I was writing on a chalk board today and the chalk was screeching as it does, giving my audience of three group members fits. One of them, a physics geek grad student, told me that breaking the chalk in half would stop the noise, a trick taught to her by a classical mechanics professor. (The fundamental mode of the chalk would now be out of resonance with the driving frequency of the skipping on the board). I said that she should publish a paper on it and came up with a title: 

Resonance shift in fundamental vibrational mode of polycrystalline calcium carbonate cylinders by abrupt truncation.

Here’s a few more prospective titles for even more mundane activities if they were scientific studies:

1. Removal of residual  organic emulsions from ceramics by application of high temperature surfactant solution

2. Negative entropy accumulation in the time dependent reordering of planar cellulosic aggregates

3. Transduction of frequency domain optical signals into time domain acoustic patterns

4. Thermal denaturation of avian pectoral fast twitch fibers in high temperature lipid thin films

5. Decreasing the probability of activation barrier crossing in biodegradation of bovine mammary secretions by thermal energy extraction

See if you can figure out what the hell I’m talking about and feel free to add your own. 

1a. Hotter than a watersudsy madam clean anew ta eat often

2a. Order up! Doc, you meants to order a pick-me-up

3a. Spinnin’ plates? Disc us. He’s got a lasery, aye from the sound of it.

4a. I’m afried of poultrygeists. In season, unseasoned

5a. Spare the rot and spoil the chill! An udder disaster! A voided!

I can't keep all of the hundreds of my avid followers in suspense. I know you're all waiting to find out what I'm talking about because it's just that important! I was thinking of writing this on kleenex that I was about to throw out but I might just as well write it here:

1. Washing the dishes

2. Picking up the papers on my desk (Like that will ever happen) 

3. Listening to a CD (Which may be obsolete before we know it)

4. Frying up some chicken breast.

5. Keeping milk in the refrigerator keeps it from spoiling

If any of you still have some of your own scientifications let's see em...