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JANUARY 2, 2013 12:43AM

Anarchist Cookbook Roadshow

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"The future's uncertain and the end is always near."

It was another lost, black, nightmare weekend, battling the demons of the day and the wispy dreams of night that vanish like midnight elves if ever attempted to remember, moments never to be shared. The storm cleared - God knows why - late Sunday and I went to inspect the house from when I slipped into my stupor. My house is large and sits on the side of a hill. In the upper rooms a radio was playing I never turned off. When the demons hit life stops dead.

Down in the lower back part of the house the door was wide open much to my horror. Outside were thug boyz in mascara, taking their cues from the news of the day. Finding my door unlocked and unattended gave them free reign to make themselves at home in their angry minds. I screamed at them telling them they had no business in my house but the leader screamed back, incensed at my gall in questioning him. I slammed and locked my door shut deciding to clean up the litter they left later.

Is that what life is truly about, exploiting any weakness you can find?

Then the doorbell rings and it's Cindy Sasquatch, tall large and overbearing, storming through my front door followed by her blind entourage of militant mutants. "Oh no, this will never do," she presumes, looking up and down my entranceway. "Start ripping this out, I don't like it at all!" I exploded at this new invasion. "I don't give a fuck what you like! Get the fuck out of my house!" Sasquatch squealed like a stuck pig. "He's being mean to me and I'm only trying to help!"

That set off the militant mutants who lived their lives for moments of mad executions and other witch burnings, always waiting for the New Witch of the day. They tackled me and held me down, acid spit dripping from their fangs as it stung my helpless skin scarring me. "Goddam you! This is outrageous! You're over the top! You're out of control!" But the mutants only knew - and wished only to know - what the Sasquatch wished them to believe.

The Sasquatch monster rampaged throughout my house making judgements and snide remarks. "Oh, you drink that kind of tea? I never drink that! You need to drink what I do. I've got The Answer!" The beast - like all beasts - believed in the triumph of the will despite the fact of it never having triumphed. Bend reality to your will! Suffer no doubt! Rule with an iron heart that cannot be hurt. The creature threw me out and seized my home, saw no reason not to and pled its case as savior to all it met. I was roundly booed for denying a beast who only "came to help."

Shattered by the deranged acts I staggered down the street. Most every house had a beast at the door pounding to get in, clutching onto an Answer for all problems as these vampires demanded the lives of those inside. Who can stop them? They used to wear swastikas but now wear the suits of a businessman's tailor. Creeps put other creeps in power to annoint them with the declared righteousness of the world. Setting themselves up as Communist Capitalists they proclaimed to be the best of both worlds. "When we have losses then all should support us, when we have profits it's every man for himself to pull his own weight!"

Bold were these demons knowing this was their day - and time was short. Collars and chains required for every human who dare breathe! "There are no beasts, there is no evil. There is only love," preached the priests of numbing pain. Children rejoiced in their cool, new collars. "The corporation sasquatches are going to save us!" The responsibly irresponsible crowed of a New Dawn of Enlightenment, pouring kool-aid into the public water. "Don't be betrayed by your heart! We are the clever ones who can be communist and capitalist both, greedy yet sharing we are!"

Fearing to be pinned with donkey tails, many of the newly homeless like I was applauded the Communist Capitalists and their creepy ways. The Sasquatches love this like nothing else, calling the applauders with loving approval onto the front porch. There they hugged these good little children - children who looked back at my refusal with an angry eye. "Moron! See? We get all the love! Get with the program!" Then the sasquatches would laugh and beat them like useful idiot baby seals. "I always wanted to be useful," murmured one seal before death.

Confusing billboards popped up as I wandered in search of shelter. "Only the evil or righteous are angry!" "Shoot the shooters and praise them!" "You can only make a difference when you can't!" Unloved, I sat as the fool on the hill, the world burning and turning around me.

In my mind I saw the distant lands, visions understood only when chosen to be seen, never conveyed. I hear the silent screams in the wind begging to be loved. I see bullets in their chambers praying for release. I smell the stench of decaying marriage infecting families. I taste the acrid air vowed to be clean by those with foul breath. I feel the sun upon my face, waiting for the day it cleanses the earth. It's only us here.

"People talk about "responsible greed", "regulated greed". It's absurd! Greed's a sin like any other no matter how we may paint it. It's like saying "responsible murder", "regulated murder"  - as if that were something we could live with. You can't. It's an either/or situation. Choose greed or choose life, it's that simple."
Philip Cronkite on Bill Maher Show

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It's funny how we put on suits to assume respectability but those who do do the most damage to the world.
"Greedy yet sharing" - now that's an interesting concept. Kind of like "peace through strength." Or Catdog. But without the corporation sasquatches and responsible greed, life as we know it would grind to a halt!
Life as we know will most certainly grind to a halt! We'll move beyond our belief in corporations just as we moved beyond believing in witches.
Have you ever considered wearing 'elevator' shoes to increase your height as a small saturated, er, statured hobbit, thereby increasing your poor self esteem and improving your outlook on the wurld?...come on, drink some drain cleaner and give us a rest from your tiresome moralizing, but find a decent forever home for your tuxedo feline first...wink and a nudge in your tiny malformed are beyond ridigulous....huffy hug
You know, CA, I read that phony post of yours. What a dirty little liar you are! Trying to come off as an honest broker with false confessions. My, my! People don't have sadistic tendencies, only losers and liars do.
Re-watching Bowling for Columbine; now I remember why the name of that cookbook rang a bell.