Who The Hell Is Lady Gaga? Get Her Off My Lawn! (Updated)
The on-line news features did it to me again. An article titled “You Won’t Believe What Lady Gaga Wore” got me to click on the link. Who needs to worry about health care matters when some C list wannabee comes up with some odd costume to garner the attention her singing voice cannot muster on its own?
I do not mean to be unkind (well, ok, a little bit) but first off the make up and smile make her look like a raccoon with an overbite while the hat, if that is what it should be called, looks like something Minnie Mouse should have worn on her wedding day.
Who gets paid to design these things? More importantly, who thinks wearing them is a good idea?
Stolen From Walt Disney Studios. Last Worn During Minnie’s Marriage to Mickey. Mice Everywhere Weep.
(Photo From WireImage.com)
The article in which this was mentioned also discussed her desire to walk into the MTV Video Music Awards with a lion on a leash. She requested from the show’s promoters the usual champagne and “fluffy towels” per the article in addition to a “jungle animal.”
I have three words for Ms. Gaga: Siegfried and Roy.
Still, “jungle animal” leaves the request open. I mean, I know some teenagers who could fit the description, but I do not think they are sexually perverted enough to agree to a leash. Think of the reaction these rare breeds have to curfews, for God’s sake. Can you imagine an actual leash on those hormonal addled hyenas?
Organizers groused she was trying to upstage the more important acts, like Beyonce whom they credited with having more, uh, dignity. Given Ms. Gaga’s costumes, that seems like damning Ms. Knowles with faint praise.
Well, folks, Lady Gaga does not seem to be the type who sets the bar too high when it comes to dignity.
Supposedly said Lady set off fireworks from her bustier during the 2009 MuchMusic Video Awards held in Toronto, Canada in June of this year. Now, most men like fireworks emanating from a bustier, but most also mean that figuratively rather than literally. We prefer our third degree burns to be inflicted on our well covered hearts, rather than on our faces after a liaison with the deranged. Bad enough to have a Glenn Close clone cooking your pets on your stove as depicted in Fatal Attraction, but at least the pyrotechnics were kept to a minimum in that stark portrayal of what happens when one liaises with the crazy.
Like moths to flames, we all have one of those somewhere in the deep dark recesses of our minds and hopefully just from our youth. When it comes to Lady Gaga, all I can think of is the stern admonishment of the Penguin Commander in Madagascar. “Look away, boys; look away.”
(Photo From WireImage.com)
In the interest of moderate fairness to the lass, Wikipedia claims Ms. Gaga, 23 and originally named Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, allegedly had been signed and then quickly dropped by Def Jam records at the age of 19. She wrote for some bands likely known by those born after I graduated college, and had a debut album in 2008 doing well overseas, with two hit songs, “Just Dance” and “Poker Face,” with the former nominated for Best Dancing Song.
Lady Gaga, following in the footsteps of talented Divas Cher and Madonna, albeit without the talent. More like Paris Hilton with a figure, or Amy Winehouse without the voice, vomit, or vein tracks.
She also claims to be “inspired” by fashion, believing it to be an essential component to her singing and songwriting. How do flaming breasts inspire lyrics? I can see how they may help you hit the high notes while performing should a flare go awry and singe a nipple, but songwriting through fashion?
I’ll have to try writing the next iteration of the absurd while sitting in my bathrobe with an Ocelot growling at my side for creative energy. I wonder if the Ocelot will be able to help me keep the sparklers lit in my backwards worn baseball hat while I search for the right words to express my artistic intentions.
Anyone have a Kodak Instamatic handy? I could become famous.
Updated to add:
Look at that top photo and tell me she is not Charo and Buddy Rich's illegitimate love child from a drunken liaison after a raucous Tonight Show back in the day when those coffee mugs were serving guests high test....
She Sure as Hell Has Daddy's Teeth, and ...
(Photo from rockdrummingsystem.com)
Well, What Else Needs To Be Said?
