Conservative Republicans have been watching a bit of baseball lately and they don’t like what they are seeing. I don’t just mean that the Texas Rangers are getting their butts kicked by some misfits from Lotusland, I mean the game itself.
Taking a cue from Mitch McConnell and the Repubs, we’re seeing calls for substantial reforms to create market-based baseball:
No umps: The market will correct itself. Deregulation will allow the game to be a game again so the best team on the field can simply dominate.
More $$, more players: What’s this about an established roster? Heck, if the Yankees want more players, they should be able to buy and beef up that lineup. It’s un-American that the rich should have to restrain to their purchasing power to create a “level playing field.”
No foreign labor: Hello, has anyone noticed that this game has been taken over by foreigners from our porous southern borders? Where is that wall when we need it? High-paying jobs are being taken from deserving players born in Stockton and Omaha and these usurpers don’t even bother to learn the language!
Dugout betting: Everyone knows that people work harder when they have a little skin in the game. Pete Rose had it right. Let’s incentivize these guys!
Let the market determine the strike zone: Thrown 14 balls in a row? No problem! Jackbooted Bureaucrats have been determining the size of the strike zone in a manner that kills the incentive to be creative, bores catchers, and kills jobs. Let the market determine the strike zone.
Don’t Like the Odds? Refuse to play! The 1904 Giants under John McGraw did it. He didn’t like the head of the American league, so he just said no—to the World Series! Take that Obama!
Losing? Buy the franchise! Say you are the Yankees or the Rangers. You are losing bad and your prospects for the future are cloudy. Just buy the whole opposing franchise. Break up the team, sell the assets, keep the cream of the crop and close ‘er down. Or offshore the whole shebang to China!
Just a few thoughts from the frontier of market-based living. Coming soon to a country near you.
Hgurl, Accredited Online Sports Commentator