America's Favorite TV Dad ... What Does It Say About US?
An annual Harris Poll of 2,681 US adults listed the following top 15 favorite TV dads:
1. Cliff Huxtable of "The Cosby Show"
2. Ward Cleaver of "Leave It to Beaver"
3. Jim Anderson of "Father Knows Best"
4. Andy Taylor of "The Andy Griffith Show"
5. Ozzie Nelson of "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"
6. Mike Brady of "The Brady Bunch"
7. Howard "Mr. C" Cunningham of "Happy Days"
8. "Pa" Charles Ingalls of "Little House on the Prairie"
9. Ben Cartwright of "Bonanza"
10. Tim Taylor of "Home Improvement"
11. Danny Tanner of "Full House"
12. Archie Bunker of "All in the Family"
13. Steve Douglas of "My Three Sons"
14. Homer Simpson of "The Simpsons" and Al Bundy of "Married with Children" (tie)
So what does this tell us about ourselves? Right around half of them come from the 1950s and 1960s before the dawn of the Age of Aquarius that was the birth of the culture war waged by Baby Boomers and likely not to end until the final member of this Hatfield and McCoy generation has eaten their last dish of tapioca in the home 40 years from now. (Suck it up gen Xers, we take care of ourselves. We're here and we sneer. And we're getting older and crankier as our physical beauty fades in the mirror, unfortunately.)
First off, these are not terribly realistic representations of modern day fatherhood. There were few two-working families. There were few challenges to a man's authority in the old, traditional, stay-at-home mom-while-dad-makes-the-big-bucks-and-then-comes-home-and-solves-the-conflict. A man's self doubts were offset by this traditional role of, dare I say it, a woman submitting and focusing on supporting the father.
Modern day sitcoms have the haphazard oaf with the beautiful, forgiving wife tolerating his screw ups, rolling her eyes at him, and neither her nor the kids generally showing any respect for him. He's the sad man in the clown suit who unrealistically manages to hold onto the girl and do right by his kids in spite of himself.
That's not a terribly healthy image after which to pattern oneself, now is it? Tim Taylor in Home Improvement had that one in spades. Of course, he had a Svengali neighbor, Wilson, who always manged to impart pearls before Tim. Tim would then oink the sentiment in garbled syntax for a laugh and try to atone for his sins.
But it was easy for Wilson. He was alone. He had no demands on his time or stresses of money, sex, or parenting. He just stared at a picket fence walling him off from these day-to-day stresses and "consulted." Those who can, do; those who can't, teach; or so an old adage goes to which I have added, "and those who can't teach, consult."
Several of these fathers were also doing it alone. My Three Sons, Bonanza, and The Andy Griffiths Show had men doing it all on their own and not having to figure out daughters. No marital discord; no difficulties of navigating the waters as a separated parent. They were widowers. Celibate widowers, assuming, of course, that Andy wasn't stealing the town drunk's stash and trying to have his way with "Aunt Bea." She was just there to impart wisdom in a loving fashion to him rather than rip him a new one if he messed up dealing with idyllic little Opie.
There's another aspect of favorite TV dads. No real financial stresses, and no signs of marital discord about intimacy or parenting differences. You never saw Ward Cleaver coming home from having his head sharpened by his boss, or after having gotten a lousy performance review to have June chew his ass for not having cleaned out the gutters like he promised or announcing she needed more money NOW because she had to buy this or that for the kids, and the budget was unrealistic.
The home didn't stoke the fires of Ward's self doubts.
So you didn't see Ward fighting hard not to explode reaching for the whiskey bottle to flop into his chair and try to settle down as Beaver stumbled in with whatever his issue happened to have been. In that way Ward did not strafe bomb Beaver's cute little behind because he could not take one more demand on his time as he tried to drink away his concerns, given he felt like he had to take them all on by himself given he felt there was no compassion or understanding for what he was going through either because of the reality of his communication with his wife or because of his own self loathing.
It's easy to be the strong silent type when bolstered by support and serenity rather than with unpleasantly loud white noise of bickering, interruptions, attacks, and assignment of blame for mutually created difficulties. Those family sitcoms showed an idyllic family environment devoid of the challenges of anything other than consoling a girl over a DNA-free stain on her prom dress from her younger sibling's tootsie roll right before the big dance.
Ward wasn't bailing Wally out of jail after he got loaded and smacked up the family station wagon after having unprotected sex with the Mayor's daughter. He didn't have to leave to take the walk of shame to gather his son, devastated by the outcome, after his wife made it clear to him -- or in self doubt he made himself believe -- that Wally clearly picked up that pattern from Ward, anyway.