I took the advice of some of the commenters and checked out two YouTube videos found in Shorea's comment. I posted my reaction here.
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Comments
Thanks for the info. Now I'll feel cool when I meet the next 12 year old. R
Mary: I am not sure what she is.
John: Great, her target market is tweenagers, and she likes to promote breasts flambe? She may be genius, but parents should be given pause.
"Who gets paid to design these things?" I've often wondered these things myself. I've also wondered if there is a good school of design in my area where I can learn the "craft" and start making the kind of jack these "designers" make. But I don't think a middle-aged straight guy can make it in the fashion world: there is a bias.
Buddy Rich tag would be a greater draw, for many of us mon...
Have you heard of Tia Tequila?...
Thanx for the laugh...
Rated, from another cat a tad long in tooth too...
I'm so glad I'm an old fart. I can't keep up with these people.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Owens_(burlesque_performer)
Her show is much better than Lady Gaga's, and she's actually a very sweet old lady.
Trudge: I feel your pain. Old white men have it rough out there. And they wonder why we are angry? The injustice of it all. (Settle down any of you who read the comments, it's a joke.)
General: I realize I am out of the loop when People Magazine doesn't reach me, anymore. I've subscribed for years for light hearted lakeside reading, but all to which I can relate anymore happens to be who sticking it to whom in the British Royal Family. Charles and Camilla doing the nasty with Sheldon running the video camera from the next stable, just doesn't do it for me.
Patrick: added the rich tag and no idea who Tia happens to be. My pop culture card is full digesting the wonder that is Lady Gaga.
Mad: Well, I appreciate the counter opinion. I am sure she works hard at this stuff, but it is tough to get my head around. Go sing, damn it. Spare me the exploding breasts and leashed wildlife.
Owl: Just one more small service I offer.
Cartouche: I loved the tonight show stuff.
Leandra: I remember Garry Owens from Laugh in, does that count?
Why do you all insist on calling performers (women) morons? Gaga is a performer, and her job is to keep you looking--it is working. I love the flaming bustier--Madonna meets Nina Hagen. The get-ups are first rate--to me they are a mock of the shitty pop-star standard dress. I don't care if she can sing, but great if she can get me to dance!
Ghost: I have no illusions of being her target market. Singing is singing. I guess if you want performance art, that's another thing. In the second comment, you opined about her making you want to dance. Yeah, I want to dance, as well. I like it to be because of rhythm and the like rather than having a performance artist seemingly lactate sparks directed at my feet to get them moving, if you know what I mean. But good for you for sticking up for her.
Jeff: Only thing worse would be to manage the cars at the "It's a Small World" Ride at Disney.
Blue: Pretty Much, yes.
Noah: Yeah. Old Charo was a piece of work.
Steve: You should be very, VERY penitent.
So, do you have any plans this weekend....?
It's sad that now very talented musicians and songwriters have taken to outlandish outfits in order to get into the 'mainstream' However, to know her is to know that she's a classically trained pianist and amazingly talented songwriter who just happens to sing. We see people like Pink or others that throw out all this glitz that we fail to see the undercarriage.
I've had the privledge of watching her perform with just her voice and a piano and she's absolutely amazing. My feeling is that her first album had to be outrageous in order for her to do the things she really wants to do in the future. That's sadly the nature of the business.
But if you want to look to someone who did outlandish things to override their ordinary looks and promote their true talents, one only needs to look at Elton John in the 70's and early 80's in his donald duck outfits and crazy glasses.
While I realize that her you tube videos are slightly shy of being considered porn, I don't harbor any ill feelings toward Lady Gaga.
It is hard to understand why she wears so much mascara, and a wig...what is she hiding and what does she really look like? Still yet, she can't be any worse than what I grew up with. (Didn't Ozzy bite the head off of a bat at a concert? Gross! What about how sleazy Madonna was for a while- before she stood the test of time and turned into a music industry icon? What about Pink Floyd and all the people who thought his music was better understood after partaking of some kind of drug?)
