MAY 17, 2010 12:28PM

Survivor: King Arthur's Journey Has Finally Ended

Rate: 8 Flag

I'm still rather perturbed that I apparently have to pay to get network channels in the new apartment. Anyway.

After a recap of the season thus far and an interesting bit where they called Parvati a double threat because, as far as I can tell, she has two boobs, we see the final five at camp after tribal. Napoleon is pissed that he didn't know about Sandra's idol. Sandra points out that he never told her he had an idol, so why should she tell him? Sandra realizes Napoleon wants to control everyone, and she is having none of it. Napoleon then bitches at Parvati about Sandra's idol, because surely she had to have known about it. Napoleon tells Jerri and Colby that Parvati's next. Parvati is not having any of Napoleon's tantrum. Colby is enjoying the Villains drama because it takes the attention off him.

Treemail the next morning is a bag of what Colby calls puzzle pieces, but when Parvati reads the clue it sounds like it's probably dishes. Napoleon is now saying that Colby's the next to go. He says Sandra and Jerri didn't play the game at all so he'd win from the jury. Napoleon has obviously not been present for the entire game, and maybe he should've watched that recap at the beginning of this episode.

Immunity challenge: balancing dishes. Sandra's the first out at nine dishes stacked. Jerri's solution to wobbly dishes is to blow on them. Interesting. She's the next out, followed by Napoleon, which was that great cheer you may have heard at 9:47 AM this morning. Colby's out next, which was that, "NOOOOOOOO," you heard at 9:48. Parvati wins immunity, and Jerri comments that she avoided her own elimination again. I thought it was Colby's turn next? That's an ironclad strategy those Villains have.

Parvati seems set on voting out Colby. Colby is aware he's gone tonight, so he addresses the Villains, saying they shouldn't scramble today and he accepts it. Oh, Colby, the extent to which you delight me knows no ends. He interviews that he isn't quitting, though. He doesn't really have anything to say about how he's going to do that, though. There's like, 40 seconds of dead air, and then he says something about the time being right for...something...vague. And Colby commences scrambling anyway. So close, Colby. So close. Colby says they should get rid of Parvati tonight because she'll win the game if they keep her around. Napoleon thinks about it, and interviews that he should get rid of Sandra because it's strategically good to keep Colby. Napoleon says if Colby goes to the top three, his game is over. And yeah, basically.

Tribal. Dragon Slayer is dressing up as a prep today. Oh, I miss him. Jeff asks Colby how it feels to be the last Hero. He says it's difficult, and if he hadn't sucked so much at the challenges, he might have a shot at staying tonight. Colby says he's been scrambling, and Sandra looks concerned. Colby says no one wants to sit next to Parvati but everyone wants to sit next to Sandra. Really? Sandra's as shocked as I am. Am I the only one noticing how awesome Sandra's been this season? Okay then. Jeff notes that Colby's hope lies in the fact that the Villains can't trust each other. Votes: Colby, Sandra, Colby, Colby. Sad but not unexpected. Bye Colby I love youuu.

That night at camp, everyone's excited about being the final four. They note how angry Rupert looked on the jury. I'm not sure what else they were expecting. Parvati is surprised that Colby pointed her out as a threat at tribal. The next morning, Jerri and Napoleon are talking about how Parvati will win, but she shouldn't, because she hasn't been playing the game at all. My cat has this thing where he's in the middle of eating, but he literally forgets there's food right in front of him and starts begging for food again. I am beginning to think Napoleon also suffers from this kind of dementia.

Parvati arrives with treemail. I think it's the torch walk thing! They have a map to the ceremonial beach. I love the torch walk, you don't even know. Comments of note: Sugar thinks she was too nice to stay, Tyson thinks he won the game, Napoleon is so wrapped up in himself it's a wonder he doesn't trip on everything in his path, and Dragon Slayer used the word "myriad."

Final immunity challenge! It's a blindfolded maze. They have to pick up necklaces at four different posts. They all start off for the same post, running into each other and the walls and everything except the necklaces for a while. Sandra's the only one missing it, and she tries to take it off Parvati. Everyone except Sandra has two. Everyone keeps running into the stomach-height walls, which was a really poor move on the designers' part. It'd be like, neck height on me, so that'd be fun. Jerri and Parvati have three necklaces, closely followed by Napoleon. Sandra's still got two. Napoleon and Parvati both have four necklaces and are looking for the finish. Napoleon shoves Parvati quite a bit. Jerri gets her fourth necklace and joins the mad hunt for the finish. Everyone's neck and neck at the end (well, except Sandra) and Napoleon hits it first by a nose. I'm just going to sit here and not scream, "I TOLD YOU," to everyone who didn't vote him out.

