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FEBRUARY 18, 2010 9:38PM

Ask Not For Whom the Bell Tolls; It Tolls For Y'all

Rate: 4 Flag

Villains camp, night 3: it's raining. It's raining lots. Everyone sits around marvelling at the extent to which it is raining. Rob points out, in an interview, that if they'd sack up and build a shelter, this would not be an issue. Since when is Rob the brains of anything?

The next morning, everyone finally gets to work on a shelter. Randy tells us they're actually on design 4 or 5 of the shelter, and the designs have been getting progressively worse. You'd think he might note this to someone else. Rob suggests a design immediately shot down by Parvati. Rob gets fed up and walks off-screen. Courtney says if their "bright shining star," Rob, drops dead, all these "fools" will be screwed. I enjoy how everyone on the Villains tribe thinks that everyone else on the tribe is the problem.

Some shelter redesigning is going on over at the Heroes tribe as well. While Rupert and Stephenie work on some snacks for the tribe, we see they are not quite getting along. Rupert wants to get rid of Steph for strategic purposes, and she's getting really annoyed with him and his opinions and his coconut popcorn. In her defense, I have no idea what's up with the coconut popcorn, either.

Back at the Villains camp, Rob wishes he'd taken a dictator approach to the game as opposed to a diplomat. While he and Sandra work on the shelter, he says in passing that he doesn't feel too well, dropping the anvil of foreshadowing on Sandra's toe. Parvati, Courtney, and I think Danielle (I love that every time Danielle is on-screen, I completely do not remember who she is. Oh yeah, it's that one girl who did that thing that time.) comment on how much it sucks that all the good guys are on the Heroes team. Well, dears, it may be time to invest in a dictionary.

A shaky handcam informs us that Rob is not doing so well. Jerri finds him passed out on the jungle floor. Rob is barely responding to Jerri but he manages to choke out, "Get help." Jeff and the medics show up, and we go to commercials, so you know he's not dead.

When we come back from commercials, Rob is semi-awake. "The funny thing about being unconscious is you don't remember anything," he says. That's my favourite, personally. I was on a morphine drip after a surgery once and it was lovely. All I remember is a dream about Jim Morrison's head with a sparkly purple comet tail floating around a wooden chair. Anywho, Rob tries to drink some water but nearly drops the bottle. The medics tell Jeff that Rob looks worse than he is. After another minute or two, Rob decides that his "niceness" has made him physically ill, and is going to return to being the bastard Jeff knows and loves for the rest of the game. Jeff fanboys for a moment and sends Rob back to camp.

The immunity challenge involves two members of each tribe at a time rolling crates back to a platform in order to build a staircase that has their tribe's name on it. The Heroes take an early lead, and the Villains overtake them in the building part of the challenge and win. Toward the end of the challenge, the Heroes start bickering with each other. It seems to start with JT's frustration over getting a piece of the puzzle wrong, and then everyone starts yelling at once. After the challenge, James points out that nothing gets done when nobody's listening to each other. Steph is offended, because "everyone" means "Steph," but says nothing.

Back at camp, the Heroes review the challenge and all seem to come to James's previous conclusion. JT is frustrated that no one was listening to him. Rupert points out that Rob flat-out told his tribe to shut up and listen to him, and it worked. Amanda also notes that without a leader, they were screwed. James gets unnecessarily incensed, forgetting that everyone just agreed with him, and restates everything at a higher volume. After James storms into the jungle, Roger Sterling interviews that he'd love to show James where he is in the winner/loser equation. Zing! I think this calls for martinis, Sterling. To the bar!

Over at the Villains camp, Dragon Slayer sings Rob's praises. I wonder if Jerri should be jealous. Russell certainly is, and to prove his status as "King Russell," he spears a chicken. Yes, we're all very proud of you, sweetie. Gold star.

James reminds everyone at the Heroes camp of Steph's previous season, in which she lost every single challenge. James deduces that the common denominator in every loss was Steph, and wants everyone to vote her off. JT has concerns because one of his alliances is with Steph, and he could be down to - Heaven forfend! - only one alliance if she leaves. JT apparently was expecting to be able to have alliances with everyone and never have to piss anyone off, bless his heart. Roger Sterling, being in possession of at least half a brain, says he knows he can't trust JT at this point. He talks to Steph and Colby about getting rid of Amanda by swaying Cirie and Candice. Cirie tells Candice that she doesn't understand where this perceived alliance between herself and Amanda is coming from, because Amanda took Parvati to the final, not Cirie. When Candice asks who Cirie wants to get rid of, Cirie shrugs and says, "As long as it's not you or me, I don't care." I like Cirie this week.

At tribal, James says he was talking to Steph about the whole challenge debacle, when Steph mentions that he said "y'all," meaning "Steph," which...really didn't need to be brought up, I don't think, but I suppose otherwise this tribal would've been fairly boring, so fasten your seatbelts, kiddies. James says it was not all about her, and proceeds to make it all about her, again bringing up her losing streak in her previous season. More was said and I...am not sure I followed all of it, but James shouted and Colby and Roger Sterling told him to chill while Jeff apparently forgot to blink. Jeff sends them off to vote. The only votes we see are Steph's and Amanda's, and they voted for each other. Jeff reads the votes: Steph, Amanda, Steph, Amanda, Steph, Amanda, Steph, Steph. After Steph's torch is snuffed, she turns around and tells "y'all" to not curse so much when they lose the next challenge. James tells her to keep her mouth shut, and surprisingly no one gets up and punches him in the face. Though Roger Sterling groans, "Come on." Inadequate! I demand beatings.

Next week: James loses what is left of his brain, but on the bright side, he can now be my personal mojito boy. Also, mud wrestling.

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Another fine recap. That part where it's like Rob's body started to reject his new kinder personality....that what was this whole 20 seasons has been leading up to. "Jeff, I just can't do it...I...I...*sob* respect the game too much." Either that or he's just in really, really bad shape from too many backyard Boston BBQs.

Another fine moment: Russell 's near absence from the entire show.

Cirie, obviously doing a whole lot more strategizing than the cameras were showing, since she's been gunning for Stephenie since last week.

And, mother of god, it's week two and they haven't figured out which one of them is good at puzzles? Do you think at any point they're going to realize that this might a skill they need?

I guess we'll have to wait for season 25: average vs. marginally smarter than average.
I'm gonna try pulling a Rob with my professors. "My body's rejecting the studying personality! I can't do it! I...I respect your exams too much!" I think it'll go over like a lead zeppelin.

I am enjoying Russell's irrelevance, too. And I love that he hasn't noticed it yet.

I'm sad we don't see more of Cirie. I'm sure she's being all kinds of awesome and we just don't get to see it.
Thanks for the update - sorry I had to miss it! Rob! Passed out - good times.
It's what I do. :) I'm just disappointed Rob didn't die.
Hooray! It's Thursday!