You, dear reader, have been clamoring to know where I was, well…
I have read your blog religiously for a while now. Your work is refreshingly simple, without pretense, free of self-congratulatory noise that afflicts so many in the avant-memoire camp. Animals writing is so now. That is why I had to contact you from vacation place in Kazakhstan to invite you to write for my new pub group HuffPAOL.
The pay is rather low at the outset. In fact, for the first 24 months, you pay me while we build your audience on my new interactive news-email megatronic Internet machine. For the low monthly fee of $159.99, I can put your work on a server that actually loads. And if it’s a dogcentric readership you seek, HarleyGirl, my built-in audience is crazy over dogs. In fact, in the early rounds of test marketing, our Darn Dog™ series tested better than Bristol Palin!
So, after two years or so, we’ll pay you, based on the size of your clickbase, and big, big, bucks will be yours, HarleyGirl. Who else has joined on, you ask? Big, big, names, HarleyGirl. Like Ashton Karcher, Chutney Spears and Dave Aggers. Don’t you think HarleyGirl would look perfect next to those names.
Oh, there is a slight technology start-up fees to load your jpeg, just $999. So please sign the lifetime contract enclosed, start the automatic bank feed, give us your mother’s maiden name, and we’re in business. I’m just thrilled to add you to our pack of writers, HarleyGirl, I really am!
Well, dear reader, you can see what a wonderful offer this is, offering my work on a server that actually loads, for only $999 and $159.99 a month. I have been faithfully submitting my work, including my series of behind-the-scenes dirt on Grooming With the Stars, only to find that my work has not actually appeared in online print. Instead, all I see at HuffPAOL is aggregator after aggregator—Dog Grooming with Kate Middleton, Bikini Mending with Pippi, but nothing from DogBlog. I got so bummed I slunk back here, but only until I can find a good online attorney…
Hgurl, HuffPAOL Writer for Life