As I ponder the world today, I think of all the insanity I see.  From a million homeless children in America to billions of lives lived in hopeless de facto serfdom to even seeing this displayed here at OS:

These are two obvious scams that we see, shrug and pass by without a thought  - just like a man robbed and thrown into a ditch.  A sign of the times - still.

In Rashomon, Kurosawa said the human ego was the greatest threat to mankind.  I agree.  This is not to be confused with a healthy sense of self-worth or feeling good about yourself, but the false ego.  I know I am not the first to write about this, it is an age old dilemma: we need God's approval (i.e. love) above all else.

By far, my worst trait is my egotism.  It rages out of control, destroying the things I love.  And Kurosawa was right: there's no living with it, it's either the egotism or us on this planet.  I myself am in a life and death struggle to let go of mine.  You see, in life, it's the one who lets go the most who wins in the end.

We all secretly hate our fake ego (just like we do capitalism), but Jesus wasn't joking when he said we'd be made strong through our weakness.  Meaning, the bigger asshole you are *cough* the more you let go, letting trust in.  I struggle mightily with this, and though I've had victories in battles, in the war, not so much.

The two biggest crimes in life are these: doing what you want, and not doing what you want.  You want your Wall Street bonus, you want to feel good about yourself.  To have both, you tell a story that makes you look good (the Rashomon effect). We hear the tales every day from the clowns as they clearly struggle with their self-deceptions, hoping it means something.  It's funny outside the tragedy ("I'm robbing you for your own good!")

The human carnage of money is obvious, but it's in love where Rashomon is most dangerous.  I can use myself as an example.  In real life, my life is a charade, a pretense that all is well - you know, so I can have love and acceptance all that bullshit.  I cling to that even though I detail my many crimes and pains here.  I cling to that beyond all reason -  even when a person sends me a very special note not to worry. I talk of those possessed by the idea of money, seems I'm possessed with keeping up this front.  Madness!

So when offered a priceless flower from God, I refused.  "Is not my life fine already?  Are you saying I'm deficient?  What will its caretaking reveal about me?" And on go the voices of our lesser angels.  Funny, the greater the flower, the greater to struggle to accept it.  I thought all us greedy, selfish humans were always supposed to take the best.  But like I said, sometimes not doing what you want is the biggest crime.

The flower I broke has changed my life, forcing me to face myself.  I'm opening up in ways never before, like Scrooge on Christmas morn. "Redemption", "rebirth" - those words mean something to me now (but miles to go before I sleep - if ever).  I pity the rich, the powerful, the petty.  Bless your enemies and pray for them.  There's something real out there in life.  That's supposed to be good news...