I am at a peculiar stage in my life right now. About to turn 35, regularly exercising, counting food and activity points and studying Revelation. This has led to completely bizarre mind dramas where I am training for the apocalypse and memorizing nutritious sources of protein. At night I dream of cake and the rapture. There is a yellow school bus in the rapture scene and the cake is chocolate.

I have thrown out all of my sweatpants except for one pair that I promise to not wear in public unless it's snowing or the apocalypse or both.

When I reach my goal weight I am going to throw a giant party with sparklers and a trampoline and beer that is low calorie. I will wear designer jeans and gorgeous shoes and the color yellow.

You will be invited.