Sarcasm Alley

In the Land of Milk and Honey when you die they think it's funny

cheshyre grin

cheshyre grin
Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come
January 01
The One True
An ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own.
Quit your snooping, bitch.


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JANUARY 20, 2013 3:55AM

Sunday Morning Sniping Fun

Rate: 5 Flag

"You people really think there's any living with you? Really?? You cannot possibly think that! You're out of control without any sense of reality. Worst part is you think you can lie your way out of it. Make people think what you want to think. I'm here to set the record straight!"

High in the ivory tower he could see for miles - much more than his mortal, myopic friends on the ground. He focused the targeting laser light on a stroller beside a mother talking obliviously on her cell.

"You know, you look like an undecided voter. You're too fucking stupid to live! I can't let that kid grow up in a household like yours!"

With the flick of a finger terror reigned from the sky and the stroller exploded. The former mother screamed in bone filled agony.

"Ha! Not so goddam oblivious now, are you? Pay attention next time and maybe bad shit won't happen to you. Oh, look at her and her self-pity. 'Why did it have to be my baby? Why did this happen to me?' Quit your bitchin', lady! Get over yourself. Grow the fuck up!

"Who else is wandering around that's a threat to me the people? Oh look, an actual tree hugger! Asshole! There's no political profit in saving trees. People need jobs, not a bunch of stupid plants. Time to compromise. Prepare to meet your Maker!"

Both the tree hugger and the six hundred year old oak he hugged went up in flames as once again terror from the sky struck in precision doom.

"You people think I'm just going to stand here and let goddam radicals criticize me when they've got no idea what they're doing! I've got the power! I've got the right! You bitches going down, not me, you professional know-it-alls! HAHAHA!

Peace through blood. Duh!

"Oh hell, look at redneck Jesus there with both him and his kid dressed in camouflage. Let's see how he likes it when I point a laser beam on junior's head. Oh boy, this is going to be funny!

"Yessss! Zap! Incinerated! Look at daddy dum-dum drawing his gun. That ain't gonna save ya, moron! Who ya gonna shoot there, Dirty Fairy? Think you're a real bad-ass with your gods and guns, don't ya? Might makes me right and you da bitch!

"Now let's see...who else in need of dying? Who do I see that disagree? Oh, perfect! Look at that! An oil pipeline protest! I'll blow the black Jesus out of them! I'll blow those cardboard sign across three counties. Time to recycle!

"Aw, look at them poor baby protesters running and screaming. Not so sure of your convictions now, are you? Get a job, you white pussies! You really think you know what's best? You really think you have my pragmatism? Get a grip. If you were right I wouldn't be able to blow you up. Think about that!

"Whoa, look at that. Some old couple is giving that banker an earful! He must have gambled away their savings without their consent. Gawd, that's hawt! What's the matter, Pops? Hate working as night watchman in your "golden years"? Whatever in the hell made you so goddam important? Who the fuck you think you are to tell off anybody?

Would you take your top off if you knew it would save lives?

"Boom! Bye-bye, old fuckers. Probably did them a favor anyway. I should get a peace prize for that! We're nothing without the banks. They are the only people that count. They give us our way of life! Just cuz you got shafted don't ruin it for the rest of us. This whole damn country would go right to hell if I let these banker haters have their way. Free thinking anarchists!

"Whew, what a morning! I'm must be the hardest working man in the assassination business! Gonna sass a nation with my assassinations! Hot diggety, it sure is fun being pragmatic. I kill without question, I'm a patriot! Dear God, bet You wish You were me! You just sit on Your ass. I'm doing real work! Death to non-believers! Death to infidels! Time to go out and greet my gratefully adoring public."

As the assassin stepped out of his ivory tower, the usual conversation could be heard.

"You sick son-of-a-bitch! You out of your ever-lovin' mind? What sort of worm of a lie lives in your head that makes you get away with killing like that?"

"He's a psychopath! He thinks only he knows what he's doing!"

"He'll get us all killed! He's out of control!"

Got another one! Giggle!

A fearmongering whore begged in dissent. "You idiots! Stop spreading fear. Those were drone strikes. That's what makes us safe!"

A parrot of power mindlessly repeated the same old mantra. "He's got super secret knowledgeables what make sure he a-kill people what a-derservin uv it!"

"Don't make no matter if it wrong or right! This is OUR country! Gotta trust them people we put above us or we look like a buncha morons!"

Even Dirty Fairy applauded and lauded. "I've got another kid at home! Please kill her too. I'm a super patriot! All's fair in war! Yeeehaw!"

Then policeman, made perfect by removal of their eyes, arrived to beat the assassin's protestors to death in order to preserve the greater evil. The assassin laughed. "I'm untouchable! If you want to be a hero then just follow me!"


Hey kids, be the first on your block to get the new third person shooter game "Drones Away!" Where you can make your own Kill List! Kill for reasons only you know about! Practice looking serious while your hands remain blood free! Now everyone can be President!"


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It's all about power. It's only about power.
When in doubt drone them into oblivion and then water board the survivors into confessing their sins!
Lefty, it's the same old story, just with new people.

Amy, with the willful ignorance out there these days they may not even have to try and cover their tracks.