On the Natch

Baby Boomer, Grrrrandma, Urban Goddess
APRIL 14, 2010 2:01PM

A Poke in the Eye with a Hypodermic

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Last week after several hours on the phone trying to find an optometrist who would accept my insurance, I ended up at an old eye doctor I used to go to who said he'd take my new insurance "as a courtesy." Okay.

I'd been struggling with a "thing" inside my lower left eyelid that looked like a pimple with a black head. Like a tiny volcano inside my bottom eyelid. He took a look, said words that sounded like "varicele," and "sub-conjunctival cyst," and then the capper; "Is it bothering you?"

 (This is the guy who gave me the flu last year when he played kneesies with me across the examining device and sneezed into my face while my head was trapped as he looked into my eyes. I'm getting the feeling you don't have to be too bright to be an eye doctor. And you probably have to be really dopey to go back to the same one who infected you during a flu epidemic! But my choices were, shall we say, limited?)

 "Well, yeah," I replied, thinking, why else would I have groveled to get two hours off work in the middle of the day; hours I will have to make up by working late tonight? "Yeah," I replied.

"These things usually go away by themselves," he said.

"It really hurts," I pouted. He put his head on one side, regarded me, then opened a drawer. One of those skinny little drawers in doctors offices, out of which come pointy objects. He put some anaesthetic drops in my eye and told me to look up.

"Sit still," he instructed, and clamped my head in the examining frame while he pulled down my eyelid and started . . . poking.  He was using tiny tiny tweezers, and I could feel his frustration as,each time he grabbed the miniature cyst, it slithered out from between the infinitesimal prongs. Then he seemed to have an Eureka moment, and took out a hypodermic.

He settled back to work with gusto. Moments later, I felt relief. "Got it," he said, then stood up. "The end of a hypodermic is like a knife," he explained. "I was able to open the cyst up with it." He seemed pleased. I know I was. Even when he beamed at me and said, "That's the first one of those I ever did."

 Whew! I'm glad he told me AFTERWARD!

Author tags:

comedy, health, open call

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