Waiting to hear from a job interview. Deep inside the recesses of my brain:

 

Really if we got the job, it would be great. But, it would also be not so great. For one, you'd have to move. You hate moving. The packing, the boxes, the fighting over which stuff you can give to goodwill and which will be kept. Then there's the rental truck, and you hate rental trucks. Remember that rental truck you got that one time that didn't have a working parking break? Yeah. See. And you're not done with your year yet, so they'd have to move and you'd have to stay here until July. How fun would that be? Not very. So there'd be driving, and stress, and sadness...You've done that once, and remember how horrible it was? You couldn't wait for that semester to be over and you missed them terribly the whole time (well, almost the whole time). And then, of course there is the weather. That place was built directly over Hades. It's as hot as hell there.  And sweaty and muggy and gross. Remember when you lived there and were pregnant and you wanted to walk around naked all of the time? Know why? It's disgustingly hot there. You hated that heat. That's not to mention your mother in law who lives there and who you would no doubt have to see several times a week. Her and her "I'm-going-to-paint-provocative-naked-pictures-of-myself-and-then-hang-them-around-the-house-because-I'm-an-artist-so-I-can-do-that-sort-of-thing-and-who-the-hell-cares-if-the-kids-see-them-and-ask-their-mom-why-grandma-is-on-the-wall-naked-with-her-ass-in-the-air" self. You despise that woman. She talks bad about you to your husband- says you don't know how to discipline, that you spend all of his money and that your floors are dirty- all of which are false. She'll con your husband into doing repair work around the house and before you know it he'll be mowing the lawn over there once a week even though she's perfectly capable of getting her saggy ass out there and mowing the lawn herself. And then there's the city itself, which is scummy. It's not Raleigh or Asheville, that's for sure. The universities there are crap comparatively. You wouldn't want your kids to go to one of those. And the entire state consists almost entirely of one gas station towns in the middle of nowhere. The crime rate is terrible. It goes Republican every. single. time. You just helped NC go blue and then you want to bail? We've got to stick it out for the long haul here, Holly. There is potential here. There's no potential there.  Remember when you lived there before and you said never again. Your exact words were "I'm never, ever moving back there again". And yet, here we are, aren't we? How did we get here? Unemployment, sure, but you have enough money to last through the summer. You planned for this. So it's not that bad. Sure you might be a little poor, cut back on the "entertainment budget", put off having that new baby, no more Starbucks 3x a week and no new books or shoes or clothes, but really, is it worth moving back to that shithole of a town? No. It's not. Starbucks will always be around; there aren't any new movies out that you like anyway; you've got at least 10 more years of childbearing left in you. So really, when they call, you're going to be glad if they say no. You're going to be happy when they relieve you of the burden of having to move back to that junk-ass town. You don't want to go back there- the heat, the in-laws, the armpit of the south griminess, the overwhelming lack of liberals. You shook the dust off your shoes when you left that place and if you have to deny yourself mocha lattes for a couple of months so you don't have to move back there then so be it, right? Well that settles it, doesn't it? Might as well call them up now and say forget about it..... No, if he gets it, you'll take one for the team, you know you will. But you won't like it, will you? And if he doesn't get it, that's just fine because we didn't want that job anyway.