellectual honesty}

{Fan 5, also de facto Odd Duck 2, says "Great!" and mentions booze, it being Thursday already}

{Newbie 3 launches immediately into why this affected her so deeply, since it happened to her sister/neighbor/Lhasa Apso, too, and tells Poster to "hang in there"}

{Odd Duck 3 writes misspelled reference to Tea Party and/or Obama; too obscure or demented to understand}

{True Fan 2, "___ ____" from Poster's list, writes brief but piercing comment making Poster's heart flutter}


{Fan 2 takes Other 1 to task indirectly, by reminding everyone that Other 1 is the one who posted that stuff about a thing, and once said, months ago, on an unrelated post, approximately: a bad thing, said tastelessy, to show how wicked his/her insults can be when he/she wants to, and then chose to add further insult by not even trying to be clever to such dumb persons as (previous poster) and just called him/her an "asshole", so this proves he/she "started it"}

{Newbie 4 stumbles in and says "wow! Thanks for posting this! ~r"}

{Other 2, having been PM'd by Other 1, writes to remind everyone how terrible Poster is and mentions three other people, two of which aren't even commenting here. First sighting of "douche" in any context.}

[Fan 6 writes brief, pithy attack on Others 1 & 2, having vague memories of really liking Poster's post about that other thing a month ago]

{Fan 6 follows up immediately with mention of how he/she never engages in ad hominem attacks and/or uses F word, but makes exception here, in just-previous comment, because Others deserve it}

{Lovely Buddhist/Spiritual 1 shows up, makes hapless comment about how Poster says a profound truth here and must never leave OS; has not read any of the comments yet; concludes with "Namaste"}

{Edgy Snark 1 joins the fray, adds a critical summary of all so far, sides with Others 1 & 2 while trying to seem above it all}

{Fan 7 writes "this could be a book!"}

{Endearing Elderly OS'r 1 wonders aloud "what is going on?"}

{True Fan 3 makes salient points, showing he/she has read piece closely, reveals something meaningful that in fact is very interesting but has nothing to do with what is now going on in comments}

{Combo OS / FB Friend 2, having been alerted to the dust that is up via FB, writes some moral support to Poster, adds totally justified and fair assessment of why Other 2 should be banned from OS; declares this is why he/she "never reads/posts on OS anymore"}

{Conciliator 1 arrives, reminds everyone os Wisdom 46's post from November 2009 in which all the OS ground rules for civil discourse were clearly spelled out; makes tepid attempt to tut-tut at Others 1 & 2}

{Other 3, also technically Cruel Nut 1, rushes in, writes with caps on and says nauseating thing about Poster and dismisses Conciliator 1 and his/her ilk}

{Fan 8 writes "Well-done" and "Fabulous", connects it to the endless failings of the right-wing, approximately}

{Vicious Snark 1 crawls out, writes lengthy comment full of quotes from posts going back 14 months, proving that Other 2, (but not 1}, plus Poster, plus Fan 5, and two others not in evidence, are something like the cretinous underbelly of flame war starters to which all of the rest of us have no choice but to respond with even greater and more carefully crafted cruelty and exposes. Feels this devastating comment is one of his/her all time best and can't wait to see what happens next}

-- several cross-comments now erupt between the Fighters: Vicious Snark, Other 1, Other 2, and Fan 5 quickly add to comments; lengthy, full of invective; all of them feel their comments are "winning" --

{Conciliator 2 interrupts, echoes the "this is why I no longer read OS" remark, suggests everyone also reads Wisdom 32's OS etiquette from last month}


-- the first of a half-dozen brief comments from well-meaning fans and friends and newbies, saying things like "a pox on both" and"we lost track of Poster's valid point" and "I am so sick of..." and "I don't understand..., etc. --

-- another round of cross-comments from the Fighters that takes long minutes to scroll past; sidebar fight is joined about whether OS is a site for writing, if poetry should be banned, if this is/isn't a journalism site, if this is/isn't a feel-good workshop, etc, --

{True Fan 5 reappears, with "did anyone actually READ what Poster said?; is completely ignored}

-- first sighting of (from a Fighter): "I'm done, and/or "This is my last comment. I have a life, unlike..."; this starts the longest and worst of the back and forths between the Fighters, and 8 other commenters join in, some brand new, some who previously posted --

{Newbie 6 writes "I just want to say how much I enjoyed this post", and helpfully offers a link to story from The Huffington Post}

-- several comments disappear, reappear, disappear, chaos reigns for about an hour --

{Talented Snark 1 provides link to her post about this post, entitled "Why people who delete comments are noo-noo brains and should be shunned from polite company"}

{Other 3: "here, here, and people who close comments, too!"; he then uses the C word, the F word, the MF word, the CS word, and a bunch of other alphabetical words}

{Concilator 3 writes: "We should have an Open Call about "describe a rock, but without adjectives. Writers are like ravens: bright, but easily distracted by shiny things"; is completely ignored}

{Vicious Snark 1 declares all this as proof of the relative emptiness of thinking/writing/ethics/worthiness of most of OS, and how necessary it is to fight online to make everyone show their true colors and inabilities; he/she adds something like: "this is not a community of friends here, we are all on our own, last one standing wins, I rate according to best ability"; includes a particularly effective and colorful phrase about Poster's sexual/mental/writing inabilities; feels confident this will be considered one of his/her best ever} 

{ ===== Ad for Software from Hexegesis Blurfmunster }

 

{ ===== Ad for Software from Hexegesis Blurfmunster }

{ ===== Ad for Software from Hexegesis Blurfmunster }

-- mayhem ensues --



___
^{* I borrow this parenthetical thought from Francine Prose's "Reading Like a Writer". Which, by the way, is what we should all be reading instead of flaming on each other like blithering noo-noo brains.}

^{I actually really like publishers. And agents, too. Someday I hope to meet with one, privately, in their office, and not at some damn party, where I can't really explain what a genius I am or my screenplay idea without sounding like a complete ass.}