The holidays can be especially tough for trans folk: many have been shunned by their families. There is no where for them to go--nobody wants them at the table with the family--especially when the extended family comes to town.

Juicy gossip of their transition to the opposite sex to which they were born snaked its way across distances, making its way to the ears of relatives.  They are an embarrassment, an abomination.

Their existence has been erased: They have been told they are dead.

For such outcasts, the holidays can be terribly isolating and a stinging reminder of their family's rejection.

How could you do this to family?

Recently, I  had a long chat with my friend; she's a trans woman who has overcome incredible hardships and obstacles in her life to achieve gender congruence. Only in middle age was she able to have sex reassignment surgery (SRS) and physically transition to a female.

Growing up male, it was made clear that boys do "boy things," so she learned to bury her true gender identity deep, deep down. This doesn't work. Sooner or later, the pressure of hiding who we are doesn't merely bubble to the surface--it bursts. When it does, it can hurt many people: spouses, children, family, and friends.

For the past five years, my friend Jessica has hosted a Christmas Eve dinner  for 12 trans people. Everyone at the table together--where no one is judged for what is or isn't between their legs. No one is judged for the sex they are or were. For some, maybe the "outside" has been modified (only to be congruent with their true self); for others it can mean donning attire that is non-conforming to their birth sex (an expression of their gender identity).

Sophie, an annual guest at Jessica's Christmas dinner, was ostracized by her family when she came out as a trans woman.  For years, she too repressed her female gender identity, until she had reached a suffocating point: transition or die.

Embarking on the difficult path of transition, Sophie was cut off from family and faced discrimination at work. She was told the lawyers' office where she worked was conservative and she should look for employment elsewhere.  Everything familiar and comforting ripped away from her at the time when she was most vulnerable in her life and needed security, friendship, and love.

 Fortunately, Sophie found a trans support group in which she found Jessica and other friends--other outcasts.

They enjoy a wonderful meal in the company of people who are happy to have them at the table.  Period. 

They've created a new family.