I was standing on the stairs outside my office, watching people walk by, when I suddenly felt the urge to write.  I haven't felt the urge or desire to write a story, play, or poem in years.  I think the lack of creative output led to my massive amount of video blogs on youtube (www.youtube.com/hipployta).  When I get a chance I'll be adding a video performance of this poem...if I ever finish it. 

This sudden urge to write leads me to think that this year of "blossoming" is actually working.  I think I can directly relate my lack of creative written work (my dancing continued) to my apathy towards everything adult and lack of emotions.

[Accidentally deleted so here it is again ]

2008, A Year of Change

I used to be hollow

Not physically, as one might imagine

But...emotionally

The strong passions that grip you

Such as anger, fear, and love

Have no such affect on me

In fact

I treat them as delightful toys

And pull YOUR string with them

I suppose that is somehow worse isn't it?

That I, though I may be hollow, treat you

As a puppet to your emotions

Now now now Don't give me that stare

That surprised, pained, and accusing stare

I told you who I was the very day we met

I suppose that's no consolation

After all, who doesn't believe that they will be different?

Perhaps they believe they will be the one to not fall prey to my whims...

Perhaps they believe they will be the one to...oh my...change me

Or you...or whomever their misguided beliefs are placed upon

BUT Fear not my dears...for you who have fallen...shall now be avenged.

For you will recall in the beginning I said I used to be hollow

And it is used to indeed for that is the case no more.

Sadly, for you, it was I who changed me
And not for the sake of the affection of some being

But so that I could be affection to YOU

Who are you?

YOU!

Yes, you...the teeming masses of people upon whom I hope to affect positive change

You!

How can I help you...if I don't understand you?

How can I claim to care for my fellow man when I so carelessly wreck destruction upon thee?

Or is it you...who I shall place my newly awakened thoughts of affection upon

You, who I seek to meet...and likely destroy...to experience the new me

One would argue that there is a tangled web to be weaved when one seeks to deceive ...but I'm always honest, which is often a painful experience for you

I would argue that the web that has bound me in my journey this year...has proven to be the silkiest trap of web imaginable.

The web of emotions, ties, rebirth, and growth...

So in 2008, I opened the vault that held my cold heart, and perhaps my soul, and exposed it to sunlight to welcome emotions into my life

Or perhaps I haven't changed at all

Siobhan

31 December, 12pm, Kabul, Afghanistan