A Fall Piece inspired by Padgett Powell's The Interrogative Mood

Are you okay with pine sap in your seat?  Will you get after the blobs of it on the deck rail with a screwdriver? How do you feel about those who welcome fall with the art of carving vomiting pumpkins?  Would you prefer they stick to leaving the insides in and the face of Frank Zappa? Are you comfortable with spiderwebs between your shrubs? How about the occasional daddy-long-legs in the shower? Do you  jump in the pile of leaves before they go in the compost? What do you do about the rat, weak with poison, dying a slow death in the corner of your garage? Would you put up an owl house to keep from running into this situation again?  If you came up on a snapping turtle making its way across a road in Maine, would you move it, saving it from possible death-by-semi, or let it follow its natural life path and take its chances? 

Have you ever wanted to construct your own pine needle basket? Would you purchase one to help a crafter keep sushi in his stomach and a dry roof over his or her head? Do you know you wrote: "All I want is a room somewhere/far away from the cold night air/with one enormous chair/oh wouldn't it be loverly"? Do you care? Are you a fan of one or two jumbo marshmellows in your cocoa? On a cold morning, do you need a cup of coffee to wake up enough to make coffee? When was the last time you wanted to lie down outside long enough to melt snow? What is your opinion of a person who calls a taxi to get to work because she can't get her driveway plowed before noon? If you saw a dead moose on a road not far from your house, would you run back home and get your camera to photograph her? 

Do you feel warm when you hear the cooing of a dove?  Do you think doves are dumb because they try to perch on feeders too delicate to hold them? Do you feel sorry for them when you see this? Do you spend double the money on syrup for real maple flavor, or can you get by on artificial? If you find a snail on your night-blooming cereus flower that only blooms for a few hours at night, do you gently pick it off and place it in your neighbor's yard, or do you hurl it as hard as you can toward a hard surface?  Do you ever sing while scraping frost from your windshield? Do you relish unexpected donuts at the office or does this event mess with your diet mind?  Do you ever bake from scratch? If you had a choice between mango tart and lemon Bavarian cream, which would it be?  What color is not present in autumn?  Pick one: 1950s aqua or violet?  Will you ever write a letter on paper again?  Ever have an occasion worth a 5-dollar greeting card with hand-applied doodads?

Do you know a mother cat will dig up her dead buried kitten if there is no brick on top of the grave? Have you read any poems you can understand that were not intended for children? Do you poke holes in fruit?  Ever skip a day of brushing your teeth and don't care a wit? If you hit and wounded a smallish animal in the middle of the road at night, would you stop and assess the injury?   Would you be able to put it out of its misery if need be, or arrange for this to be done by someone close by?  Do you know that nail polishes have names like "Flagstaff Fries To Go"? How long has the longest bath you've ever taken lasted and why? Have you ever thought about being a fabric designer?  A web-press operator? Why not? What is your stance on dropping balled-up Wonder bread in steaming soup instead of dumpling batter? Have you ever made your own outdoor grill by cutting in half a large rusted, metal can? Have you ever made your own anything?

I've gotta go now.  Is that okay with you? May I come back again?  Should I call first?