I am looking forward to seeing the new George Clooney movie, Up in the Air, because I suspect that in many ways I will be watching a videography of my own life...  or at least a substantial part of it.  A moviefone synopsis describes the plot in broad, bland terms.  Big George plays a human resources administrator “whose life up in the friendly skies becomes his only world as he works to reach his one-millionth frequent flyer mile. Jason Bateman and Vera Farmiga costar….”  

The movie will likely be entertaining, but I guarantee that it will fall far short of the reality of the global frequent flyer.  It has to.  How do you adequately convey the discomfort of literally flying around the world … in coach?  How do you explain the aromas of the toilet areas after an all night flight to Mumbai?  Or the adventures of the return trip from Sydney after the original flight was cancelled and the next available flight on a jumbo jet is completely full and the interior seats in the center section are so packed that you cannot move for hours?  How do you describe the leg cramps, or the unbelievably obese passenger who apologizes profusely throughout the trip because he simply cannot help leaning on you?    

Surely the movie will include the wonderful imagery of lightning strikes, teeth rattling turbulence, or rapid altitude drops… but I guarantee you that it will not be able to convey the shock of realizing that in minutes… you may very well be listening to the ear splitting howl of a shattered plane as it begins a final, uncontrolled plummet from the skies … carrying you (and the bawling infant in the seat behind you) to your death.   How can it?  Did you actually feel how cold that water was in Titanic?  As superb as Cameron’s work was, the reality of the experience was unattainable. 

Since 1991, my life has been my home computer, airport terminals, hotel rooms, and customer audiences of all sizes and nationalities.  My business is sales. My company provides training to organizations and individuals covering a wide variety of sales related topics.  For years I described my life in terms of pre-9/11 and post-9/11.   Prior to the World Trade Center attack, I enjoyed the benefits of non-stop flights, meals served on the plane, good meals served in Business Class or First Class, and friendly airport officials.  As brutal as frequent flying was before 9/11, the airlines worked hard to make it as comfortable as possible… and their frequent travelers were treated like royalty.  

That all went to hell after 9/11. 

Rather than allow planes to carry the fuel needed to fly from coast to coast, the airlines immediately instituted shorter flights, and more connections. Nowadays, it takes you all day just to fly a few states over, because you almost have to make a connection someplace and change planes.   And that doesn’t include the amount of time it still takes to get through security. 

I must admit, that I have the security drill down to a science now.  I have my fluids and gels in a small separate clear plastic bag.  I only wear loafers that I can slip off and on quickly and easily, I have my laptop easily accessible so it can be placed in its own bin.  I have my spare change and cell phone, secured before I even get to security, and I know better than to wear big belt buckles, scissors, or anything that will cause the unsmiling security authorities to isolate me from the other travelers while I assume the position with my hands in the air.

I struggled not to make a face when I found myself behind the elderly grandparents, thoroughly unaccustomed to air travel, completely befuddled by the new rules of the airport these days.   They had gifts for the grandchildren that were carefully wrapped and too fragile to be checked.   The agent was very unhappy with what he saw on the x-ray scanner… and the line had stopped moving.  The efficiency with which we have been forced to move through airport security has become a badge of achievement… so I frowned at these poor people who are now airline victims... just like me.    

Then, in December of 2008, the recession caused two of my company’s large and untouchable corporate customers to default on their commitment to our small sales consulting firm.   You would immediately recognize the names of these companies if I told you their names, so I will not put them out there.   Immediately, our income stream buckled and things got ugly.  We had no idea how close to the edge we were.  In February, we stopped paying salaries and resorted to full commission. For the rest of the year, we beat our heads against the wall, working in vain to convince customers old and new… to invest in developing their sales people, so that they could sell their way through this recession. Nothing worked.  We fell back on using the time for new product development and finding new business strategies. This is also when I discovered the Open Salon and acutally had time to write to my blog. 

Now… almost exactly one year later, the damn has burst and customers have come back to us.  I’ve just returned from what promises to be the first of several, multi-day consulting engagements, and there appear to be more engagements with other customers after this.  Has word that the recession ended been circulating recently?  Perhaps I missed the memo, but after almost exactly one year of comatose corporations, suddenly our clients seem to have awakened.  

And the air travel begins anew.  I’ve discovered how out of shape I am.  When I arrived at my destination early this past week, I was sore in places that I simply did not remember.   In addition, they seem to have fitted the main cabin seats with much shorter seatbelts since my last flight.  I was just barely able to fasten the damn thing “low and tight around my waist.”  Many of the frequent flyer privileges I had enjoyed for so long have been rescinded by airlines with short term memories. The Black Card that previously proved that I was King Shit in the crowd is no longer valid, and I now have a Gold Card.   My Gold Card status caused them to at least try to accelerate my upgrade status on this last trip, although I am told that I will be bounced all the way back to Silver in February 2010.  That means no automatic upgrades to Business Class or First Class; the standby list will once again mean “lotsa luck Bub”; I’ll have to pay to make itinerary changes during my trip; and my life as an airline victim will resume in all of its full, post-9/11 glory.

When you go see the new George Clooney movie, I surely hope you enjoy it.  But if you happen to see a grown man sobbing at completely inappropriate times… look closely.  It might just be me.