Being Straight Isn’t Easy

Being straight isn’t always easy.  There are a lot of prejudices and false beliefs to hang on to. I mean, if one’s lifestyle is different than mine, then it must be wrong or even sinful.  Next thing you know, “they” are going to want equal rights.  How else is a straight guy supposed to see the world?  Gender preference differences?  Oh….what?  You mean everyone is not like me?  Now there’s a novel thought. In fact, it was a novel thought. How did I move from my upbringing with all its messages of prejudice to a position of comfortable acceptance of others’ lifestyles?  

And equality? Are you kidding me? I was brought up to believe that one had to do certain things in order to deserve equal rights.  Like be a white male, born to the right parents, Protestant, straight, well-behaved, and get good grades.  Equality is something that I was born with, and others had to fight for.  I was entitled to my rights and you had to earn yours.  Hmmm…something doesn’t add up here.

Fast forward from my high school years of the mid-60’s to the mid-80’s.  My wife and her high school friend have reconnected. We are living in NC and she is in DC. We spend some time together.  Lisa comes to visit and hangout some with us.  We go to DC occasionally and always to one of the local clubs.

 Now, the gay club scene in DC in the mid-80’s was pretty wild for this hetero guy still working on his prejudices. It’s the only place I’ve ever been groped where I kind of expected it. Drinking a lot of beer helped too. The outlandishness of the entertainment, the loudness, and the energy in the place was astounding, and fun.  On our ride home to NC (boring old NC!) I would relive every moment. I must have asked a gazillion times “Why do gay people parade their sexuality so loudly?”  Wife would just look at me. You know, THAT look (e.g., “you are such a dumbass!”).

Lisa wrote for The Washington Blade and in 1985 won awards for a series on AIDS and it’s danger in the gay community. This was serious stuff (and is) and it launched her professional writing career in a huge way.  She has won much acclaim for her writing. Our daughter was born in 1986 and Lisa became her godmother.  She hasn’t missed a birthday or social event (graduations, etc.) one time in 24 years.  We’ve all gone to the beach together and one morning the two of us caught a giant Spanish mackerel trolling through the Beaufort Inlet.  Lisa didn’t want to hurt “the poor fish.”  I wanted to take it home and cook it; but, she caught it, and so it was her fish, and so back it went.  I might have eye-rolled a few times. But, I digress.

We talked a lot during these visits, and often about issues related to equality and rights – human rights, gay rights, prejudices, and handicapped persons’ rights.  Lisa was passionate about equality issues and chose  a career writing about them.  She covered politics and elections, world events, legal issues, and human interest stories affecting the gay community. We always enjoyed our time together and our talks.

Years later Lisa left The Blade and moved up north to be with her partner.  They had a son (he is doing fabulously well, thank you), and all three are doing well. She continues to fight the good fight.  Lisa writes and travels the world and maintains her relationship, and raises her son.  It’s all just so…well…just so normal.  And yet it’s not.  She (and countless others) continues to face discrimination in so many facets of everyday life that I regard as normal.  She and I are both white, roughly the same age, both went to college,  married, have children, pay bills, etc.  She is a lesbian and I am straight: everything else is just so…well….normal…except that I have certain rights conferred upon me and she has to fight to obtain them. Now, this fact isn’t right.