Sarcasm Alley

In the Land of Milk and Honey when you die they think it's funny

cheshyre grin

cheshyre grin
Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come
January 01
The One True
An ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own.
Quit your snooping, bitch.


Cheshyre grin's Links

OS Interview
Goupil, The Assassin
OS Meta Movies
Oda Nobunaga
The Japans
Fort Worth Japanese Garden
Photo Essays
MARCH 4, 2013 4:11AM

"You're So Mean!" (In The Lifeboat Of God)

Rate: 4 Flag

Everyone was on my case - as usual...

"You're so mean!"

"Just let it go. Stop living in the past, dude."

"After all the hell we've been through it's time to pull together and grow up. Get with the program!"

Damn, people are hard! What does one do when trapped with the mentally incontinent on the same lifeboat? There's just no way out of the mess!

"Look, guys," I pleaded, "he wants to start doing the exact same thing that sunk our ship in the first place. Do you want to fucking live or not?"

Hard to believe but, yes, we drilled holes in our glorious ship until finally it sunk right to the ocean floor. The ship's captain who even though he campaigned against it after drilling's effects became obvious to even the most dimwitted passenger, still believed in it in his heart and secretly allowed - and even expanded - the practice. But as a dedicated politician, repentance was absent his soul. So instead of rebirth he chose the infamous "double down" road to hell, i.e. start drilling again right here on our very fucking own lifeboat!

But he was not alone in his delusion as the onslaught continued.

"So he made a few mistakes. You expect everyone to be perfect?"

"What's so wrong with a little drilling? Can't you compromise at all? After all, we did it for years and years. Are you saying it's all bad?"

"You don't know what he knows. Maybe, just maybe, a little hole drilling might do us some good, Mr. Smarty Pants!"

What was God thinking when He put all his goddam eggs in the one basket of mob rule? Why can't the dummies just be allowed to die without taking the rest of us with them?

"I know what this is. You fucking idiots think you can cover your ass by continuing the same behavior that put us in this shit lifeboat. Doesn't matter how many people vote it a good idea, drilling is the one thing we know we can never do again. The good life is gone and now you want to kill our one last chance at survival? Do not let this lunatic talk you into drilling all over again!"

That's when our snake tongued captain slithered his poison anew, the same old politics of unification.

"There's a reason extremists like you never got elected. One can't see life in absolutist terms. We can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. You say it was drilling holes in our hull that caused our wonderful ship to sink. Do you have any proof of that? Are you saying our ways were without worth? Compromise is doing God's work!"

"Might want to look up that commandment about taking someone's name in vain there, bright boy."

But the shameless blameshifters were not done. A wretched woman took me to task for my liberal ways. "How dare you talk to our captain like that! My son was a good boy! He wanted to do something with his life and be useful. He was one of the very first to drown on the front lines in the deepest part of the hull. He didn't get all high and mighty like you elitists who always question why. He drilled those holes just like he was told to! You ask if I believe in drilling? I have to believe in drilling! My son's life was not wasted."

As she sat down crying the morons applauded her and booed me vociferously. Then it struck me: what am I fighting against? No man is a villain in his own eyes. The most precious thing to every soul is its morality - even a false one. Debating that is pointless. As I looked around at the frightened hate-filled faces around me, I knew reason was dead.

I watched in an out-of-body sort of way as a young girl happily practiced her dance moves. She had said it was "not her job" to decide if drilling were right or wrong. An old man whistled as he whittled, declaring "smarter minds" than his should decide fact from fiction. A priest of the non-opinioners blessed them for their faith while denouncing me for my lack of it. Regardless, I was sticking with the truth till the end.

It was in my darkest hour - the day drilling was to begin ("It's just one hole! Be reasonable!") - when a ship appeared on the horizon. One even more wonderful than the one we sunk! Having spotted us it was soon upon our bow, their captain true and strong as he spoke.

"Ahoy! We are the ship of Life! We want to rescue you. But first, you must throw overboard any who are opposed to drilling."

My ass hit the water before these non-absolutist, compromising, reasonable souls stopped to think otherwise. Phony bastards! Completely self-serving. Always thinking they can vote on what's true in their utterly ruthless vanity.

A power boat descended from the ship of Life, whisking me away. Oh, the confused, outraged look on their faces as the lifeboaters realized they were being Left Behind. When they saw me hugged as I came aboard the ship of Life, the lifeboat fell into unrepressed turmoil.

"We want to change our answers!"

"You've already given it," dismissed the captain, annoyed at his time wasted.

As we sailed away we heard angry shouts and the sound of the lifeboat's captain being thrown overboard. But never again did I think of those who said, "Truth has no meaning."

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
"There's no god higher than truth." - Gandhi
Truth, under the most wretched of circumstances, manages to survive. Do not think it a great warrior because of this for it is bent, battered and kicked into strange forms by men with large muscles, big guns, and small brains.

So badly does it get damaged that when I say to one of you, "You wouldn't recognize truth if it bled all over you," you take that for an insult instead of a commiseration.

Dear, dear "Grin",

This is probably one of the best blogs that I've ever read here on OS. Masterful writing indeed! Beautiful in concept and gorgeous in execution! A brilliant exhibition of exceptional talent.

And that's the truth!

Hell, I'm not worried about the truth surviving. I'm worried about my goddam ass surviving! Or, as Moses said, when you put morons in charge it brings ruin to the watered land as well as the dry.
"Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come" ought to do it...
Wow did leaving those folks on the boat make that person an asshole or an IceHole. Think about your answer. I am up to something here.
........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx (ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥ (ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★(ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★R