Levi Johnston, the sperm donor in the romantic misalliance with Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol that spawned the love child known as Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, has decided to follow in his unwed Mother-in-law’s footsteps.

Levi Johnston For Mayor?  Lights are on, but ... 

No, he does not want to do damage to John McCain's career and legacy.  Levi wants to become the Mayor of Wasilla Alaska, population 10,256 in 2008.  Born in 1990, it remains unclear to this arm chair political pundit just what skills Levi brings to bear here.

Then again, this arm chair political pundit has difficulty understanding just what skills Sarah Palin brought to bear either, so what the hell do I know?

I just watched Levi’s Manager/Body Guard, Tank Johnson, discuss this on MSNBC.  Tank, as his name implies, seems to clearly have entered the body guard business before engaging in a little horizontal integration by jumping into the seemingly unrelated aspect of celebrity handling known as management.  Shoving cameras into the Paparazzi’s face one minute and then plotting the long term career arc of a 20 year-old kid who will never become the poster child for Mensa the next.  Aim low, Tank.  Aim really, reeeaaallllyyyyyyyyyy, low.

It took a while to get over Tank’s balding, dual ear-ringed visage and neck that looked like a package of hot dogs that had me thinking of Mr. Clean-gone-to-seed.  Only then could I listen to his words.  Levi reportedly had this opportunity presented to him.  He was not thinking of it himself.

I have no difficulty with that.  I am pretty sure there’s not a lot of thinking going on there.  Regardless his intellectual acumen, he’s 20.  Not a lot of big brain thinking goes on with a 20 year-old male.  I am pretty sure little Levi is calling the shots, and little Levi likes that black, high haired flip do of one Bristol Palin, so you know the little guy is not exactly burning the midnight oil, either.  Eager to apply oil, maybe, but certainly not burning it.

So running for Mayor was not his idea, per Tank.  Levi wants to do it, per Tank, to be closer to his son.  He also wanted to do something that was difficult.

Well, that is fraught with a whole host of unanswered questions.

Let’s parse the last first.  What is it about running for Mayor of Wasilla that is difficult?  Is it pounding in lawn signs in the frozen Tundra?  I am imagine Tank can get that done with head butts.

Is it shaking hands and looking people in the eye and not mumbling?  Is it dialing the phone and asking people for their vote?

Or is it, you know, the actual job in the event he got elected?  Wasilla’s population is a couple thousand less than a small community where I was a selectman.  I got $1,300 a year for that with an extra $200 the year I was the chairman.  The Wasilla Mayor pulls down 68 large. 

Hell, I’m thinking of relocating.

So Levi wants to run for the job of managing a town of 10,200 for $68,000 per year.  He’s 20.  He has a push/pull relationship with the Palins that likely generates a stir up in those parts while the rest of us are dying for that errant cell phone call where Sarah is stripping the bark off the poor lad to some third party such as her husband.

She will undoubtedly be nailing him at every turn.  I imagine his intellect will be called into question.  I imagine he will be called opportunistic, narcissistic, and woefully under qualified for the job.

To which we will think to ourselves upon hearing the tirade, “Pot, kettle, black.”

Come on Paparazzi dig up the dirt.

But Levi has the ultimate trump card in all of this should the bad blood between he and the Palin’s intensify.  He does, indeed, have the ultimate comeback to this nasty bit of family feuding that seems almost like a macabre Ed Wood Movie remake of Green Acres or Petticoat Junction as channeled through movie director Tim Burton.

As bad and as stupid and cretinous an individual as he may actually be, Levi is not the one dating and mating with Levi.  Bristol Palin is.

And that’s an Apple that most assuredly appears to be nestled right up against the tree out of which it fell.

Celebrity death matches have lost their cache.  From Burton and Taylor and the colossal flop known as the movie Cleopatra to these wastes of oxygen and the Mayoralty of the sleepy little village of Wasilla, Alaska.

 From This ...

 ... To This

Go Ahead, put some positive spin on this.  I dare you. 

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Cleopatra pic from Vide0detective.com 

Other two from http://moblog.whmsoft.net