I've taking up child rearing. I know, it wasn't the most expected turn of events for me, but until I can pay the majority of my parking tickets, car registration, rent, insurance, food, phone, utilities, and then finally be able to afford the registration for the GRE and then application fees, I have to make money somehow and concert planning isn't cutting it.

It's funny going from a level of moderate financial stability to no financial stability: you make funny choices about how you spend your time. I didn't really think babies would be my thing. Now I'm responsible for babies of all kinds. One is a human child, about 1 & 1/2 years old, another is a dog, the other is my boss, the hipster gallery owner.

Let's start with Milo (The Infant):

This all began when I started asking around via facebook & tweetdeck if anyone needed a babysitter, petsitter, housecleaner, tutor, and/or cook. One of my friends, E, asked me if I could babysit for him last minute, and although I'd volunteered for the job in the past, this time he'd pay me. 

 I love babysitting his daughter (I'll call her Milo). It sounded like E and his wife hadn't had much time together in a while, and I wanted to be able to give them a break by taking their child for a night. Milo and I became best friends the last time, so I figured this would be a cakewalk. However, this babysitting job was last minute and I would be responsible for actually putting her to bed instead of just watching her. I'd never done that before, I'm not going to lie. I should rephrase: I'm not goign to lie now. I don't know if E was aware that I went into his home with so little experience. If there's one thing that working as an assistant taught me, it's fake it till you make it. I've become great at pretending I'm great at everything. 

E & Mrs. E got ready to leave the house, gave Milo a kiss on her forehead and started to hand her over to me when Milo started to scream. A cure all for the screaming, so they told me, were a set of crayons. The three of us took a tearful Milo to a piece of paper on the floor hoping that she would be distracted long enough for them to leave. Although my drawings weren't working, the couple remained resolute, said goodbye to baby and left. I was worried for a moment that Milo would resent me the entire night for not being mom and dad, and the crying wouldn't stop. I almost thought I was being set up for disaster.

 Two seconds after Mr. & Mrs. locked the front door, Milo noticed my artwork and the crying immediately ceased. Her blue eyes cleared and she proceeded to instruct me which crayon was the best to use. 

Milo has been learning a few signs in American Sign Language to help her communicate. She knows the word for "more," "all done,"and "eat." She actually taught me what those little signs were.

Eating was fun. She ate SO MUCH FOOD. Mrs. E set out a bowl full of baby pasta for her to nom on and I even had to go for a refill. We played airplane with the spoon, she asked for more by putting her fingers together. I was really proud of myself for getting her to eat so much without her fussing and asking for cheerios (making an OK sign).

I forgot that the consequence of lots of food was going to be lots of poop. I'm very sorry, blogworld, for creating a poop blog. I know it's repulsive, and I'm sure there's quite enough poop on the internet to go around, but I feel that this is an important issue that needs to be discussed. Especially 20-somethings who are thinking about one day having a child. They need to know about this.

So, lesson learned, lots of food means lots of poop. And I don't remember the last time I changed a diaper. Here are some things I picked up from my experience the other day.

Tip 1: When placing baby on changing table, her head should comfortably clear the edges of the table.  She'll let you know if her head is touching an uncomfortable piece, but I think it's better to avoid the situation from the start, since, let's face it, diaper changing is no evening with Enya.

Tip 2: Open the new diaper underneath baby. Makes switch out easier. 

Tip 3: Don't be afraid. Relax. Stay calm. Work quickly and diligently and you'll suffer less fussiness.

Tip 4: Diaper fastens on the front of baby. When confronted with the idea of a pile of poop for the first time, you forget easy things like this. I mean, you took the diaper off, right? It should go back on in a similar fashion.

I'm sure I'll still be a little stressed the next time I change her out, but I'll bet it gets easier every time. 

 The rest of the night went over very well. She finished her bottle. Changed her into some adorable purple PJs. We read Cordoroy, Dr. Seuss classics and watched some youtube clips from YoGabbaGabba. Here's one she loved: