Hayley's Comments

Introspection on Healing, Vegetarianism, and Life

Hayley Rose

Hayley Rose
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HayleysComments.com, Connecticut, TheVeggieStand.com
Birthday
December 31
Title
HayleysComments.com
Bio
I was born when Halley’s Comet last appeared overhead and named accordingly. Since then, I've become a writer, artist, and columnist. In addition to Open Salon, my work appears frequently in The Huffington Post, All Things Healing, Gender Across Borders: A Global Feminist Blog, and several other publications. I blog daily at my site HayleysComments.com I recently published my first book, "I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell." The book is about domestic violence, a topic that I am very vocal about. It chronicles my journey away from tumultuous love affairs by weaving stories of her past with stories from literature, music, and visual art of both modern and classical significance. Find me on Twitter @HRoseStudios

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APRIL 7, 2012 1:06PM

Abandoned

Rate: 4 Flag

In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray's character awakes every morning to the same exact day. Because of this, he is able to live each day without consequences and still wake up the next morning as if nothing happened. He eats whatever he wants, commits suicide, and is an all out jerk, yet the next morning he's still in his bed reliving Groundhog Day all over again.

Aside from the monotony of it all, the fact that his character seems to despise Pittsburgh, living the same day over and over again doesn't seem like the worst thing could happen a person...well, that is until said person falls in love...

Soon he does, he falls in love with Andie McDowell's character and they have an affair. However, every morning when Murray wakes up she is gone. When he sees her that day, it is as if it never happened. She has no recollection of the event, which doesn't say much about his performance. Just kidding, it is of course because the day has started over again as if nothing had ever happened.

I wish I could do that. Start dating a person over again and make them forget what they learned after reading my articles, because as soon as they see them, they disappear and no not because I too, like Murray's character, am trapped in this metaphysical type of "Groundhog Day." It breaks my heart every time, not because I'd grown attached to the person but because I didn't even get the chance to.

It makes me feel like the Elephant Man. Nobody wanted him. How pathetic am I?

After meeting one particularly lovely person, I thought I made a major faux pas. I freaked out... He'd stayed so long...managed to read my articles and still wanted to talk to me, even more actually. And I ruined it or thought I did. It was fun while it lasted... It was really fun actually... I decided that spending time with him was too nice to be resentful or hurt over even if I didn't hear from him again. I decided that I would remember it as something happy and strive for something similar in the future.

If it wasn't for the abandonment issue I'd developed over the last few years, I wouldn't have reacted so insecurely. When they disappeared that was it. They disappeared. To my utter shock, I did hear from him again. And then I realized that these guys were dumping me because I followed my dream- well not because of the dream specifically, but because if I hadn't pursued it in the first place, they wouldn't have had the opportunity to read my articles and subsequently dump me over what they read. Well ain't that some odd kind of double edged sword....

In the end of the movie, Bill Murray wakes up one morning and to his surprise Andie McDowell is silently sleeping next to him. He is not only struck by her beauty, she looks like an angel, but struck by the fact that she is still there in his bed; that Groundhog Day is finally over. No doubt he has developed some sort of abandonment issue and it will still be several days if not weeks before he believes she will actually stay...

I still don't believe it, when I am talking to a guy and he continues to respond to me, call me, and ask me out, that it will last for long. I am always fearful that an ending looms shortly around the corner,  just like it has every other time. I sit on pins and needles and patiently wonder which article or piece of writing will be the one that pushes him over the edge and into the abyss where all the other guys ended up (likely the same abyss that stole my socks out of the washing machine). I do not know what this abyss has against me. It sometimes feels like black jack: I wonder how much of myself I can reveal without going bust. But then I think about it and it settles in my mind that the abyss is more friend than foe. Not sure what it has against socks, but I do know it has saved me many times from sub par relationships, jerks, and all out bad situations.

Unfortunately even when things are going good with a guy, I still feel like Bill Murray did every morning in the movie Groundhog Day. I still wake up expecting him not to be there (metaphorically).  I have an even harder time believing that if I ever do wake up with a love interest in my bed that this won't be the last time I see him. No, not because of a poor performance on my part, but because I have grown used to being abandoned.

For another awesome post inspired by the movie Groundhog Day, check out "GROUNDHOG DAY" by STATHI STATHI

Hayley's Comments 2012

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Hayley,you are a friend of mine here...thinking what friends are ...sometimes I think that they are their similarities and the ones that can communicate with silence and even with eyes,after of course having told all in details about themselves.I am with you here and with the " I too, like Murray's character, am trapped in this metaphysical type of "Groundhog Day." and mostly with yours "because I have grown used to being abandoned".In the film which is for me one of the most didactic I have seen and I am still searching for the full movie..the character wins his loneliness when he abandons himself..his ego..and that is a liberation..when he trully loves..he trully cares...He trully forgets himself... when he has lost all hoρe on getting out of the day and just trys to do the best with it...

Excellent work here..I know for me at least is sad to have the need of being loved but..this is human.. this is our being...isn't this life all about..Love and be loved..From my side,yes...I can totally connect and let me assure you that your writing and ρost is far more useful and meaningful and awesome than mine..at least for me...

Thank you for sharing your Groundhog day..Lets all hoρe our life not to be one..and the key out of is to be the simρle abandonment of our self..and love...Rated with friendshiρ αnd thanks and best regards!!!!Hayley ...haρρy Holidays...
This will sound like something your mother would say Hayley but it's a matter of time till you wind up with someone who appreciates you for what you are. Anyone who's had a satisfying, serious relationship has usually had a few preceding unsatisfying, unserious ones.

And those socks? Where do you think lint comes from? One sock completely disintegrates in every wash.
Do you remember the scene in Groundhog Day where Murray's character, Phil, is talking to the Ralph and Gus from the cafe and he asks them "What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?" and Ralph comments "That pretty much sums it up for me."? You don't have to actually live the same day over literally to be living the same day over and over again. I think it is like what STATHI STATHI said about learning to simply abandon ourselves to the day. No expectations and accepting and enjoying the moments as they come. A tall order to be sure! I think if Phil really learned the lesson of the experience he lived through, he won't wake up every day surprised to find her still there and living in fear of her not being there. He will wake up every day and just simply be grateful that she is still there and for each moment of the day he gets to spend with her and not look beyond each moment. That is what I am trying to learn and it is a VERY hard lesson to learn. I think we are too programmed with what we think we are supposed to do with our lives to just simply enjoy the moment we have.
Stathi "he trully cares...He trully forgets himself... when he has lost all hoρe on getting out of the day and just trys to do the best with it..." That's something for me to think about- thanks!
What you say makes sense- Zanelle read this post too and she said to me "Soulmates are all around you. ” She is so right in many different ways. Best regards, my friend.

LOL Abrawang- so that's where the socks go and yes you are right I know...

Painting the Stars "You don't have to actually live the same day over literally to be living the same day over and over again. I think it is like what STATHI STATHI said about learning to simply abandon ourselves to the day." You are so right, wow- thank you for your insightful comment...