While going through old papers, I found these words, and it seemed to me I had found real poetry. I broke the lines for sense and breath, created the stanzas, and added titles that seemed to capture the train of thought, however broken. The words are exactly as my father wrote them--including the few words that weren't words or that I simply couldn't read. He died in December of 2001 at the age of 85.
It is important for me to tell you that I did not take care of my father during his illness. There are reasons that I stayed away--but probably not good ones. I have the greatest respect and admiration for those who are able to give of themselves through the course of this painful dismantling of the psyche and person.
I DO NOT EXPECT TO RECOUP
--November, 1999
Dear friend,
from your years of accomplishment.
From my relatives:
my selections of words
in our remenants.
I do not expect to recoup,
for I have at least three serious recoveries,
and I am not very strong.
I will settle down quietly.
ABOUT 10 BLACK STEEL MACHINE
--October, 2000
Bath, one toilet,
and one medicine machine.
Max skin or in liras goes to small calories.
06 closes on shelf, wood
taken in the beds.
He essentially cases same facility
900 time to curtain slack.
Roof sheds to approximately
10 large clues, 25 vice clues.
About 10 black steel machine
about 3 well-trained
and 7 wealth climate.
Time to fix up pones for use.
I LOVE HER QUITE INFORMED
--October, 2000
My wife Jeannie
is my favorite
good for accent from U.S.
I generally rule out
her sidewalk and walks the side
people like me.
Writers often use your steps
and spaces right well.
I love her quite informed.
I expect we'll help the winter
since for all summer
and I'll likely last.
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Comments
As my son recovered from his brain injury, he had severe aphasia and would speak in normal cadence. Someone who did not know him might have assumed he was merely speaking in a foreign tongue...which he was, his own tongue.
The brain is a mysterious organ. Sometimes we use it to protect ourselves emotionally.
"I will settle down quietly." that one resonates.
"I love her quite informed." I always want to be loved like that.
I'm not surprised at all that this reads like poetry. It is has always been my belief that truly great poetry follows the mind, which, in my opinion, is naturally digressive. It's that brilliant leap between two seemingly separate ideas that makes absolute sense to the unfettered mind.
I especially enjoy I love her quite informed.
Both of my grandparents suffered from the same. In retrospect I wish I had gathered their thoughts.
I wonder what he would have written.
This is great.
Rated
deborah & manchu--of course I'm scared to death that this will be my fate, too.
thank you, owl, and gracilou--it's such a mystery what's inside the mind when it's functioning normally . . . much less when it's not.
"I expect we'll help the winter
since for all summer
and I'll likely last."
Almost has an ee cummings feel.
Fascinating!
and the last part of the same:
"I expect we'll help the winter
since for all summer
and I'll likely last"
Almost has an ee cummings feel.
Fascinating!
Like almost everyone else here, the line I Love Her Informed is stunning! Thank you so much for sharing it.
I particularly liked:
my selections of words
in our remenants.
Thanks for sharing these, and for your honesty.
Wordsmith, I do know what you mean. There is a portentiousness about these thoughts that makes it seem he must have understood his own decline.
I know others have commented on how sad these are. I, however, find them brave and beautiful. I hope someone takes the time to locate and save mine someday.
Thank you so much for sharing these - they are astounding, and such an amazing look into the Alzheimer mind. There are those spaces when enough is left to have some real communication.
But it's fatal. I'm glad to know your father.
And you.
Thank you for this
Rated
in our remenants."
What remains always - eternal resonance.
Thank you for this post. I am without words or understanding - just where I should be. But understanding This gift. Thank you.
peece,
dj
Thank you for sharing
“for I have at least three serious recoveries,
and I am not very strong.
I will settle down quietly.”
Wise and heartbreaking words coming from someone who is still thinking clearly enough to witness the slow unraveling of his own mind. But he chose to “settle down quietly.” Your father’s gentle spirit and contemplative soul come through these poignantly self-reflective words.
One of my best friends, Sharon, witnessed the deterioration of her father from Alzheimer’s. She is a poet and wrote tenderly honest poems about this experience, incorporating many of her father’s fragments into her work. I wish I could share some here, but they’re unpublished, so I won’t take that liberty. Sharon’s father slipped into Alzheimer’s just as she was making a midlife career shift to hospice chaplain. She had no idea how immediately relevant her MDiv on aging and spirituality was about to become—and how this experience with her father would deepen her already profound empathy for those facing bravely, and fearfully, the end of their fraying lives.
—Melissa
I am skeptical of the blanket diagnosis of Alzheimers. I don't see how it is better than the older diagnosis of senility. When you have seen one Alzheimer's patient, you have seen one Alzheimer's patient. Getting that grim diagnosis has a devastating impact on people because they assume the worst.
I urge you to read this story about the Nun's Study
http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101010514/
The autopsy of their brains at death had little relationship to how they were living their lives.