Is there any justification for War?
I was a child during the Gulf War. I grew up in a town that was strikingly pro-military, not just because it was the "south", but also because of the large military base in the area. As a child, I was taught to pray for our military and the efforts of our troops in the Middle East. It was a Just War. It was a Good War. Even then, however, the black and white, good vs. evil scheme did not quite make sense to me. I remember asking my mother, "How does God decide which side is good and which side is bad?" She had no satisfactory answer. I assumed that America was good because Americans were Christians, and therefore God always wanted America to win. But the issue still nagged at me. If God wanted America to win, and America winning meant other people dying, did God then want other people to die?
I am just now coming to the point of having to teach my own children about violence and war. I absolutely refuse to have violent toys in my home. There will be no war toys, no toy guns or the like. If anyone buys them as gifts, they will be tossed. At present, this includes seemingly innocent toys such as water guns. My husband is irritated by my objections to these toys. I just do not see them as contributing to the healthy development of a child.
Imagine my shock when my toddler son began using random, non-violent objects as "shooters". I have no idea where he picked it up. I can only assume it was at preschool. It doesn't matter what the object is, the boy can turn anything into a shooter- his finger, a train, pretend shooters off of trucks, a banana or cheese stick. My older son, my gentle giant, screams "TRISTAN! GOD DOESN'T WANT US TO SHOOTER ANYONE!" This inevitably leads to a discussion about how it's not nice to shoot people because it hurts them, and No, God does not want us to "shooter" each other. My husband calls me naive. "All boys pretend to shoot each other. It's a part of being a boy." Perhaps this is true. However, for my part, I refuse to accept this.
Would God want us to "shooter" each other? I find it difficult to believe that He would. Jesus Himself stated: "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God" (Matthew 5:9). I am not completely convinced that there is ever a justifiable cause for warfare. However, there are a few cases that bring me pause. WW II and the Civil War are two prime examples. In WWII, no one can reasonably argue that many lives were not saved as a result of the end to Nazism. Was this not just? One product of the Civil War was the abolition of slavery. Was this not just? Would these ends have been accomplished without a war?
This is not an argument against conflict. I believe conflict to be a necessary part of growth, both individually, nationally and globally. Does conflict resolution have to be, or turn, violent? The answer should be no. How is it that we can develop computers that can fit into the palms of our hands, satellites that can orbit the earth, open heart surgery and planes that fly through the air, but we have not yet embraced a method of conflict resolution that takes warfare completely off the table? Why is war still an option? How can we call ourselves "civilized" if we send our sons off to kill others and to die?
So, what to tell the children? Shielding them from violent toys and reprimanding violent play can only go so far. At the ages of 4 and 2, a time will come when they are exposed to violence, which might not be altogether negative. I do believe that eventually a knowledge of the history of war and it's consequences is a necessary step in developing a distaste for violence. I want them to understand that the mothers of American soldiers do not mourn any more for their sons as the mothers of Iraqi's do. I want them to understand that all life is sacred, not just American lives. How to instill this sentiment while living in a culture that celebrates violence and so closely aligns violence with masculinity? I hope and pray that my boys will grow up to be Conscious Objectors. I realize I only have so much control over this. Mostly, I am frustrated that I am walking into this aspect of parenting blind. I do not know how to parent in a way that encourages rational pacifism. I have never seen it done.
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Marple Fank
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John Leonard
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Comments
I think it would be better to teach your children that guns are not toys. They are weapons and tools for hunting. History books will be full of guns (will you not teach them history?) Better to teach them that people who feel better with a gun in their hand are very insecure (and are clueless about the real threat - corporations who are turning our country into a feudal society and a third world country.)
However, I think this is different than not allowing toy guns in the home and not allowing my sons to play "war" games. I agree that it is very important that my sons are knowledgeable (in an age-appropriate context) about guns and war. I would have it no other way.
You are his mother. He's looking to you for guidance. Children need and want black and white answers. They want to know that sticking something in the electric outlet is bad and that a person is bad because they do bad things. I don't think that calling someone bad dehumanizes them. Everyone has done something bad in their life, so I think we understand that. For me, a bad person is someone who chooses to do bad, chooses to harm someone and as such, they should face consequences.
I also don't think that children playing at war are learning that it's ok to be violent. When they get shot, they are playing a game, not reliving a real experience. Most games have winners and losers and that is what they are really playing at, what it feels like to lose. When they shoot, they win. It's really simple and there are no complicated rules. Think about it, you point your finger at someone and they get all dramatic on you and 'die.' They want to take turns being the dramatic person.
Your children are going to emulate you. So if you want them to live a certain way, then live that way. Live your life as a rational pacifist and they'll probably follow in your footsteps. It seems to work for the Quakers.
I think war is about xenophobia, not about who is good or bad, or whether you have a gun. And maybe about control issues. Seems to me that warmongers spend a lot of time trying to tell other people how to live their life. A lot of wars might have been avoided if compassion and understanding were taught. But what I think you're really talking about violence. Which is complicated. When genocide occurs, being a pacifist isn't going to help, so what is the answer. (I realize this is all way too mature a subject for your children right now.) And guns aren't the only tool. In Rwanda they used machetes. Words can be violent, as can intimidation. Bullying is a huge problem. And violence isn't always about war. It's about human conduct and what is good or bad.
I'm not saying that they need to grow up in a black and white world until they are adults, but only that at this age, they do need black and white. They're really not interested in shades of grey and while you may try to explain it to them, they're going to boil it down to a simpler answer and perhaps not the one you meant. There have been countless studies done on how children process information, especially at such a young age. Their brains do not function the same way an adult's does and certain concepts, especially ones they can't experience, are just lost on them. Unless they live it, war is a concept, not a reality.
Oh, and I do believe that sociopaths are bad. And I'm probably never going to tell a child to be nice to that pedophile because he's a person too.
However, when talking to young children, your point is well taken. I agree that there are bad people in the world and sometimes those bad people need to be stopped. In my adult head, I'm not sure the best way to do that is war, or violence, but I understand that this would be a simple way to explain the phenomenon of war to a young child.
And let's not forget that war is a business with no morals. In the corporate age, what are a few low class citizens compared to the profit? The people who join the military are most often forced to for economic reasons. Throw in health care or educational risks and it becomes a matter of life or death. I'm against war. I struggle when it comes to the whole support your troops thing. I understand that many are in the military because they don't have an economic choice, but at the same time, I feel supporting their choice to support the war is wrong. I don't hate the soldiers and I'm not going to abuse them, but I don't clap when someone mentions so and so is serving and I don't say how wonderful, or bless you, or good job. I don't approve of the war. I do approve of taking care of the soldiers when they come home broken - it should be priority number one - and taking care of their families. I think it's time to realize that our military is more mercenary than defensive and to stop romanticizing war.
And I am against the death penalty because I think it degrades us as rational beings. I think there should be more reformation and education than punishment in jails. We live in a society that believes in revenge, which I think is self-destructive.