"Hello," she lied.

"Hello," she lied

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March 01
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Boss of Me
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Soylent Green is human resources

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OCTOBER 18, 2009 2:55PM

Jon and Kate Plus Eight Runaway Tinfoil Kayaks

Rate: 12 Flag

 

Class IV rapids. Family hobby gone tragically awry. Tearful parents set aside their differences and share an agonizing vigil at Cataract Canyon. 

CNN employs a "virtual river" wall map and Dr. Sanjay Gupta. MSNBC's split screen contrasts the real-time crisis with flashbacks to happier times in the Jon and Kate marriage. On HLN, a whitewater guide warns of dire odds against the children's survival if they enter the class V Gore Rapid. "The Gore is likely unrunnable in a tinfoil craft. I wouldn't attempt it."  

Jon mans up. Kate is stoic, but her hair looks like a rat's nest. We've never seen her this vulnerable 

Reynolds Aluminum assembles a team of foil-construction consultants. Alcoa pledges to cover the cost of a worst-case wilderness recovery operation.

Skeptics flood the blogosphere with snark. 

I am riveted to my TV set for two hours, praying to the agnostics' God and sobbing like a child. 

Hope is a glimpse of silver foil bobbing in the foam. Discarded Kit-Kat wrapper? Or one of the sextuplets? 

For a cynic, I'm kind of gullible. 

 

 

 

 kayak

Dr. Sanjay Gupta demonstrates hypothermia. 

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Comments

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Wow, first!

You never said who was in the tin-foil kayak. I hope it was that bitch Kate.

Psst, I'm kind of gullible too, or so says my agnostic God.
Where's Gaddafi when you need him? He could make sense of it all.
Could represent the next generation of reality tv programming. Think of the sponsor opportunities, term life insurance, mechanized scooters for those who suffer spinal injuries, oh the possibilities!
:-( Where's Lassie when we need her?

:)
Sanjay Gupta is a doctor?
I can't help thinking how this hoax will affect future children who really ARE trapped aboard runaway experimental tin-foil craft. At best, the next incident will get a few minutes of live coverage on HLN as prelude to a shrill parenting lecture from Nancy Grace. No Wolf Blitzer. No FAA. And most certainly no Meredith Viera, who will never conduct another live interview without wondering if there will be vomit.
I've never seen this show, nor do I plan to, but I like the creative mind behind this post.
Emma, I've never seen their show either. Scary, isn't it?
The ads on the right are cracking me up.

I saw both the GMA (Diane Sawyer) interview and the one on Today (Meredith Viera). The kid puked on both shows, but at least on GMA Diane expressed concern for the kid, on the Today show Meredith kind of took her cue from the father and ignored the fact that the kid was barfing up his guts and just kept prattling on. I kept thinking, wow, not only do we have parents using their kids for fame but a "reporter" who is also a mother, just carries on full tilt, like an accessory to the abuse.
Leave John and Kate aloooooone!!!!! I can just see the video fan video a la Brittney Spears.
You weren't the only one sobbing. I was there, vicariously holding your hand.
And just when I thought it was safe to watch the "news" again.....

well written!
I've never seen Dr. Sanjay or the Gosselins, but there's enough of them in the cultural ambience for get a chuckle out of this

great job
This just in...Ft. Collins, CO Sheriff's Office say that the tinfoil kayak is not a hoax.
I just came across this...it is so clever. (Rated).