My roommate's on Skype with her boyfriend discussing him tattooing his penis, so I'm missing a lot of dialogue. I...yeah, I can't add to that.

Heroes, night 6. After tribal, the usual, "Man, that sucked," feeling pervades the camp. Roger Sterling is still upset with James being an asshole to Steph. JT feels bad about something (I guess he voted for Steph? I always forget) and apologizes to Roger Sterling. Colby doesn't want to be part of the game anymore, presumably because he hasn't started playing it yet.

Over at the Villains camp, Parvati and Russell are cuddling and giggling. Interesting sidenote: in night vision, Dragon Slayer has no pupils. Uncle Rob has a special message for any future kiddies on Survivor: if people sleep together, they're not going to vote each other off. And he would know.

Heroes camp, day 7. James rips a coconut apart with his hands. Yeah. Rupert expresses concern about the cohesiveness of the tribe. It looks like another chicken is about to be breakfast, if they can catch them, since they all seem to have escaped from the coop. Tribe chicken-wrangling brings them all together, notes Rupert. My roommate's trying to be an RA; maybe I should suggest this to her as a community building exercise. Now I can't get the image of chickens running through the dorm halls out of my head. Oh, this needs to happen.

At the Villains camp, Dragon Slayer is worried about Russell and Parvati. Russell says Parvati is a good "asset." Uh-huh. Dragon Slayer notes that everyone's fooled by her charm. Charm? I think he means boobs. Rob wanders over and asks what the deal is, warning Russell to be careful with his alliances. Dragon Slayer and Rob tell Russell he gets one chance before he loses their trust. Russell ignores them, still thinking he's in control of the tribe, bless his heart.

Russell tells Parvati what was said. Parvati is not surprised, because she, actually, has half a brain. Russell says something about voting her out, and she retorts that if she's out, he's out.

That night at the Villains camp, a discussion of health problems comes up. I can't tell who's talking because the closed captions are not synced. So somebody has sores on their face. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. Russell goes out in the forest and buries the machete. If the Villains have one brain between them, they'll know it's him, since he did things like this last season. Stay tuned. Russell proclaims faith in the Houston Astros, which is cute, because I'm from Houston, too, and the Astros winning anything is just about as plausible as Russell being the leader of the Villains tribe.

The next morning, Dragon Slayer does yoga and sings. He sings. I love this show. Noticing the machete is gone, Randy breaks open oysters with a rock. So much for the dramarama, Russell. Randy and Dragon Slayer discuss voting out...someone. Russell? Parvati? Why can't CBS shell out for synced captions?

Meanwhile, back on the Heroes ranch, Candice and JT are talking while JT watches Amanda bathe. Uh. JT is beginning to fear Candice, because she thinks, and this is scary. JT tells Cirie that Candice doesn't trust her, trying to stir up trouble. Oh boy, third grade. Cirie takes it to Candice, who immediately denies it. Candice asks around the camp trying to find out who said it. Mostly everyone responds with a simple, "Nope, no idea," but James gets personally offended over it and tells her to chill out for a second. Oh, STOP.

Immunity challenge! This is the one that's a pillow fight, but with mud. Their reward is luxury items, coffee, and...some other things. Tom knocks Russell down embarrassingly easily. Candice takes out Parvati after more of a struggle. Dragon Slayer karate chops Russell and Jeff says, "No," 60,281 times while Dragon Slayer celebrates. When Dragon Slayer finally realizes that no means no, he flips off Jeff and Jeff tells him to take it out on the pirate. Ha. Dragon Slayer fails and round two goes to Captain Brownbeard. Cirie knocks down Jerri. JT knocks down Knickers McGee. Amanda knocks down Danielle, and I definitely thought Danielle was Parvati. Again. Colby takes down Rob. James and Randy shit-talk a wee bit. James pushes Randy out with one push. Immunity and reward go to the Heroes. The Villains tell James he's on the wrong team. I could write a paper on how wrong it is to assume that physical power equals evil, but I do actually have a philosophy paper to write, so I'm going to preserve my carpal tunnels or whatever.

At the Villains camp, everyone is scrubbing off mud. Knickers McGee says something about the Heroes being on steroids, but luckily, by his standards, it's 1950 and he's a woman, so we don't have to listen. Randy notes that all the other men are hypnotized by Parvati's boobs and wants to vote her out. Yeah, I don't know how to tell you this, buddy, but you will always lose to boobs. Parvati asks Dragon Slayer if he's voting for her. He tells her no, and tells the camera yes. I think Rob just called Sandra "Amanda," but anyway, a couple people are on the beach deciding whether or not to vote out Parvati. Jerri wants to know how to bottle up Parvati's secret to being popular. It's not exactly bottled, but if that's the route you wish to take, I suggest you look up "silicone." Parvati calls Jerri "Fakey Faker McGee," saying her days are numbered. Dragon Slayer notes that no one out there is honourable. DUDE, you're on the VILLAINS team. It should not have taken you this long. He then adds that no one out there is honourable except him, and, well, there you go.

Tribal. Oooh it's the fire speech again. Fire = life, which is gonna be unfortunate when it starts raining on the tribal council with no roof. Jeff asks Sandra about relationships, and she responds that everyone's worried about friends on the Heroes team, particularly in the case of Parvati, who responds that her actions will have to speak for her, since no one's word means anything. Jeff asks Sandra if there's a leader. Sandra names Rob and Dragon Slayer. Dragon Slayer says he resents Sandra for only mentioning him. I definitely heard Rob's name. Courtney jumps in for a second in a futile attempt to be relevant. Sandra and Dragon Slayer bitch at each other at the same time and even the captions can't keep up. Sandra complains about the lack of machete; Russell is not even subtle in his glee, but no one notices. Except maybe Jeff, it's hard to tell. Everyone laughs about it, though. Voting: we only see Parvati's vote for Randy. And Jeff reads the votes: Randy, Rob, Randy, Randy, Randy, Randy, Randy. Another victory for boobs.

Next week: Dragon Slayer feels personally victimized by Regina George, and Rob proclaims Russell a "bonehead."