You know that square in Johari's window that is about how there are things you don't know that you don't know?

Well, someone just opened my eyes to something I didn't know I didn't know. Apparently I missed some basic areas of social interaction.

I mean really basic and simple stuff. Like if I jump into a conversation to introduce myself first and make small talk of some sort. I'm sure some are thinking it's true I don't do that.

I do know how to do those things, but for me it always seemed a bother. I just jump directly into what I want to talk about.

I'm glad to know about this flaw, one can always improve, but I"m kind of angry at myself since it shows I have all kind of book sense but am still lacking in some areas of common or street sense.

You know...I've spent over a year making a concentrated effort to be a more open and social person. I have made lots of new associates and a few friends. It's a little frustrating to realize such a gap exists. I suppose I've been relying on my wits and smile to smooth over awkward moments.

I didn't think it was still so difficult for me to blend in so I guess I have regressed a bit since I came back but this gives me something to ponder.

 During the summer I was deliberately blocking people out but I've gotten over that. I've always been the solitary sort but when I'm uncomfortable I smile and laugh...when I'm annoyed I'm sarcastic...when I'm comfortable I'm usually quiet with bursts of talkativeness if my interest is peaked.

My Mother always pointed out that I needed to learn tact...and I always responded that tact is for people that aren't witty enough to be sarcastic. Perhaps, that was the wrong answer.

Due to thinking about life on a late Sunday night I can now guarantee my dreams are going to be about how to handle this. *sigh*

I also learned two other facts: 1) While I'm observing and learning other people...they are doing the same to me...and are likely hiding what they think. 2) I am susceptible to charisma. Should I be concerned that my judgement is cloudy because of it? I never believe people when they use alot of fake compliments and flattery but how does one deal with a genuinely good personality?

These are things to think about but I'll trust my instincts for now. Being around people that can see into me and tell me what they see WOULD be disturbing if I had anything to hide but it is comforting to me because I'll always know where I stand...good or bad. Confusing?

I don't think that it makes any sense to me either but you have to trust sometime right? Besides if I'm judging and weighing someone it makes sense that they are doing the same to me.

Friends are tricky.

Life is a learning experience...that is not always an easy thing to deal with. I've written out my thoughts...but I don't think I've really progressed in them...so I'll sleep on it.

beautiful kisses Siobhan