Bless her heart. After my mom came out of fundamentalist Christianity, she went all Deepak Chopra on me. She now subscribes to this mesh of New Age and Christianity. New Age Christianity? I don't know if that's accurate. I might have just created a new religion. Anyway, she's very big on the Power of Positive Thinking and the idea that What You Think About Manifests Itself in Real Life. This can be unnerving, especially when you throw Jesus into it.
Avram did not get the job in that wretched state. That is fine, because we didn't want that job anyway. (HEAR ME PROGRESS ENERGY?!?!) Nevertheless, my mom was very invested in us/him getting this position. After Mom started talking about us moving in with her, I became very invested in this position as well. Somehow we went from enrolling the kids in a private Montessori school to my mother asking us to move in with her. Damn economy. But the job did not come to pass.
So, I send Mom an email. "Mom, Avram didn't get the job. Thanks for your help though." Now, I am, at this point, completely convinced that my husband will not get a job. Ever. He is fucked. We are fucked. I am going to be the primary breadwinner for our family for the next ten years and Avram will have to be a SAHD doing popsicle stick crafts and taking the kids to petting zoos. Mom, on the other hand, the endless well of optimism, is completely convinced that the right job is just around the corner. Well, good for her.
"I got your email."
"Yeah, he didn't get it."
"Well, the right job is just around the corner."
"Okay."
"Really it is. You just need to thank God. Thank God for not allowing you to get this position, and then thank Him for the job that He's going to provide."
"But what if He doesn't provide a job?"
"But He will. Positive thinking, Holly. Really, it works. Just say it out loud and it will happen."
"I'm just not ready to do that yet."
"Just say it, even if you don't mean it."
Doesn't God know if I don't really mean it? How am I supposed to thank Him when I'm actually really mad at life right now? Do I get "points" for saying things I don't mean just because I say them? I love my mother. Really, she's the greatest woman I know. What she has managed to accomplish in her 50 years is the metaphorical equivalent of moving mountains. But she just can't be negative to save her life. Sometimes life calls for negativity. And you just can't manipulate God by saying things out loud and expecting them to come to pass!
CAN'T I BE ANGRY FOR TWO FUCKING MINUTES?!?!?!
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Comments
It's a safety device for her, I think, her unrelenting positivity. She's doing what she honestly thinks is best for you and herself. But remember: it's just a mask. You're in a psycho-drama with her, and God help you, you're not the one writing it...my advice is: somehow get yourself unstuck from the role you are supposed to play here...change the script...maybe by 1. becoming an observer with her for awhile: don't react , listen , and really absorb the full force of her weird show ...learn what's really driving it (insecurity, i'd surmise) then 2. engage with her on her own terms, even if it goes against your grain...remembering, again God help you!...that this woman is in your own head....has been forever and always will be...3. get rid of extraneous anger by expressing it somehow, anyhow...gritting yr teeth on an inhalation, or making a fist, and then on the exhale letting it out...it works....
I've found that it shouldn't be looked at in terms of "rights to have emotions"...that's kind of silly, when you think about it....we just have them, that's a fact...the "rights" part comes in when we deal with them....do we have a right to express certain emotions...sometimes yes, sometimes no...depending on circumstances, of course...that's where we have the opportunity to really shine, in a moral sense....feeling good about yourself means being satisfied with how you negotiate the incredibly tricky waters of interpersonal space...remember always you control your own space, and that your goal is to make it a loving, nuturing, growth-enhancing , safe "clear space" .... best, Jim
ps sort of wish my mom had gotten newage jesus...she was the most negative woman who ever lived, i think sometimes....
PS I have to agree with Jim on this. No matter how bad things were with me, my mom could always make them worse. You don't want that.
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-crystal-cathedral19-2009feb19,0,6098391.story?track=rss
Man commits suicide right in front of the cross inside Robert Schuller's Crystal Cathedral!!!! You can't make this stuff up!
Moms are hard cases.
Right now we are in the same job stress bs. Hang in there--it's the economy.