Today, a woman from Los Angeles writes in all concerned about cellphone radiation—always a hot topic.

Dear Dr. Harleegirl,

I recently read a story about people catching radiation from their cellphones.  After I use mine for a while it gets very warm to the touch. Does this mean I am getting exposed to deadly radiation?

Zero Anti-radiation Procedure Phone Exposure Doubter

Dear Zapped,

There is one do-it-yourself way to tell if you have received excessive does of radiation from your cellphone.  First, connect your television to an old-fashioned antenna, or visit an average home in Iowa.  Turn to a television station that is not in use so you are just receiving static.  Stick your head very close to the screen.  If interference lines form on the screen you have probably received a pretty hefty dose of radiation. 

If you suspect your phone is the culprit (and why wouldn’t it be?), wait until your cellphone contract is up and switch to a provider with low-radiation phones.  In the meantime, alternate which ear you put the phone to.  Also, you may want to increase your intake of brewer’s yeast.  But don’t use bone meal.  You don’t want to add Mad Cow Disease to your list of exposures, do you?  As a precaution, you may want to wrap your phone in aluminum foil when you are not using it and then dispose of the foil periodically at a low-level radiation recycling center near you.

Lurve,

Hgurl, Accredited Online Advice Columnist

P.S.  Actually, Zapped, I’m not a doctor…but Dr. Harleegirl does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?