^@!#
I respectfully disagree that she is talentless. Maybe she doesn't have the greatest voice, but she does write her own catchy music. Even if it does have the feel of something written by the Ministry of Truth for the Proles, at least she did it. I would argue that she is no less talented than Madonna, whose voice is questionable and writing credits are even more so.
"look away boys" too funny.
Aunt Mabel: I have never watched her. No clue.
Momsacomic: I do not know her, and the outfit does not compel me to know her.
MAWB: I am in agreement.
O'Really?: Now that Bea Arthur's gone my weekends are free. Whaddya got in mind?
1Woman's: Well, I figured I had to be SOMEWHAT fair and try to find out who the hell she is. Nothing chimed in my belfry on this kid.
Lulu: Thanks.
Alian/Manchu: I like that some folks were able to come and offer positives. Sometimes the appearance puts off. Happens all the time. Think of hiring for entry level jobs, for example. And, Yeah, Elton John took a page out of Liberace's book, if not a piece of the old Pole's heart. (No Pole jokes, now.)
Ms. Tai: Ok, leet's add you to the Pro Gaga contingent.
R. Bomb. As I said, I figured I had to be fair about it.
Caroline: You know the way to my heart, kid.
Rita: glad you liked it!
Iamsurly: I never got my head around Charo's act either, save for the cleavage and hip movements. This Portnoy was not complaining.
Incandescent: Yeah, I would imagine Colbert would have a similar reaction to mine.
I know who she is, but then, I'm like 3! :)
Hey, curmudgeons have open minds, too, you know.
Harvey: The increase of communications outlets mandates more content. Think of it as pro sports expansion and the dilution of the product. That speak your language? :)
Phaedo: Not sure I know what that means.
Sweetfeet: Comments like that always make me feel good. This frustrated stand up comic thanks you.
In this case we're united; we both agree it's shit
To see her personality and voice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwdXnlvUe3I
To see her skills on the piano
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP8SrlbpJ5A
Incandescent: I am aware the generational issues. Hence the title and the use of the term "Get off my lawn" I was poking fun of myself as much as her.
Shorea: I do not want to SEE her. I want to HEAR her. Her bag is music. I do not need to see pyrtotechnics when I am trying to listen to sound.
Rated!
You old farts just don't appreciate good campy fun when you see it.
Robin: Why a boat ride? Reminds me of one of my departed father's favorite jokes from the 40s or 50s my mother used to recount with a laugh... "I want you in the worst way." "Ok, how about standing up in a canoe?" Da dump bump.
Renee: From Garland to Streisand to Gaga? How will female impersonators be able to keep up with her natural camp?
Bike: Exactly my point. If a voice is good, it should stand on its merits. I do not like cheerleaders and T-shirt cannons at basketball games or any of the other hype to occupy us during TV time outs at football games, either. I just want to watch the game, and I just want to listen to music....
Ghost: Glad you keep coming back to offer an opposing view ... sort of. :) You've been respectful for the most part, save for the old fart comment, but it is probably earned. :)
Now, thanks to you, Gwool, we have this enlightening discussion.
Well, I’ve just deferred my more pressing tasks of the morning to listen to Lady GaGa’s rendition of “Pokerface” via YouTube (thanks for the link, @shorea) – and I’m impressed! I listened to the entire 3½ minute clip in a state of less than slack-jawed enrapture, but considerably more than dismissive indifference. She displays an entertaining vocal talent and a campy stage presence that hints of sunken wells of intelligence burbling within that …bodice.
Great oaks have sprung from far more modest acorns than I see here. It’ll be interesting to watch the arc of her newly sprung flame. Uh, fame… infamy… whatever.
If that mea culpa comes I'll dispense with the old fart retorts;);;;;)););;;;))))))