March 29
Over the years I've discovered that inspiration is very much like being struck by lightning. The wonderful thing ... is that it strikes again, and again, and again.


JULY 20, 2009 1:40PM

Hollywood Tits

Rate: 17 Flag

Hollywood Tits

Having just returned from picking her up at the airport

No.  I really don’t want to see them.  I don’t even really want you here again. I agreed to this because I’m either lonely or losing my mind.  Probably a bit of both! 

You’re going to show them to me anyway aren’t you?   No big whup there.  I can see that they are higher than they were the last time I saw you.  You think this will make a difference. If it did, you probably would have seen me a hell of a lot sooner than this.  

This doesn’t work for me.  I don’t want this.  We have had these conversations, but you only hear what the fuck you want to hear.  I can’t freakin believe that you actually want to play these games with me.

‘Can’t you just tell me what you know I want hear,’ you said to me.  ‘If you know that’s what I want, can’t you just make me feel better.’  I couldn’t believe this.   How in the hell…  why would any woman want me to tell them that I loved them if they knew good-and-damn-well that it wasn’t true? 

That didn’t seem to make a difference to you though, did it?  You are so thoroughly convinced that you are in love with me… that you won’t let it go.

I do not love you.  We were doing that wild thang called ‘dating.’  We had sex.  It wasn’t love.  I know for a fact that I have never told you anything that would make you believe differently.   Shit.  

You know… this probably is my fault.  We went places… we took a few trips together.  I spent money on us… so you figure that we are an item, right.  NO!!   That’s just what I do.  I like to go out, I like to go places, and I like having someone to share those experiences with. 

The Napa Valley trip was a very nice thing that I have done with good friends for years.  Some of us get together each year and meet in California for a really nice week.   It’s carefully planned and typically attended by several couples.   I haven’t been a couple since my divorce… so I bring a guest.  I brought you.  You weren’t the first guest.  You won’t be the last.  But you were the first one that I really regretted bringing and that’s for sure.    Do we need a playback of some of the highlights of your performances?

Why do you think I have not called you since we returned?   Why do you accuse me of not sounding like I am really happy to hear from you when you call me?  Because I’m not!   

It’s not in me to be verbally aggressive and harsh if I don’t have to be.  I’d hoped that we could simply be friends and let it go at that.   Why, oh why, can’t you take a fucking hint?      

I don’t want to hurt your feelings.  I really don’t. But you absolutely overwhelm me with the intensity of your neediness.  You come on so strong, and so desperate, that I find myself running away inside.  

We have only been together … what?   Five times?  Every time I am always happy to see you for the first few hours.  After that I am ready for you to leave.  I can’t tell you that of course, because since you are coming in from out of state, you have almost always negotiated plans to stay here with me for an extended weekend or a week or something.   I try … but this just doesn’t work.

You know how to play those guilt strings too... don't you? 

My problem is that I really have made little effort to find someone here in Florida on an ongoing basis.   So after a while it begins to feel like seeing you, if even for a short time, would be better than spending more time alone.  So what do I do?  I agree to let you fly in again… and I regret it every time.   Every… single… time.  

Now you seem to think that your new surgically augmented tits are going to make a major difference.   Babe… your tits were never the problem.  It’s your head!   I’m sure they are very nice.  You looked great coming through the arrivals gate… you always look great.   But how could you honestly believe that they are going to make a real difference here.  Ya just don’t listen. I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.     

“Sure… let’s see them hon” I said, in reply to her question.


Eleven years later...hurrying down the hall of the South Wing

I really did listen to you.  You were always so concerned about breast density and your family history with breast cancer.  I even remember that little scare that you had after you had your tits lifted while I was still in Florida.  It turned out to be nothing.  You were all right.  Where the hell did this come from? 

You don’t even smoke!  You once said that you used to be a smoker for a short time as a teenager but we know how long ago that was.   I’d like to turn you over my knee for doing something so stupid… but you did quit.  We’ve known each other now for almost twenty years and I’ve never seen you smoke anything.  Not once.  So where did lung cancer come from?

It spread so damn quickly baby.  One day you are telling me about the diagnosis… and within months you’re telling me that the cancer is too close to the trachea and that they don’t think you can tolerate a surgical solution.  I keep hearing you say that word… a surgical solution.  That’s not your way of speaking so I know that’s what you heard from the doctor…  “a surgical solution.” 

Well they need to find a fuckin’ solution…. I don’t want to lose you.

I read up on that “brackets” therapy that you are dealing with now.  It’s actually “brachytherapy.”  They are putting small radioactive pellets directly into the tumors or into a nearby airway.   This is apparently the solution that they said you are not responding to.   Baby. 

