I love to play with Open Salon advertisers. It’s that “little man” in me I guess. I had fun with Shelloil and Lexus. Now along comes Le Tourment Vert. I felt a strike through strike through post coming on; but, this stuff parodies itself.  Their latest blog – can you believe that a substance banned for a century is blogging, and people are rating it? – is so pretentious as to be comical.  Go check out The Lost Generation  for yourself.  Ernest Hemingway (who committed suicide in 1961) is endorsing this? Absinthe, believed for centuries to drive men mad, is endorsed by a deceased literary giant whose demons drove him to suicide? Wait ‘til you see who some of the other celebrities are that they are using on their website. The text of the Hemingway post is reproduced below in case you’re in a hurry.   

Even better, click on their web page.  The first thing that opens up is a screen asking “Are you of legal drinking age in your country of residence?”   If you click on “NO”, nothing happens.  Click on it all day and still nothing happens. Brilliant marketing strategy guys.  How did you think of this clever trick to “make” viewers open your fifth-grade website?  I did notice that after my fourth absinthe I got all red, hot and bothered and didn’t give a rat’s ass anymore.  I accidentally hit the “YES” response once and immediately was transported into Demonland.  Oh by the way, you, dear OS blogger – the next Ernest Hemingway - are invited to have a free “drink” next Tuesday in SF. See Hemingway post below for your invitation. Here is the original (edited) ad copy of a blurb from Le Torment’s website.  (Note: Please do not ask me how I am able to obtain these original ad copy drafts. Let’s just leave it that “I have connections in the banned substance and alcohol community.”)

Oh, oh, I feel a strike through strike through coming on.

Actual ad text from the Le Tourment Vert Website   

"Mix absinthe with water and it “douches” “louches”, turning rancid cloudy and bad smelling changing color. You can hallucinate see a more subtle version of this grade school science trick transformation by placing an ice cube in a shot glass of Le Tourment Vert. Watch the absinthe swirl around the melting ice, gradually clouding as it cools. Stare very intnently for ten minutes - face it - you have nothing better to do if you are still following along at this point Pay close attention and you may begin hallucinating see shapes form in the douche louche, much as you would experience from an LSD flashback if you know what we mean can in the flames of a fire. When the absinthe is slightly cloudy, it’s still awful chilled and ready to drink. Now hold your nose sip  and  throw it down enjoy . Hopefully the experience will not make you vomit give you some insight into why absinthe has inspired a mythology of its own, earning names like “The Green Puke” “The Green Fairy”, “The Green Bile”  “The Green Goddess” and “The Green Psychosis”  “The Green Muse”. Look closely at the swirling design on our bottle and you may make a few more discoveries...like you are inebriated and feeling all artistic and spiritual. We guarantee mystical experiences with this crap elixir."

Now I went and visited their website and found some other celebrities that they are using to advertise this truly unique product. These endorsements and text are straight from their website.  This just makes me want to run out and get some Green Fairy and drink it and become a real writer. 

 Lil’ Wayne

   "Palms and Sacramento Kings owner, Gavin Maloof, gave the rapper his house to use and plenty of Le Tourment Vert Absinthe to drink in his video."  

Perez Hilton

  

David Arquette

  

"David Arquette, wife Courtney Cox Arquette and their daughter Coco, 4, see in 3-D at Monday’s Hollywood Premiere at the Le Tourment Vert sponsored event."

(Sponsor Note: Drinking absinthe does not permananently damage eyes in most cases.)

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This is a picture of my ex before giving up the Green Fairy.

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Text of Hemingway Post

 The Lost Generation Next Tuesday, July 21st marks the birthday of one of America’s most celebrated writers.  Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) was a veteran of “The Lost Generation.” He was awarded both a Pulitzer Prize for Fiction and the Nobel Prize in Literature, and perhaps most importantly (although we may be a bit biased), he was a true fan of absinthe. In celebration of Ernest Hemingway’s birthday, and to thank the Open Salon community for welcoming Le Tourment Vert Absinthe as a sponsor, we’d like to invite you to a special event in San Francisco for Salon Readers. What: Open Salon Absinthe CocktailsWhen: Tuesday, July 21st 7 - 9pmWhere: The Ambassador673 Geary St in San Francisco (between Jones and Leavenworth) Consider yourself officially invited. Print out this post to receive a complimentary Le Tourment Vert Absinthe cocktail on us. 

In Hemingway's "For Whom the Bell Tolls," protagonist Robert Jordan turns to absinthe while fighting with the loyalist guerrillas. Absinthe is also featured in his short story, "Hills Like White Elephants." And while his non-fiction book "Death in the Afternoon" is about traditions of Spanish bullfighting, the title also refers to an absinthe cocktail that Hemingway concocted for a 1935 collection of celebrity recipes.

 Pablo Picasso, ‘The Absinthe Drinker’, 1901 

Me the day after I split with the Ex.