I was auditing MSNBC while reading a book yesterday when this little nugget tumbled from the blond coifed visage of the eye appealing talking head: One in four Americans cannot properly identify the country from which we gained our Independence.
Sweet Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?
Singer Meatloaf believes "three out of four ain't bad," and oftentimes I am inclined to agree, but not on this one. The only way you should boot this one is if you have Alzheimer's, and if you don't then someone should do us all a favor and place a pillow over your head and press down really, really hard, you waste of oxygen!
Next time you are in a crowd, look to your left, look to your right, and then look straight ahead. There’s a good chance one of those morons can’t identify Britain as the country from which we gained our independence.
This is not a hard question, people. This is not some twit from Mensa trying to show off by asking you to parse Einstein’s theory of relativity so they can jump in an correct you and wax pedantic about it. This is not a political wonk asking you to name your governor, senators and congressmcritter, which should be doable, nor is it a wonk asking you to name all nine Supreme Court Justices, which can get a tad dicey.
Paul Revere did not yell "The Ghanans are coming! The Ghanans are coming!" For fuck's sake, did you sleep through third grade all three times you took it, you moron?
Now, I will readily admit my being a native New Englander likely has me more imbued with Revolutionary War history than someone from parts of the country settled after the fact. I will admit to fuzzy knowledge of the shit stirring with Mexico that spawned Texas. There’s likely a slightly different spin on “The War of Northern Aggression” south of the Mason Dixon Line, to boot. Californians likely have better command of the facts around the Gold Rush. I get that.
But the question wasn’t asking for a whole hell of a lot of detail, folks. Name the country? THE COUNTRY?
This is something you were fed by elementary school teachers. It was later re-enforced in your high school American History class.
Furthermore, I do not care how horrid a school system or how dated the text book. This little fun fact is going to be expressed and articulated no matter how dimwitted, disinterested, or incompetent the instruction.
There’s roughly 300 million people in the country, meaning 75 million cannot answer the question. Cede that all 11 or so million illegal immigrants screw this one up, and that leaves 64 million Americans unable to correctly identify Britain as the country from whom we gained independence.
This is John Belushi as Bluto Blutarsky in Animal House talking about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor… only worse.
Then again, the credits rolled indicating later in life he was Senator Blutarsky.
If the country is going to hell in a hand basket, then I suggest you consider the pithy rejoinder attributed to cartoon character Pogo …
I have seen the enemy and he is us.
So, by all means enjoy the long holiday weekend. But, should you have a few minors in your charge, take the time to TEACH them about the country in which they live.
If you are also blessed with a few adult cretins in your mix, stand by the beer cooler and make them answer the question before reaching for another 12 ounce personality can.
One in four Americans cannot properly indentify the country from which we gained our independence.
Shoot me now. Just fucking shoot me now.