Please tell me it's not thirty minutes of scrambling, please tell me it's not thirty minutes of scrambling. Jerri is certain that Parvati's going home. Sandra and Napoleon take a walk. Napoleon tells her she's in an interesting spot. Sandra says Parvati's in the same spot as she is. Sandra says Napoleon figures he can win against her and that she'll take the $100,000 gladly. She interviews that she's not sure he can win so easily against her. And honestly, if she doesn't get a single vote, the jury must be blind. Napoleon and Parvati talk about keeping Sandra. Parvati doesn't want to keep Sandra, but Napoleon tells her they should keep Jerri. Napoleon says he deserves to win because of how much he's suffered in this game. Well, I should win because I suffered through Napoleon for two consecutive seasons. Where's my check, Burnett?

Tribal. Jeff asks Jerri how much time is spent on scrambling. I'm gonna go wash dishes from breakfast or something. Sandra says the first thing she does is go to Napoleon because he has immunity. Sandra says Napoleon keeps telling her she can't win. Napoleon kind of ignores that comment and says alliances will break tonight. Parvati looks concerned. Napoleon gives the jury one of those long-suffering looks he's been giving them so often. Sweet beard of Zeus, I am so sick of him. Jerri says Parvati's a big threat. In other news, the Pope is Catholic. Parvati plays her case as a chance for redemption for Napoleon, but Napoleon thinks she hasn't done a single thing for him. Way to win over the jury, cupcake! Ride that wave. Votes: Parvati, Jerri, Jerri, Jerri. Interesting. Jeff reminds them the jury gets all the power tomorrow night. Dragon Slayer is ecstatic.

After tribal, Sandra says she can't wait to go home. She interviews about her husband in Afghanistan and not knowing he's okay. She says she wants to win another million to make their lives easier.

The next morning, feast! Napoleon is still under the impression that he's the only person playing the game. He tries to talk hypothetical jury situations with Parvati, and her response is mostly, "That's nice." While he takes a walk, Sandra and Parvati laugh at him and Sandra burns his hat. Sandra discusses his bald spot. Napoleon comes back to camp looking for his hat. All I can think of right now is that machete hiding in the sand somewhere. They burn the shelter and head off for the final tribal council.

Tribal. Jeff helpfully recaps the entire season. Sandra starts the opening statements. She reminds them that she's been keeping herself alive since her alliance was wiped out by Napoleon. Napoleon says what you'd expect him to say, complete with eyerolls from the jury. Parvati says she used Napoleon as her pet, calling him a "dragon," causing Dragon Slayer to emphatically shake his head no. Dragon Slayer is the only dragon. The only dragon! Guess who's not getting his vote.

Colby gets to address the final three first. He asks Napoleon if he really believes luck isn't a factor in the game. Napoleon confirms. Colby tells Napoleon he's delusional if he thinks there's no luck involved in the game at all. He then asks Parvati why she's more deserving than the other two. Parvati says she had to play harder than the other two. He doesn't say anything to Sandra.

Dragon Slayer tells Napoleon he is a "little man" and quotes Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, officially making him the favourite person in this apartment. Dragon Slayer says he wishes he was in Sandra's place and points out that Parvati turned on him. He says he has no idea who he's voting for yet but he'll be listening.

Amanda asks how Sandra's strategy was better than Napoleon and Parvati. Sandra says she wishes her strategy was better so she could've voted Napoleon out. She couldn't believe the Heroes didn't want him out. You and me both, Sandra. Napoleon asks if that strategy worked for her, because he isn't sure he's sitting there.

Courtney congratulates all three but especially the girls. She gives Sandra a chance to defend her underrated loyalty, which she does.

JT tells Napoleon that a good strategy is getting to the end and winning. Yes, dear. Napoleon thinks everyone respects his game. Shot of Rupert looking like he's going to rip out Napoleon's throat, Candice looking confused, and Dragon Slayer looking skeptical. Parvati says Sandra wasn't giving her all. Sandra denies it. She says she gave her all but she's not as physically strong as the others. JT basically says he's voting for Napoleon.

Danielle has some weird accent that I think she wants to be...no, I don't even know. Anyway, she asks Napoleon if he'd change anything about his game. He says no, and that he's not going to tell her what she wants to hear. Danielle says that nobody respects his game. Napoleon freezes and repeats himself. Danielle nods and says, "Okay. That's too bad."

Jerri says she's undecided. She begins with Napoleon and asks why he changed his mind about taking her to the final three. He says it was a bad strategic move to take her. Parvati and Sandra protest. Parvati tells Jerri that Napoleon said he knew 100% that he had Jerri's vote and that's why he voted her out. Jerri asks Parvati what they say about assuming. "Makes an ass out of 'u' and 'me,'" chirps Parvati. Jerri says Sandra's not as loyal as she says she is because Jerri was blindsided. Except that Sandra said she's loyal to people she's allied with, and she was never really allied with Jerri. Unless I missed something. Moving on.

