I'm watching Muammar Gadhafi's speech to the United Nations and it's impossible to know whether he wants everyone to duck and cover, or participate in a group hug. The simultaneous translation is being performed by Latka Gravas, who keeps correcting himself on key points:  ("You should accept...um, you should reject...accept...for the mankind.")  

The gist of the speech, so far:

 • Jet lag! Or possibly the threat of an attack on the UN building by Al Queda

• Release Noriega 

• Giving the finger to Security Council 

• Vietnam War (or Studio 54?) represented the pinnacle of disco 

• You are all asleep 

• When it's four a.m. in New York, it's eleven o'clock in Libya

• After Tito died, Hitler rebuilt this entire country brick by brick and it was dismembered for imperialism

• Against flu epidemic and rape

• A Taliban state would either be just like, or nothing like, the Vatican

• Thanking American people for accommodations  

• Darfur; irrigation. You are the ones who want, who made, this problem for a sacrifice

* Lamumba... lambada?... Kennedy and Jack Ruby

 • Ask yourselves: why was Oswald shot by an Israelite? And WTF was Tom Delay doing on Dancing With The Stars?

• Let's do this again in India or China 

 Also, Obama is like a son to him. (Yes, Fox News, there is a Santa Claus.)