I’m good at everything I put my mind to. That’s not arrogance; it’s just what is. I believe it comes from being physically abused all my childhood trying to get my mother’s approval.

 I wanted it so much that I put all my energy into all my talents and being the best at everything I did so she would just once give me the “atta girl.”

I’m almost 50 years old and I’m still waiting.

My talents are vast, they include painting, drawing, writing, crafting, sewing and just about anything creative. I don’t like following the rules in my entire creativeness. Like coloring outside the lines. I don’t have a painting style, most instructors want you to follow one of the greats and their techniques; but I thought art was expressing your own creativity not someone else’s.

Actually in all that I do I go a bit outside the lines, when I sew I don’t use a pattern. I really don’t even have an idea until I hold the fabric and allow it to talk to me and tell me what it wants to be. Okay even to me that sounded crazy. Hmm…Crazy ain’t what it use to be anyways…moving on…

I wanted to be a fashion designer since I was little but when I took my first job in fashion with Nygard International my dream was squashed big time.  I found out that stealing..oh ahh borrowing designs is not only done on a regular basis, its done by most fashion houses.

You see my job was to sketch the design on the computer. This was the process: The buyers from Paris, New York and Milan would bring in other designers upcoming clothes. I would sketch the design on the computer then Peter Nygard and other top execs would change a slanted pocket and make it straight. Take a four-button suit to a 3 button. Little changes here and there to other people’s designs. And after I got through with them they were now a Nygard design.

Welcome to the real world of design. It was the last fashion house I worked for.

I still love to sew and expressing my creativity in different ways. I don’t do it for money although some of my friends are actually pissed off at me because they believe I’m wasting my talents. I have taken a few of my talents to a professional level and do you know what I realized? It took the fun out of it. It made it a job!

Creativity is not supposed to be harnessed with a price tag attached. It doesn’t feel right. Is that not what it’s all about? How it makes you feel while you are creating it, when you have completed it and other peoples reaction to it. Not what you can fetch in price and if you can mass-produce and market it.

I love to make things and give them away. I love to create things just to say I did it! But it seems other people believe just because I can do it they can place an order. It’s like if you can take pictures well everyone knows someone who needs a wedding to be shot, and usually at a discount or for free. I hate shooting weddings. You can’t pay me enough these days to deal with bitchy bridezillas.  It took away everything I loved about photography. I don’t take pictures anymore.

I love sewing little girl clothing. Sure I would love some big contract at a huge store like Macy’s. But I live in reality. So I make clothes for all the little girls in my life. But then you have the friends who want you to make them clothes for their favorite waitress’ little girl, a friend of a friend’s little girl and so on, and so on.

It gets frustrating. Okay I’m one of those nice people that just can’t say no.  Well that was til recently.

It seems saying no because you just don’t want to, is not an acceptable answer.

Hmm… who would have thunk that?