I have a fat cat. Alright, I have two fat cats but one of them is merely plump while the other is FAT! I have had them for one year and for the first time since they came to live with me, took them to a vet yesterday. I’ve put them in carriers before for trips to and from their previous owner when I took care of them for short periods. One of them, the smaller of the two has no problem getting into a box. She’ll go right in without complaint and settle down for the adventure. The other one has a problem with...everything, except sleeping and eating. I used to think he was an idiot but now I realize he is just afraid of everything. Everything. Trying to get him into a cat carrier is like trying to inflate a balloon by grabbing handfuls of air and pushing it into the stem. You can’t grab it, or enough of it. It’s constantly moving. The opening is too small no  matter how big you think it is. Most significantly, it comes right back out. 

Yes he’s fat but he’s also huge. Not only does he weigh 25 pounds, he’s almost three feet long! (when fully extended). Under ordinary circumstances he is very docile, unless he’s running for his life from the vacuum cleaner or a toy. Like I say, I’ve done this before. It’s work, and takes some repeated grabbing and stuffing but it can be done. Sometimes he hisses and claws and I feel bad for scaring him, but it has to be done and I will not attempt to negotiate with recalcitrant cats. So I make the first gentle attempt holding him and putting his head into the opening and giving him a little push. Escape, grab, repeat. This time he’s really struggling and barely fits into the opening. Escape, grab, repeat. Now he’s scurrying under furniture. Who knew he was so lithe and stealthy? I should point out that each time I do this I get him entirely inside the box but before I can close the door he’s out like the wind, a fleeting glimpse of a wild thing refusing to be tamed.  Grab, struggle, grab, struggle, now he’s pissed. He manages to turn his head around and gets his teeth into my arm. I fight him off and finally get him into the box with some pee being sprayed everywhere. After that he’s very well behaved and the visit to the vet is no problem. 

"Otter" doing what he does best

My blood is spattered over the top of his carrier. The vets are very concerned about this. Sure he has some minor dental decay as many cats do ( To be treated later on) but it turns out that cat bites are serious, more serious than I ever imagined. After just a few hours, the wound, opposing fang holes, is starting to swell and hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.

I call the University Health Services and get a consult with an R.N. She warns me to keep a close eye on it for signs of infection and to call the on call doctor if I see anything. About twelve hours into it my wrist is now pretty swollen and there are streaks of red reaching up toward my elbow. It’s 10:00 p.m., I call the doctor.  No question about it I need antibiotics now, not five minutes from now, and may need a trip to the emergency room for an injection. She calls in the prescription and I go get it. These pills have to be at the size limit for human consumption.

(2S,5R,6R)-6-[(R)­ (-)-2-Amino-2-(p-hydroxyphenyl)acetamido]-3,3-dimethyl-7-oxo-4-thia-1-azabicyclo[3.2.0]heptane-2­carboxylic acid trihydrate. Amoxicillin in English, and his friend, potassium (Z)­ (2R,5R)-3-(2-hydroxyethylidene)-7-oxo-4-oxa-1-azabicyclo[3.2.0]-heptane-2-carboxylate, aka clavulanate. Let’s face it, those names are at the limit of human consumption too. Together they are called Augmentin , One of these guys, the amoxicillin, does the killing while the clavulanate prevents a particular and common mechanism of drug resistance from working. This shit is heavy duty, and it better be for almost four bucks per pill. From what I’ve read it almost never makes your skin turn black and fall off and the liver and kidney damage are nothing you can’t recover from. Well that’s reassuring. Actually, the most reassuring thing is that it’s already working after only one dose

This may not be news to veteran cat owners but the latest in cat dietary management is to get them off of dry food completely and give them canned food with supplements. They both seemed pretty interested in the stuff I brought home from the vet yesterday but today they won’t touch it. That will take some adjustment. 

I should also tell you that it really became apparent to me why so many people who lose their jobs have to give up their pets. Yesterday’s visit including vaccinations, lab fees, food, and the usual cost of an exam came to $200.00. If I were to go through with all of the tests that may be needed depending on the results of the fat guy’s shit test it may cost me $800.00. I don’t think it will come to that but even if it did it would be worth it to keep them healthy. Neither of them is suffering any debilitating disease so it would be money well invested now. 

As a follow up on getting a cat into a carrier, they were able to do it by inserting him ass end first into the upended carrier. Sounds easy until you remember that there were three of them doing it.

So let this stand as a warning to you: Cat bites are serious! I’m recovering now but just wait until the next full moon....