Many people come to me and they say, "Hollywood Monkey, you sure do complain a lot about the business! Why are you doing this if you hate it so much?"

Ah, poor little bird! You misunderstand. I don't hate this job. I love it.

Do you understand that I walk the… Read full post »

Many people ask me, "Hollywood Monkey, you are so critical! Who in your opinion does the best writing about Hollywood?"

While I am often tempted to say "Nathaniel West," in truth I rarely hesitate to blurt, usually loud enough to be heard over four tables away, "NIKKI FINKE! NIKKI… Read full post »

Writer Monkey

Ateles  scribo

A species of monkey found primarily in the area of Hollywood, California, though specimens have been observed in other urban locales.  It is known for its fondness of bananas and its tendency to swing from overhead lighting. Ateles scribo is by nature a solitary… Read full post »

I've got work to do. But it's a great day in LA because the hipster doofus crowd have packed up their Camrys and headed to Coachella, where they will get drunk, sunburned, drunker, unconscious, laid, drunker, more sunburned, and drunkerer. The weekend will be quiet and peaceful - you can actually… Read full post »

My favorite meetings are the ones with fruit. This is also why I like visiting the set: Craft Services usually has fruit, and there's often a lot of it, because everyone else is eating donuts or chips. Inappropriate starches are not my thing, but bananas, as you know, are a monkey's… Read full post »

Do you know me? I don't carry any credit cards, so you may not recognize me.

In Hollywood, you are nothing if not your name. If your name is shit, then you are shit. I have one friend in the business who, years ago in his youth, was a bit disreputable.… Read full post »

The old adage goes, "If you put a thousand monkeys in front of a thousand typewriters, in a thousand years they could write War and Peace."

Of course, it would feature an interminable cast of monkeys, most of whose names proved impossible to remember, and the movie rights would be… Read full post »