I was curious about the origin of Father's Day so I checked around. It appears to have been inaugurated in 1910 through the efforts of one Sonora Smart Dodd in Spokane, Washington in 1910.  She’d heard a sermon the previous year regarding Mother’s Day and wanted to do something to recognize her Civil War veteran father and single parent.  In subsequent years Presidents Woodrow Wilson and Calvin Coolidge supported the recognition; but, it was widely ridiculed as frivolous. In 1966 President Lyndon Baines Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers and Father’s Day.  Six years later it was made “permanent” by President Richard Nixon when he signed it into law as an official day. Some 55 countries now observe some variation of  Father’s Day.

The commercial aspects of this day in our modern times are pretty obvious; however, it does result in many reflecting on their own fathers and their relationships with them.  There are tributes and emotionally touching posts appearing here on OS and elsewhere on blog sites and in the media.

Many of us have spent time measuring our fathers against some imaginary yardstick. An idealized parent construct emerged through the refinements of psychoanalytic theory.  Freud himself was notoriously ambivalent about his parents, and we all know that he turned his case study of self into a powerful theory of personality development.   How many gazillion hours of therapy have so many spent examining their relationship with a parent(s)?

Since the advent of mass communication (actually since the invention of moveable type in 1439) we have been subjected to many idealized fathers.   This has undoubtedly shaped our own perspectives, feelings, and thoughts about our fathers.

-

-

 

-

-

 

  

 When I was young I never questioned that my father was any other than “right and bright.”  Even when he wasn’t.  I measured him against my idealized parent and when he fell short…well…I might feel sorry for myself but I left it at that. Then came the rebellious years of late adolescence and early adulthood.  Dad really wasn’t that great after all.  Then came adulthood and fatherhood for me and Dad’s star began to shine brighter again.  In fact, at times he looked downright “perfect.”  Yeah, the drinking and womanizing and divorcing Mom thing was real; but, somehow I could look past it.  Perhaps it was denial in a big way.  Whatever, it worked for me. 

Then I hit my 50’s and suddenly Dad was old.  Let him be.  The judgments fell by the wayside.  One therapist once asked me why “I protected my Dad so much. Why was I afraid to express anger towards him?”  Honestly, the question has stayed with me for many, many years. 

Then the answers came. For me they were related to my survival.  My mother could not protect me and never did.  My father could and did.  I could overlook the rest.  My very survival was dependent on his survival.  He dies, and then I die.  Dramatic perhaps, but true. At least I thought so.  Until he died I thought so.  Now all I know for sure is that I miss him so - imperfect and perfect as he was.  We only get one chance here.

-

-

I am a father too. I am also an alcoholic.  My own son (now 18 years old) wrote a school paper years ago about alcoholism and substance abuse.  This is an excerpt from the paper he wrote.

 ” I personally have dealt with an alcoholic close to me and have examples of all these problems. Beginning with the dependence issue of alcoholism, many don’t realize the craving they have will take them over completely. They start by staying alone for long times and choosing not to go to events so they can stay behind and drink. My father would stay home on weekend trips, family dinners and events, or even skip days from work to stay alone and binge drink. Then his health started to decline, often being too hung-over to function, constantly throwing up, or having stomach problems that caused absences from everything. His friends learned about his disorder and shied away, as well as our family, we were embarrassed to have him around. After he had been moved out of the house he lost his job as a school principal due to his health and lacking abilities. This is what happens to many alcoholics because they are incapable of getting prepared for there work. That adds to the stress on there mind and they struggle even more. It gets in there heads and leads them to find there escape, alcohol. After a driving incident he lost his license, which made transportation for him as well as the family impossible and caused him a hard time to find a job. He had no money or a place to stay, that happens to many people but there is no recovery story, they end up homeless and can never get back on there feet, or worse the die from complications do to the poison the put in there body daily. However, some recover like my father, they get into rehabilitation centers and then attend meetings day and night to stay sober. Then eventually are capable of getting a job and realizing that they don’t need alcohol to solve there problems and realize it is all in there minds.”

I’ll leave it at that.

Wishing fathers everywhere a peaceful weekend.