That's why Dan Connor on the sitcom Roseanne feels conspicuous by his absence on this list. That was fatherhood in the reality of a two parent family struggling to pay bills and repair homes with limited funds and deal with kids with real challenging problems. Dan always looked like he was walking on eggshells trying not to blow and trying not to incur his wife's wrath waiting for her to blow.
Dan and Roseanne would tear into one another. One would try to remain calm. The argument would rise. One would interrupt and yell; the other would yell, and then all hell would break loose. Ultimately, though, Dan and Roseanne would acknowledge their roles and work it out. They didn't hold grudges. They let it go and forgave one another.
I mean, it is television after all.
The Huxtables or Taylors, laying in bed in alluring clothes either before or after some tender intimacy, would respectfully talk it out. Rarely was there a parenting issue over which they disagreed. Never was blame or accusation hurled. It was as if their fictitious home towns had not flouride in the drinking water but valium. Or maybe it is just that love and respect are sedatives for the soul.
And so perhaps that is why those fathers rate high on the list. They are who we so desperately want to be for our children. But it's to the self esteem of men as fathers what unrealistic depictions of beauty are to women and their self esteem regarding their physical appearance. Men will never be Ward Cleaver and women will never be Barbie.
So how do real fathers find that sense of calm depicted in unrealistic sitcoms? How do they forget or compartmentalize the pressures of job, money, sex, and the damages of spousal miscommunication to be better dads for their kids? How do mothers and fathers sublimate their own self doubt without lashing out at one other over how to parent their children?
Perhaps a remake of Peter Sellers classic Being There is in order with the Sellers role of Chance as a father. Deemed simple minded and oblivious, Chance, later named Chauncey Gardner, stuns people with his wisdom.
And it is a wisdom he learned from only watching television devoid of knowledge of the real world in his sheltered existence as a wealthy man's gardener.
Or maybe we need to stop glorifying unrealistic depictions of what authentic families look like. Maybe there needs to be a sitcom with the title I would love give to the unwritten self help book in my head itching to come out.
Father Knows Jack.
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Comments
Can anyone tell me what the hell Ozzie did for a living? My theory is that he stood in the closet all day.
R
I think this is why when TV became of age it birthed the anti father of Homer, Rosanne (she was the father) and Bundie. It struck a cord because in some ways it was realistic, but in other ways it pandered to the lowest common denominator.
The Cosby show was a return to the fantasy father and family of the 50s and 60s. Here where two professionals a OB-GYN and partner in a law firm who were home all the time. Sorry you do not make partner without working 12-16 hour days. And doctors especially OB-GYNs are usually at the hospital.
I agree the father in today's TV family is a duffus and the bunt of every joke. It is the teens and children who are the wise ones imparting life's lessons to the parents. Sorry that is not the case and families that allow their children to be in control produce the most dysfunctional children and families our society has ever seen.
TV by nature is not realistic and contains more social engineering based on faulty philosophies and theories than reality. Maybe that is why families that try and follow the advice of TV end up in such a mess.
Some shows have tried to impart a sense of real life, but they do not do well because the main function of TV is to forget real life.
Ozzie, Anderson and Ward sold insurance I believe. Steve Douglas was an aeronautical engineer, Brady was an architect, Cartwright was a land and cattle baron, Tanner a TV personality, Cunningham a hardware store owner, Archie a dock worker, Pa was a farmer, Huxtable a doctor, Tim taylor a TV show host, and Homer a nuclear power plant operator, and Bundie sold shoes.
A correction. Ozzie worked in advertising. This was stated in a Rock Hudson movie that the Nelsons appeared in as Ozzie and Harriet.
I think, though, that we do create our own lives. Sure, we have the pressure to pay the bills, sustain our relationships and keep our own dreams alive, and we too often make choices without considering the long-term results, but I suspect the main disservice of pop-culture pressures is to mislead us into believing we have no real options.
I don't know if it's possible to build an Ozzie-and-Harriet/Leave It to Beaver life, although I remember my childhood looking remarkably like that. It is, however, possible to live intentionally, to live according to priorities we have consciously set. We only have to recognize that whatever priority tops the list, others must necessarily receive less resources.
As for the rosy scenario about fatherhood and life presented in most of these shows, you said it best -- it is television. I must say, though, I find the portrayal of DAD (Dad As Deity) infinitely preferable to the portrayal of DAD (Das As Dolt) that pervades TV these days.
In fact, in general, as unrealistic as most of Fifties and Sixties TV was, most of it was far better fare than the smut and inanity that dominates TV these days -- especially the fantasy they call Reality TV. It was called the Golden Age of television for a reason.