Candice tells Napoleon his lies went too far and Parvati that she was like a spouse stuck in a bad relationship. And that's about it.

Rupert is breathing heavy. I am concerned. He starts with Napoleon. He says honesty is hard and deceit is easy, and that Napoleon took the easy way out. Rupert says he wishes he and Sandra had talked more and regrets his association with the "disgusting" Napoleon. He thanks Sandra for opening the door for the Heroes, even though they didn't take it. Rupert says Parvati deserves the vote as well as Sandra because she fought to be there, even though she aligned herself with someone so terrible Rupert can't bring himself to say anything about him. Bam. Parvati says she had no choice, which was really a bad move, but Rupert says she deserves to be in the final three as well.

The jury votes. Before writing down her vote, Jerri says, "This is insane. I'm walking up here going, 'Parvati, Sandra, Parvati, Sandra.'" She ends up voting for Parvati. Candice votes for Sandra, saying she's a true hero. Danielle votes for Parvati. Skeletor votes for Sandra, saying, "Fist bump, girl." Dragon Slayer votes for Parvati, calling her a warrior, and saying King Arthur's journey has ended. Oh, Dragon Slayer. Then the feed cuts out and I'll be back after I throw something at the wall. Rupert votes for Sandra, unsurprisingly.

Jeff gets the votes and walks off into the magical jungle that ends in New York. Remember when he would take waterskis and helicopters? I miss that. Anyway, Jeff reads the votes: Parvati, Sandra, Parvati, Sandra, Parvati, Sandra, Sandra, Sandra! Sandra wins, and there was much rejoicing, from everyone except Napoleon, who spent the entire time looking like a petulant child. But yay! I was just saying I wanted Sandra to win but I didn't think she would. Good show.

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I loved it. We kept waiting for the little prince to storm off in a rage over being denied again. What an ass he is, I feel sorry for his family too since he will bitch about being cheated for the rest of his life.
Awesome final recap for awesome season. There was much rejoicing in my apartment as well. Not a single vote for Russell!

Such a satisfying ending. Doesn't surprise me that Coach would vote for Pavarti. I always suspected he had a bit of a crush on her. He hated her SO MUCH, so soon in the game. It was the kind of incessant hatred of a guy that can't figure out why she's spending so much time with someone shorter and clearly not as graceful co-ordinated, philosophical and artfully tatooed as he. And that's where Pavarti really screwed up. If she wanted a pet dragon to take to the end, she should have gone with the real thing. And Candice's comment about how co-dependent that alliance was? Perfect.

But nothing, nothing pleased me more this season than Russell's complete CLUELESSNESS about the brilliant social game Sandra had played all season. She allied with everybody and nobody at the same time. She read the winds right every week. If I could fist bump her without looking a silly as Courtney did, I do that right now.

Hope she really enjoys that million dollars. She deserves it fully.
Will you post about the reunion? That would be AWESOME since there will be no more recaps for a while . . . :
These posts have been great and have become a regular part of my Survivor experience. I came home and searched it out. I hope you'll continue to live-blog. I've "favorited" you to keep track of what you're up to. R.
I think "Napoleon" got it more wrong than anyone in Survivor history. I am going to miss your comments. You have such a great sense of snark. Please fine a new show and let's start this again!
Bobbot - I just feel so sorry for his daughters. They deserve so much better.

Juliet - I guess Parvati assumed Dragon Slayer was already Jerri's pet? But Candice had it right about Parvati and Napoleon, that's for sure. I'll never understand why people love Napoleon. He's such a complete moron. Only fools think they know everything.

Mom - I couldn't watch most of the reunion. Every time Napoleon came on, I muted it.

Jeff - Thank you!

1_Irritated_Mother - If Napoleon wasn't so sure that he is the end-all be-all, he wouldn't be the stupidest, but here we are. Thank you!
hi, i've been following your blog though i'd forget to comment until after the long string of spam appeared and then it seemed kind of pointless (i mean who would scroll down viagra spam for my comment. i wouldn't.) BUT loved your blog and loved the season and the *only* disappointment from last night was napoleon winning the fan favorite but really, what do we expect in a country that voted bush not once but twice and is giving sarah palin her own tv show. i love saundra, i do, if i have one tiny whispered complaint it's that i do think sole survivor should be just a teensy bit (just a little) decent in challenges but hey, what do i know. of the three it was saundra no question and i love her sass to high heaven.
Whatever happened to sending the contestants off to that island by themselves to find an idol? They stopped that with this last season.

I'm glad Sandra won. It must be amazing to win a million dollars twice?! I'd say she has contributed to her household coffers!