Eating strawberries and drinking chardonnay that I got from Albertsons for a good deal. Who wants some of this?

Douchebags. Douchebags everywhere. I'm lookin at you Jay Leno.

The guy on Fox News 11 has an asschin.  And he's surrounded by boobs. I guess that means he wins at life.

Changed the channel to The Mentalist. I've loved Simon Baker forever. For. Ever.

I attempted to make a delicious pine nut/garlic/citrus sauce for my fish, and I burnt every ingredient. I ate it anyway.

Jay Leno had an entire bit about teaching Twitter to Old People. Twitter is really relevant.

 I don't think this guy on this commercial was ever fat, as he says he was.

WHY does this lesbian character look just like Miranda on Sex and the City? Have all lesbians turned into each other? 

 Princess Diana? Wedding of the Century? Was I really too young to remember any of this?

John Cusack? Disaster movie? What? Questions. So many questions...

Because it's a totally awesome reflection of my life as a personal asst. Why do you ask?

*Burp!* 

Finally solved the puzzle. The redhead on Couples Retreat was the blonde sister on 27 Dresses. I can die now. 

 I wonder what my boss is watching. Was I supposed to record it on the Tivo?

Jack, or should I call you Mr. In the Box? You are trying to make the country fat. As fuck. Admit it.