Personally, I watch very little network TV. I much prefer CSPAN or football or IFC, and occasionally I discover a remarkable little movie like the one I happened on the other night called "Into the Wild".
Apparently no one watched it in theatrical release because they were too busy poppin big bucks to see "The 300" or "Fast and Superfluous" or the latest formulaic animated nonsense from Disney. To hell with calling it GenX, let's call it what it is: GenLCD.
Yeah, I'm becoming a grouchy old man -- and with good reason. That brings me to a chicken and egg question I'd like to ask, though I have no answer: Does TV present negative portrayal of Dads reflect how Dads have changed, or has that negative portrayal changed how we view Dads?
Excellent post on the importance of real fathers who live in a real world. You decide what fatherhood looks like, not some fake phoney Hollywood idealized version.
Caroline: Introspection happens if you are too survive teenagers.
MTodd: You got a lot out there and seem to know the details behind these sitcoms better than I.
High Lonesome: Well, there's setting priorities and there's balance between priorities. Parents ideally are also couples and therefore once in a while the kids need to be told no to something so mom and dad can be husband and wife. Without sensing that support it likely becomes more difficult to be the mom and the dad. Hence why sitcoms likely never address that struggle in any meaningful way.
Mary: Interesting take re being the sole arbiter of what fatherhood looks like.
Nikki: Yes, reality TV is largely a cost cutting move, as an hour long survivor episode costs about a 1/10th of an hour long drama series like the whinefest Brothers & Sisters.
Tom: Saved you for last for your unanswerable question about life imitating art or vice versa. Fatherhood seems to me to be the hidden casualty of the move towards gender equality at work and home. We can find numerous articles and statements regarding the difficulties of working mom's. Well, in the old rubric, dads were working dads. I am not trying to incite a feminist rebellion in the comments section here, as I want to make clear I am discussing parenting and not the notion of the working wife and mother still doing all the housework chores while dad flakes out on the couch. I am talking PARENTING. Dad's are making adjustments on all sorts of other aspects as this equality increases. Parenting seems to get lost in that equation, as the equality issue focuses around mom and dad as adults, not mom and dad as parents....
Later shows are not as "Dad" oriented as women have taken on more and more major roles in family television. Changing times, not reflected in these traditional family roles...as the roles are no longer as reflective of older views of traditional. New ball game for men and women and how family is portrayed these days.
But, I am very surprised by Dan Connor not being on this list. As you said, arguably he is more typical of fathers than almost any other person on this list. (Fortunately no one said Ralph Waite!)
Rated
And none of that is to argue with anything you said.
Very Christian Nation Dads.
Walter: The survey base simply said adults, so I imagine it's 25 and up, but I could be wrong about that.
High: I get the point there about set lives. I was more talking in terms of having that balance inside and outside the family but losing the balance inside the family between being intimate partners in marriage and supportive partners in parenting. Sometimes you have to put the kids second or else the primary union will fall apart.
Cartouche: Looks are deceiving. Close your eyes and recall that girlish giggle of hers. I bet the old girl could have been a tigress that would have put Bea Arthur to shame. Ask Sheldon. He knows. Mr. Ed was on right afterwards where I lived.
Rita: And that might be part of the problem. These guys do all that stuff thinking they are way more supportive than their dads were while the moms read the cosmopolitan ideation of the truly equal marriage and resent more is not being done. For a guy who came from a family system where dad never did diapers, the idea that he does them 33% of the time might seem heroic while the mom reading about dads doing it 50% of the time feels like she is getting the short end of the stick. Who knows ....
Verbal: That's a pretty cool insight I had not pondered. Take it a step further thought. Does this mean we should be upset we are losing that christian nation sense or be heartened by it? Families have become more varied, more diverse, more broken, more single parent-oriented. How do the two observations tie in your mind?
GeeBee: No idea, but any advice from Bobcat has to be way, way out of the mainstream.
Dorinda: Thank You!
This was great Gwoo - I do happen to think that a lot of dads get crap for trying their best because it doesn't measure up to that 50%. It will take a few generations, is what I think.
my favorite tv dad on that list. pa from little house on the prarie. such an ideal father to have. a hard working man that provided for his family and always open to helping out in others in need...
But I don't see them as namby pambys like John. They actually fit the psychological profile of the type of figure children are most likely to listen to and automatically confer respect to - teacherly, with a mildly authoritarian manner. What's it mean, you ask? Um, we're all third graders.
Shhh! They'll hear you and then you'll have another flame war on your hands. You know, how you're a privileged white male who's a pillar of the Patriarchy who has it all and are in charge of the world.
No elephants in the living room in those households.