Ohmigod!  You look terrible.  You’ve lost so much weight.  It’s your face… you look so drawn and pale.  My God.  Oh my freakin God.  

With all of the weight that you’ve lost… the Hollywood tits are still alive and well I see.   You were so proud of them.  I know they had nothing to do with your illness, but they were never what I wanted.  It was you.  You made me so damn crazy, but…  damn baby.  

I’ve gotta smile.  You don’t need to see me falling apart while you are here lying in a hospital bed in their cancer clinic.  I have to be strong and if I’ve never given you the words that you needed to hear… maybe I can find them now.  I know damn well that this is no performance.  I know this is real. 

I’m so sorry I never loved you like you wanted me to.   I was a stubborn asshole. I was waiting for something magical, something like I had with my marriage.  I knew that I loved her… without any reservations.  Baby you suffered from the comparison and it was a comparison that simply wasn’t fair to you.  It wouldn’t have been fair to anyone.  Frankly… I lost track of what was fact and what was fantasy in my marriage ages ago.  You simply could not compete with the fantasy.

But you never stopped trying. 

And now… here we are. There you are.  Smile for the lady you asshole.   See if you can get it right today at least.  I don’t think she has much time left. 

“Hi baby…” I said, as I entered the hospital room.  “These are for you.”             

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I had to scroll down to the tags after reading the first part. Breathed a sigh of relief when I saw "fiction" as I had a bad feeling about this one.

Which goes to show, that was good dialogue and a nice bit of duplicitous writing. :-D
Duplicitous indeed! I was prepared to reply with malebean outrage, but this was so bittersweet and touching. Rated.
That was a good read...so glad it was fiction!
Shit shit shit. Please put F I C T I O N in big letters across the top next time you do something like this. On the other hand, damn fine writing.
Bill S. … “duplicitous writing” …. Is that a good thing? Thanks for commenting.

Zuma … “duplicitous writing” … Is that a good thing? Particularly in light of the fact that I could not find “malebean” in the dictionary!!! Nevertheless… comments from you are always appreciated. Even the ones that I can’t understand. (Who’s ya buddy?)

Cruelwench … Thank you and welcome to my blog.

Gebee … I didn’t really mean to upset folks… not really. Thank you much.

Cap’n … hey guy… thank you. Greatly appreciated.
Yes. Means ya fooled me.

I like this Wish to shit I could write like you. cy
You wring my emotions until they are limp and then I see "fiction". I am relieved and then I want to say, "You bastard, making me feel so sorry for you and her."
How cunning of you!
You said it was fiction but the ending has to have been written by someone who really cares. You are a talented man, Harp.
Bill S. … OK, perhaps I will admit to just a little duplicity, if it helps inspire some genuine emotion in the story, I’m not above a bit of gamesmanship. Just a bit. (Grin)

Cyclopoic … Hey buddy how are you? Now… cut the BS. I don’t recall exact instances, but I do remember how well you write. I look forward to more.

Life Is Good … Hey lady. I think I’ve been called more names with this single post, than all of my others combined. Fortunately the names all have a measure of affection in them. Thank you.
Wow! This is a really great piece of storytelling! You drew me in, like you did everyone else, and like them, I'm also relieved it's fiction.

Very, very nice.
A damn fine hook. I was thinking, "send her a copy so she'll get the message!" Then the twist, the turn, the tags. RATED.
Damn, man - you have got one helluva voice! This story, is so well told - I'm glad it's fiction, but clearly, you are a man who writes from the heart, and however you came by the experience to put this so strikingly, well, let's just say you put it to really good use in this piece.
Sexy Siren, Sweet Charity, Amorous Aphra, Poet Scupper and Lovely Owl … Thank you all so much.

I will admit that there is a line that I draw in almost all of my fiction to determine whether it will be Fiction or yet another Harpisode. It’s easy with the Harpisodes, because they are written from my best recollection. My fiction, however, will almost always start out with some element of fact, before I allow my imagination to play. There are tidbits of reality in this story, but they are scattered. The story is fictional, but I blatantly plagiarized my memories and feeling about some real circumstances to create something that would ring true. Such a thing may usually begin when I realize that the truth is a wound too tender for the Internet. Otherwise… it’s just a desire and a need to write something I can be proud of. Thanks again.
If this is going back to your original style, I love it. Rated
B-L-O-W-N away.
God, but you are good Harp.
I can't rate this enough.
This was fiction. WOW, this had me like everyone else. You are an amazing writer sir. I like your versatility!
Athena… I did pick up some things that I think I had gotten away from ... so yes, I’m recovering what I think I had lost. Glad you like it.

Mission… Thank you. I really appreciate that and welcome to my blog.

Buffy… Hey lady, and thank you. I am having fun.