Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) heads into a "meeting" with his "staff." (AP)
I have witnessed with awe and just a little resentment the quiet grace with which you have handled my recent difficulties and the unfortunate media hype, especially my post-apology appearance on The Today Show; not to mention the upcoming Larry King interview (postponed until they bury that colored fellow) in which I will explore further the distinction between a helpmate and a soulmate.
You must wonder, as I do, why God in His wisdom sees fit to bless a sinner like me with such a fine wife, to bind us in holy matrimony, and yet deny our union the throbbing sexual tXXXXX the hot nasty XXX in her pulsing LatinaXXXXX and XXXatio like a Hoover WetVac XX XXX and that XXXsy! XXXXXX and yet deny our union the ardor without which a man can be tempted to stray from the trail of fidelity and skip naked across the meadow of true love. The Lord's ways are mysterious indeed. Go figure.
Jenny, you have always been my rock. I ask that you continue in the role of rock for a while longer, as I search my heart for some remnant of feeling that isn’t gratitude, relief, brotherly disinterest, or abject terror of your daddy.
It might help of you tried something different with your hair and gave up Bermuda shorts. Just saying.
PS: My attorneys say it's unlikely that we can own "hiking the Appalachian love-trail" or even "accepting the devil's stimulus" but we have applied for a trademark on "breaking in some new hiking booty." If there's any licensing income, you'll be the first to know.