And John I think you're right about Ozzie....but perhaps the closet you mentioned was really a metaphor. Yikes Ozzie was gay!
you make a lot of sense
I think, in some ways, we have lost a lot
the days when women who wanted to could stay home and focus on the kids and husband were better in parts
the days when most men were loyal and put their families first were better for kids and women (and when women were loyal too)
Thinks for reminding us what they all did. I was sitting here reading, and enjoying and agreeing with, this piece and was trying to remember what they all did for a living.
You know we are old. Except for a few my kids woulds "who".
Wicked: Thanks for that take on things. The idea of a military dad doing that kind of work is a humorous visual.
Rita: The closeness is probably borne out of the necessity to do so as more women have full time jobs outside the home. I was incredibly fortunate as a father in that my office was attached to the house from 1991 onward. Barring a conference call or what not, the baby monitor could be put on and their mom could head to the store for an errand and the like. I got to take each kid out to breakfast on their birthday, for example. I got to each lunch and hang out with them as preschoolers in the middle of the day. On the flip side, I did not have the decompression time of a commute to assist in compartmentalizing running an undercapitalized small business and being a co-parent to four kids that is likely good practice for applying for a job as an air traffic controller. :)
Sandra: I like the image of us all being 3rd graders better than Verbal's observation about god like father figures....
Mr. e: That's an understandable reaction if one is pushing hard for gender equality. By definition there has to be a winner and loser for parity. But, with some empathy, it should also be doable to understand the pressures as they relate to the impact work force equality has on the traditional parenting roles.
Gail: You may have wanted Danny Thomas as a father, but I had far more lascivious designs on Marlo Thomas. :)
Kathy: There's a lot in that commentary. It all centers around the changes in what a typical family looks like and what drivers there do more damage to kids and what ones do not. Way too nuanced for glib remarks in a comments section, though.
catnlion: Thanks for chiming in.
I think there has to be some middle ground between Cliff Huxtable and Dan Connor - now that is a show I could sink my teeth into (and please leave the gorgeous wife at the door...)
In many families there were also slimy undercurrents you don't mention because you're not that kind of sicko dad. Hmm, seems I grew up in Mad Men. Why weren't they on the list? More realistic by far.
Sally: I find Mad Men fascinating as well. I was in a rural setting of sorts in a town of about 10,000 abutting an ailing mill town of 45,000 where both my parents had been born. Dad worked out of the house as an accountant to small businesses travelling to their locations and working crazy hours around tax time. So the NYC/Westchester county thing glorified and idealized by the Dick Van Dyke show is interesting to see from a darker perspective. I did have occasion to visit the office of the president of a pretty successful Boston Ad agency as a young marketeer and saw the booze flowing around 4 pm, but the treatment of women in that era is really kind of startling. I am looking forward to more story line about the tall Red Head whose husband just got bounced out of the surgical residency. I really like that character as her good looks preclude her from having her other talents appreciated as opposed to the plainer one who rose out of the ranks.
Your last line says it all. Great post!
Or perhaps my fascination with language would just make eyes slam shut at the word play, who knows.
I say this all the time: the goregous mom and fat dad thing is getting old.
I love Cliff Huxtable. I also love the dad from Malcom in the Middle and the dad from Lois'n Clark. ;P
I also admit I used to fantasize about having Pa walton as a father. He worked hard but always had time, and suffered much.
It's also interesting that the super-dads of the '50s & '60s had white-collar jobs, while the later, doltish dads (Bunker, Bundy, Simpson) were working-class. Quite telling, that.
Donkey: I have been thinking about the Waltons as many have raised that show. Given it was set in the depression, I suspect it was a little different. That was a time when the entire nation shared those fears as opposed to current situations that are more a function of the structural shifts in our economy as we pivot from a manufacturing to an information/technology economy. Automation wipes out slews of jobs and collapses the middle class all at the same time, and there is little public policy can do about it. The great depression, frankly, was driven by a similar shift as we pivoted from an agrarian-based one to a manufacturing-based one that really did not transition completely until we had the world on the brink and had to pump out armaments as fast as possible for survival of the free world as we knew it.
And that economic turmoil scared the greatest generation in ways unfathomable to Gen Xers and below. I recall my mother talking of how her mother's hair went white in one summer. My grandfather ran a grocery store, so he was gainfully employed, yet still came home one evening to announce to my grandmother after he thought my mother was asleep that they had $12 to their name. He also gave his workers the option of half wages or half of them laid off from the store and allowed them to make the decision. They opted for half wages.
And this meltdown, if it stabilizes, still pales in comparison. We have better regulation, and we have better react time thanks in large part to automated business intelligence systems and controls that faciliate the economic management of commerce. Takes less time to react inventory wise, for example, and on and on and on.